he wont say hes sorry

he wont say hes sorry
S

shadowkid

WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shado
you would imagine i'm talking about my perp but after reading things here ,including hausers letter to his parents and their response.i now see that i dont want an apology from my perp . it is my parents that i want to understand and give me something remotly like compassion . all i ever wanted was to be good enough for my dad ,i couldnt be an athelete like my brother ,i was too young to hang with him and my dad. then when my brother died i ceased to exist in my dads eyes ,i was the reason, i was the one to blame ,not only for my brother but for every bad thing that happened after he died . dad,we could have helped each other deal with jimmy's death ,we could have become closer because of the grief we shared ,instead you chose to not only blame me but set out to punish me any way you could ,was your pain so great that you had to destroy me ,did i have to accept that jimmy's death was my fault ,do you know what it is like for an 11 year old to take that kind of responsibility ,do you know what it did to me ? do you care?you sent me to live with a known pedophile ,me your OTHER son !!do you still hate me that much?i now understand that it was you who was weak ,it was you who caused all the bad things ,by living in the dark place jimm'ys death sent us to . it was your fault asshole !!all of it .got it YOUR FAULT!!dad i want more than anything to just love you if you said you were sorry i would forgive it all could you do the same for me? but i'll never know cause your not sorry ,your dead inside just as dead as jimmy . its a shame you were'nt strong enough to comfort your son ,yes i was your son!!i was there to dad!!jimmy's death could have brought us together ,but you were'nt even as strong as the 11 year old boy you condemened to a life of misery ,hey dad ,wonder why i still care about you ? can you hear me dad!? can you !!? i hate loving you you bastard ,why cant i just hate you as much as you hate me? sorry i guess this is just me ranting not saying anything that makes sense .i didnt intend this to be like a letter to my dad ,but it just came out this way . why do i still care ,anybody know ? i sure as hell dont thanks for letting me blubber away adam
 
Adam, a kind-hearted and caring soul, something that is impossible to hide in anyone that has it, is obvious for all to see. Wow, you're still willing to love your Dad even though he abandoned you! While you're not the ONLY person who would choose to do so, certainly not EVERYONE would.

I would suggest that you're of stronger character than what you've just given yourself credit for, for one simple reason. The reason being that instead of venting and hating everybody in the world, especially the ones that betrayed you when you were most vulnerable, you've CHOSEN to love instead, and that isn't something that can be imposed on anybody. God can't make you be a loving person, yet you are.

It's Shakespearean in scope for it's tragedy, a father has foresaken and abandoned his son, but we won't, and neither will the people you now let enter into your new life either!
 
Adam,

You love him because he's your Dad and every boy needs a Dad. It really is that simple. The loss of this is catastrophic and it is no wonder at all that you feel the way you do.

TJjeff had advice for you that is so simple but so important: let it out. It does help. By saying how you feel you begin to take control again; you are saying I will not be silent; I am important and I want my life back.

All these things are so difficult bro, but you are on the right path. Guys here had to tell me that all the time, and then finally I believed it. Now we are doing the same for you.

Hauser says something that you HAVE to hear again bro: you were abandoned in the past, but you won't be abandoned here.

Much love,
Larry
 
Adam - sometimes if we love someone, it is very difficult to leave them behind even if they are no good for us. Try to give yourself space and do what is right for you! Above all if you want to come here and rant, feel free...we are listening!

Best wishes ...Rik
 
Shadow,

My wife and I did foster care for a while. One thing that never stopped amazing us was the fact that no matter how badly the parents abused the kids, the kids still loved their parents. Another quality of children that we marveled at is ther strength. No matter how bad the abuse, they hang in there, they never give up. These are only two of the qualities that I think Jesus was referring to when he told a bunch of men that they must become as little children.

Shadow, you possess both those qualities. A lot of adults, somehow loose those qualities. They loose their ability to love unconditionally. The kind of love that says, "no matter what you do, I will always love you." You are right, parents should have that kind of love for their kids just like their kids do for them. And when they loose the love, they also loose their strength.

You talk about your dad not loving you, you say that he is weak. Could it be that he has lost contact with his inner child, the little boy inside him? I believe that at least a part of our ability to be tender and loving, and also our strength comes from that little guy inside us. It is he who has gotten us through tough spots and it is he who keeps on loving when we want to hate.

Just a few thoughts that I hope help you to understand.

Love ya man

Derdle
 
thanks everyone just one of those days when 1 thing gets stuck in your head ,thanks for letting me get it out adam
 
Adam,

most boys do love their dad, even when they do harm to them.

You are stronger than him, you have proved that over and over again.

I hope he can still find the courage to love his son. Jimmys death is NOT your fault,

ste
 
It was been a futile, wild goose chase in asking people to say sorry for what they have done to me, after waiting and wasting so many years and also crying so many angry tears over them I have finally decided I want to do better in my life, I wont any more breath over someone who doesn't bother about me or feel any remorse, if they dont understand what they have done, time will teach them when they are ready.
As for now, I am enough to bother about myself.
 
Dredle's point of view of keeping our connection with our inner child is so relevant as it not only helps us keep our connection with inherent sense of joy but also with our innate resilence.
Have you noticed when a child falls while playing, cries for a while if need be, but then brush their clothes, gets up by himself and run off to playing again....as if nothing had ever happened.
Even their fights are temporary. One minute they fight and the next you'd see them walk arms in arms with the same friends. Wow!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top