He told me

He told me
I

Iantt

Registrant
Hi,

My partner told me last night what happened to him. A lot of tears. I have never in my life ever heard such pain. It's breaking my heart to know what he had to go through. I wish I had known before this. He is so ambarassed and afraid right now. I don't know what to do except to tell him it was not his fault and love him the best I can.

I knew boys were being abused but it's different when I hear the details and see his reaction to telling me. He was RAPED and he blames himself. I don't know how he can do that. He is the best man I have ever known. I really wish I could make it go away. He won't stop crying and he doesn't want me to touch him.

I slept in the living room last night because I want him to have his space. But I heard him crying all night. I don't even know how to tell you what it sounded like, but the best I can say is it was like a wounded animal.

I hope my counselor can advise me as to what I should do. Because I don't have any ideas. I am just so f***ing angry right now. I want it to be back like it was.

Ian
 
Ian,
I'm sorry he went through this and I'm sorry you are now going through this. I'm sure he wishes that things could go back to the way they were before he was raped! I was silent for over 30 years. That doesn't mean everything was okay, I was a total mess. That means it was bottled up and festering. Yes, he will cry, but tears are cleansing. At least he is crying instead of continueing in denial letting it rule his life. Just be there to support him emotionally.
Broken
 
Iantt. What you have to do, I think, first and foremost is to be there for him. He needs to know that he has worth and that there are people in the world who do not have sick motives for their friendship. He is angy at himself right now and that is a normal thing with us. It is important for him to know that your feelings for him have not changed. Let him know that you will do everything in your power to help him through this time.
 
Ian, I hope you are both doing better today.

For so long my boyfriend believed that sharing his secrets would only bring bad results-- he was taught to believe that-- and it has been hard for him to shake that. He's told me there are days that it still just overwhelms him to know that other people know. Your boyfriend may experience some of this anxiety for a while-- some part of him might still be thinking that telling means the end of the world-- and it is the end of one world, but not the end of everything.

Loving him the best you can is a great thing to do right now. You can't make it go away but you can let him know that you aren't going away.
 
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