He told me it was normal (Trigger)
He told me it was normal (Trigger)
- Thread starterLoneWolfX
- Start date
LoneWolfX
Sadly people who abuse children see nothing wrong with their actions. Some say they are wired that way or had something horrible happen to them that they believe a child deserves what they do to the child. It is sad because like you and everyone here we suffered for a lifetime.
The child believes they deserved it because the abuser can be persuasive and because the mind of a child is immature the child accepts the words of the abuser. I am sorry people did not believe you. You need not let them influence how you see yourself. You are the one that lived the abuse. I had people not believe me and I have many who believe. I have learned those that do not believe are running from their demons, their abuse, their abandonment, their own sense of inadequacy or their fear of the truth. At one time I let those that did not want to believe control me until I realized the words of people who could tell the reality of my abuse from the PTSD, the dissociation and the consistency of my emotions and story. When experts could see the truth I began to believe in myself and dismiss the words of those that did not want to believe. Those that do not believe want to sow doubt and further the damage the abuser did to you. I now feel sorry for those that could not believe and I hope one day they look at themselves and get help for their emotional issues.
We develop a negative view of sex as long as we allow the abuse and abuser to control our minds. Breaking away is the answer but difficult to achieve. Once achieved sex is beautiful and fulfilling. You are opening up, sharing your story and working to understand your issues, concerns and the damage of the abuse. Keep going.
LoneWolfX we believe you and keep believing in yourself.
Kevin
Sadly people who abuse children see nothing wrong with their actions. Some say they are wired that way or had something horrible happen to them that they believe a child deserves what they do to the child. It is sad because like you and everyone here we suffered for a lifetime.
The child believes they deserved it because the abuser can be persuasive and because the mind of a child is immature the child accepts the words of the abuser. I am sorry people did not believe you. You need not let them influence how you see yourself. You are the one that lived the abuse. I had people not believe me and I have many who believe. I have learned those that do not believe are running from their demons, their abuse, their abandonment, their own sense of inadequacy or their fear of the truth. At one time I let those that did not want to believe control me until I realized the words of people who could tell the reality of my abuse from the PTSD, the dissociation and the consistency of my emotions and story. When experts could see the truth I began to believe in myself and dismiss the words of those that did not want to believe. Those that do not believe want to sow doubt and further the damage the abuser did to you. I now feel sorry for those that could not believe and I hope one day they look at themselves and get help for their emotional issues.
We develop a negative view of sex as long as we allow the abuse and abuser to control our minds. Breaking away is the answer but difficult to achieve. Once achieved sex is beautiful and fulfilling. You are opening up, sharing your story and working to understand your issues, concerns and the damage of the abuse. Keep going.
LoneWolfX we believe you and keep believing in yourself.
Kevin
Hi LoneWolfX. Kevin's post is helpful. I'm grateful his time here is shared with so many.
Being believed has been the foundation of my recovery work. Small parts if me heal a bit at a time, and maybe the good of believing there's a way to process these myriad landmines of the past to present is helping?
I'm not shocked about the way you've been treated. It's affirmation about my own experiences over decades. And those too need validation. I want to be believed those bad psychologists and Therapists of my past did the harm I'm aware. It angers me too, and I read this too often
I share about my current therapist a lot. It's a hope. Hoping it's an example toward finding a trained trauma therapist. There aren't enough of them apparently, especially available in-network for insurance. Mine, my insurance, was useless! They had few ptsd therapists in-network. I tried all their listed clinics and reviewed hundreds of their listed therapists. I had to change my tactic.
I studied for a while, and learned EMDR had success for men like me. I tried that... but, by then I was broke.
I looked to be a trainees study patient... But, they don't do that. It's just seminars and off you go, do your EMDR without practice. However, the trainer I emailed, she thought some might consider working with me, like sliding scale or pro Bono. I had no means, so it was pro Bono, or none. I had an interview with an EMDR therapist, where I brought along 14 pages of EMDR therapy targets.
She took my info, and maybe two months later found two therapists willing to try with me. I'm still going to the one I asked to try.
Some day, I'll pay too. I can't wait to be a paying patient. To make sure she knows my gratitude.
Those kinds of therapists are out there, I share my story to offer ideas to trying to get what is needed. It's my idea of what's needed, and that's based on the work and progress I make with her.
Best wishes!
Being believed has been the foundation of my recovery work. Small parts if me heal a bit at a time, and maybe the good of believing there's a way to process these myriad landmines of the past to present is helping?
I'm not shocked about the way you've been treated. It's affirmation about my own experiences over decades. And those too need validation. I want to be believed those bad psychologists and Therapists of my past did the harm I'm aware. It angers me too, and I read this too often
I share about my current therapist a lot. It's a hope. Hoping it's an example toward finding a trained trauma therapist. There aren't enough of them apparently, especially available in-network for insurance. Mine, my insurance, was useless! They had few ptsd therapists in-network. I tried all their listed clinics and reviewed hundreds of their listed therapists. I had to change my tactic.
I studied for a while, and learned EMDR had success for men like me. I tried that... but, by then I was broke.
I looked to be a trainees study patient... But, they don't do that. It's just seminars and off you go, do your EMDR without practice. However, the trainer I emailed, she thought some might consider working with me, like sliding scale or pro Bono. I had no means, so it was pro Bono, or none. I had an interview with an EMDR therapist, where I brought along 14 pages of EMDR therapy targets.
She took my info, and maybe two months later found two therapists willing to try with me. I'm still going to the one I asked to try.
Some day, I'll pay too. I can't wait to be a paying patient. To make sure she knows my gratitude.
Those kinds of therapists are out there, I share my story to offer ideas to trying to get what is needed. It's my idea of what's needed, and that's based on the work and progress I make with her.
Best wishes!
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Hi LoneWolf
I don't know why a T would say any of what happened was normal. It was surely abuse and if that is normal why are we here. I don't believe there was anything normal.
I went through over 17 years of abuse and I can not look back and say any thing was normal at least I hope not. I have not had a satisfying sexual experience in my life as it always goes back to abuse. I gave up on sex 20 odd years ago. Had an opportunity to try again and had a panic attack and scared my friend. I barely master... anymore as the thoughts and feelings are not pleasure anymore they are fear guilt and shame instead.
None of my sexual experience has been normal. What is normal?
Esterio
I don't know why a T would say any of what happened was normal. It was surely abuse and if that is normal why are we here. I don't believe there was anything normal.
I went through over 17 years of abuse and I can not look back and say any thing was normal at least I hope not. I have not had a satisfying sexual experience in my life as it always goes back to abuse. I gave up on sex 20 odd years ago. Had an opportunity to try again and had a panic attack and scared my friend. I barely master... anymore as the thoughts and feelings are not pleasure anymore they are fear guilt and shame instead.
None of my sexual experience has been normal. What is normal?
Esterio
