he gets out of jail soon....

he gets out of jail soon....
S

scarman

Registrant
I just realized that f***head is getting out of jail soon. I knew this day would come, and didn't think it would bother me......guess I was wrong.

I didn't sleep at all last night. Just kept wondering how I would be able to deal with this. I'm trying to be positive, but sometimes it gets to be too much.

I'm not worried he will seek me out or anything, but.... I don't know, it feels weird. I know he won't be able to work with kids anymore, and I thought that would be satisfying enough for me. I don't want to waste any more of my life thinking of him, but it really pisses me off knowing that he has done his time and is now going to be free.


I don't know if I'll ever be free.

Just the other day I received a phone call and the voice on the other end sounded just like f***head. It wasn't him, but I can't get it out of my head....

freaked out once again..... :(
 
it just seems so unfair. we are sentenced to a lifetime of pain, and nothing that can be done to them seems enough. i am not sure if a perp carries around the guilt and shame i have, but i hope so. i know the guilt and shame i carry for the ones i victimized while acting out haunts me even now, even as far as i have come. i guess i have come to accept that it will be this way forever, and try to stay possitive and move on. i'm sorry for your pain, and pray you stay strong. take care, jeff
 
Shaun listen to me ok. do not let him screw up your life at this point. I know it is an emotional time for you. I know that if I were in your shoes I would want to murder the guy. But you know what. He is not worth it.

I have told others that what I did was get a baseball bat, go into the bush, pick a big tree and take my anger against my perps and customers out n that tree. It was like a pressure release valve. Give it a try if you feel like but use a metal bat because a wooden one could splinter and do serious injury to you and take a good friend with you to protect you from yourself. Vent your frustration on that tree as if it was your perp. The tree will understand.
Remember you are a better person than he will ever be and that is a fact. And you are right he will never work with children again.
 
Hey Shawn... sorry to hear about this happening for you. And Mikey's idea about this bat isn't such a bad one if the rage gets to the boiling point.

I walk around in a lot of fear of seeing my abuser - bumping into him on the street or whatever - but I can't imagine having that fear taken away if he were sent to prison, and then given back to me once he did his time and was released. You are not only dealing with the new feelings, but probably reliving the ones you had before he was locked up.

PM me if you need to.

-Sean
 
Scarman,

You don't have to give him that kind of control over your life anymore. He was convicted, he probably has to register as a pedophile sex offender, he will be watched. You need to take care of you right now! I don't know what happened to the guy who SA'd me. He moved away and I only saw him once about 3 years afterward when I was 16 or so. When I saw him again I was frightened, shocked, all that stuff, but I just couldn't do or say anything 'cause nobody knew. I just had to act 'normal'. Now it's 40 years since then and I probably wouldn't recogize him if he was walking down the street. I hope that what he did troubles him, I hope that he sought help, I hope that he never did it to anyone else. But above all I don't care about him one way or the other. I've forgiven myself if he's looking for forgiveness he'll have to find it somewhere else.

Take good care of yourself my friend and brother,

Steve
 
It is very unfair that we must live through so much pain and stuff for a lifetime, yet our abusers get a few years of time. But right now you need to remember it is over, you can't waste anymore of your life worrying about the jackass, just give him power over you even after all these years, you need to try to not let it eat at you, otherwise you give up your power without a fight, and that just increases your sentence of pain. I know it is hard and I know it bothers you, hell it would bother me as well, but you need to try to move past it and not let him still hold control over you. I wish you good luck, and I hope you can find some peace with this.

scott
 
scarman,
i faced the same rage when i found out my perp was living 45 minutes away from my current location. when i found that out i was a nervous wreck for quite some time and really had to struggle with going out there to find him. i wanted that, badly. in the end though, they are just not worth it. there are two creatures i struggle with the rage over, and he is one of them. i was only a todler when he did what he did and i hate him and the other more than i can say, but when compared to lady theo and what i have worked so hard for up till now he does not even account a fraction to the 10th power in terms of being worthy of my time or energy. if you take that bat, toss in a couple for me, will you :) ? take care, scarman.
 
Brother,

Listen to everyone here. YOU have the power. F**khead doesn't anymore. HE needs to live in fear of you now.

Brother, you need to let yourself feel the rage, let it out, and know that he CANNOT hurt you ever again, even if he wanted to. Know why? YOU won't let it. You're BIGGER, STRONGER, more of a MAN than he'll EVER be.

That's what scares him, believe it.

You may not feel this way. You may just feel "weird" that he's out. That's okay, because it ISN'T fair he gets to get out. Believe me, my abusers are walking around free when I'm sentanced to LIFE for their crimes, but I have to let it go. I am, but it's taking time.

You are a great man. I hope you know and believe it.

Peace and love,

Scot
 
Scarman - "he is getting out of jail soon"...well at least everyone knows what he is now!

Let yourself out of jail too....you say that you have tattoos, why not get a new one...do you have the Monopoly Board Game over there... there's a card that is 'Get out of Jail Free' (as you haven't committed a crime, why should you imprison yourself)...allow yourself that luxury.

I have a new small tattoo (Chinese symbol) that stands for promise/vow... I promise myself that that bastard will never make me feel so low again...I touch it when I need to remind myself!

Best wishes again ...Rik
 
I am sorry he is getting out of prison soon, although I am glad he was in there at all. It is hard to believe you can be free of it all someday. I have faith you can, have faith we all can. I hope you are feeling better and safer soon.

Leosha
 
Ya Know I don't think that they get enough jail time!! Life wouldn't be long enough. Perp of female rape go to jail longer than perp of child molestation. Something has to be done about this travisty and I think it's up to us in whatever way we can to try to change the laws... Are you guys with me on this. Progress comes in numbers.. write your congressman and so forth an change the laws... Remember NO PLEE BARGAINS.... My perp got out from Woodbourne Correctional Facility on January 8 2004 and he is staying at a motel a few towns away from my town about 30 miles... What BULL*&#@ is that... Like I said he got caught in 1973 fro the crimes against me and my brothers 2 with whom are dead now from the side affects of it and he went to jail in 1990 again for some more of it... Plee bargaining got him off for the crimes to me.. So I guess to society it didn't happen to me!! He won't stop and I think he belongs in jail... He is 72 years old but that doesn't matter... Lets try to change some laws!

Hey am I wrong for wanting the court records and the deposition that I made to the police officer to look at for my own curiosity? I would like to possibly write about it!! I think that would be good theropy.. Any thoughts????
 
You guys are great!!

I know I'm supposed to be possitive, but sometimes it is just too damn hard. I allow myself a little block of time to feel down on things. I think it is helping me with the grieving process. Lately I've had more good days than bad. (way to go shawn!!)

I really am thankful for all of the kind words of support. I draw strength from the unity we have created as brothers. It is too bad that we've had to deal with this, but at least we are dealing with it together. For this, THANK YOU.

I like some of the suggestions for dealing with built up rage. I have my own, and I do it almost every day. i push myself very hard in my training,(triathlon). THis gives me the rush of adrenaline I used to get when i self injured. Just now it is not so obvious, and, in some way I can justify it. Maybe I'm just talking myself into thinking it is ok....

I am a hell of alot stronger than he will ever be. I'm confident of this. And I think he knows it, by the way I starred him down in court,(hahaha). I have the last laugh :p

all the love sent... right back atcha brothers
 
I like some of the suggestions for dealing with built up rage. I have my own, and I do it almost every day. i push myself very hard in my training,(triathlon). THis gives me the rush of adrenaline I used to get when i self injured. Just now it is not so obvious, and, in some way I can justify it. Maybe I'm just talking myself into thinking it is ok
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my therapist pointed something out to me. we all need and have ways of coping. i felt like my cycling was cheapened by being a survivor. i felt like all my accomplishments were tainted, a mere way of masking what i was inside. he pointed out that i chose some very healthy, productive ways of coping. your training is a possitive, healthy way of coping. allow yourself to enjoy it as much as you want, especially considering the alternative was self-harm.

see, in recovery we all must fill the voids where we have given up bad behaviors, otherwise you are more likely to return to those bad behaviors or feel empty. it is a good thing that you have filled that space and need with something constructive.

take care
jeff
 
Sir..

You are free...You are my hero. Don't give that fuck a 2nd thought...You are free. Take care.

BEST....Mike
 
I understand, some what you feel. Yes, we continue to 'do our time', when are we freed? It do not seem fair, that we are also in prison of this, and he get out before we do. I am sorry of how you are feeling. Glad that he was in prison, but it is not enough sometime I think. I hope you are doing better now.

Leosha
 
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