He doesn't want to fix me...

[Iv0_An]

I lay here. Silent and still.
I breathe quiet. I don't move.
I hide. My heart, my thoughts, my will.
So nobody would ever disapprove.

So nobody would ever know
The deepest parts of the wreck
That once used to be my soul.
My existence is as good as death.

But not always. There he is,
The dark knight who hold a thirst
For what I long, I fear, I miss,
Who gets drunk from being first

To make me speak of shame and desires,
To make me wish what I should hate,
To make me love that sinful fire,
which everyone advice to put away.

And there he is. Seeing me,
Not some candied version of myself,
But ugly, broken and submitted.
He's smashing this thick shell

In which I hide since I remember.
And he doesn't want to fix.
Just to dig deep in the embers
and give the real me burning kiss.

And I'll lay back once he's gone.
I know the world can't really bear
My sinful, shameless, poisoned soul.
And I'll just wish he'll come back here.

 

[Darren White]

To make me speak of shame and desires,
To make me wish what I should hate,
To make me love that sinful fire,
which everyone advice to put away.

This is a great poem @Iv0_An !!
The stanza I quoted above sums it up. That's spot on. So many of us feel that way and it brings so much shame and guilt.

 

[Iv0_An]

Thank you, Darren. I always feel honored to know you like my poem as you are such an incredible writer. And thank you for sensing the emotion in it.

 

[AlexBoyd]

And there he is. Seeing me,
Not some candied version of myself,
But ugly, broken and submitted.
He's smashing this thick shell

You have written an intensely personal poem, ivo. It was hard to choose only one stanza, but I quoted one that touched me the most. The phrase "candied version" is something most of us here understand all too well. To me, this poem is all about perception...how others perceive us and how we perceive ourselves. Great job!

 

[Iv0_An]

Yes, Alex, Indeed, it's very personal and I had doubts if I should post it or not. But seeing it's appreciated, I am glad I did. And yes, you found correctly the meaning I put in it. It's about accepting the way we are, no matter how wrong and ugly it can seems to us or to someone else. And also being grateful for the people that doesn't want to change us, but to see who we really are, not some candied version we are expected to show. Thank you for spending your time to read it and to really see beyond the words.