having to see him sometimes

My gut reaction is that this guy is planning a return to do things to you.

He needs reporting as he will also be doing it to others.

I think you need to have a word with one of the mods about this, as he is still abusing you merely by visiting you at home,

ste
 
Kuurt,

It may be that this guy really thinks okay, it was all in the past, no problem. That's easy for him to say! He is invading your most private space, your home, and making you feel unsafe even there. There is no reason why you should accept this.

My first thought is have you considered telling your Mom what he did to you? I know that would be very difficult and a terribly emotional experience for you. But if she knows, then she would see that inviting this man into your home is causing you a lot of harm. If you don't want to tell her face to face, you could write a letter and give it to her. Several teenagers here have done that and it worked out well for them.

If you feel you cannot do that either, then just try to stay away from him when he is visiting. You could plead you have made plans with friends, that you have something to do in your room, that you have to go get something, whatever.

The bottom line is that you don't have any obligation to tolerate this guy's presence. All of your feelings when he is around, by the way, are entirely normal. That is how I would feel as well bro.

I would suspect that him sitting there with his fly open isn't an accident, but it is difficult to guess on that one. One thing for sure, he's an absolute pig and you shouldn't be exposed to him. You need to do whatever is required to get back the feeling that you are safe in your own home.

Much love,
Larry
 
Hi Kuurt,

Wow, this must be tough for you. It is your right to feel safe in your own home and this should always be the case.

I'm glad that you can post here to at least get your feelings and thoughts out. Hope you continue to do that and believe us when we tell you that you're doing a good thing for yourself and your path to healing.

I would encourage you to work with your Mod buddy on your next steps. Somehow your Mom needs to get the message that this person shouldn't be coming around anymore. I hope Howard can help you get to that place.

I'm assuming you haven't disclosed so I hope you can also find a way to make sure you feel safe and secure at home. You deserve that much and more.

Kind regards,

Zipser
 
Kuurt,

I agree with the guys who've already posted on this thread. You need to feel safe in your own home. This guy is a looser and a creep.

Seriously, you have every right to feel the way you do when he is around. It is your body responding to the danger this guy represents, and is normal. Your mother needs to know about this. Larry and Zipser have great suggestions on how to handle this situation. You deserve so much better than having to put up with him being in your home, let alone having to see him at all.

I can tell from your posts that you are a good guy. Please be safe, my friend.

Lots of love,

John
 
I was never that close to my parents, but I wish I told them about my abuse instead of staying quiet.

They would have given me the help that I needed, and justice would surely have been meted out.

Please consider telling your Mom, it's only the truth and if she loves you..................you can get your life back.
 
Kuurt,

I have been thinking some more about this and would like to repeat something I asked you previously. Can you tell your Mom?

If that is really difficult, perhaps talk about it here and see if that is something you can do.

Almost ALL teenagers who come here think that if they tell they won't be believed. But that problem hardly ever arises. A parent who loves you will see in a second how upset you are and will know this is something really serious.

If you can tell your mother or a safe adult, you won't be alone anymore. That is so incredibly important.

Much love,
Larry
 
Kuurt,

I definitely agree with what's been already said. I've had to see my male cousin who abused me at least once a year or at least hear how he is doing from other family members. The two female babysitters who abused me lived one either side of my parents. One still lives there, the other's parents still live there. After telling my parents this past year I can finally not attend family events that my cousin might be at. I don't have to worry about my parents inviting him over or ever talking about him. My parents don't bother me about spending the night at their house. I didn't have to spend x-mas at my parents (spent it at my sisters) and have to try and block out seeing my old babysitters houses and maybe them or their families. I do wish I would have disclosed to my parents a long time ago.

Courage-Wisdom-Spirituality
 
Hi Kuurt, I am so sorry about what happened to you. I am so angry about the situation this man is putting you into. It is very obvious that he wants to keep you scared, and under his control, he is even saying that he could get to your mom, just by being in the same room with her. I want you to know that both you and your mom are in danger. I know that you are ashamed about what happened to you. Even though you know that what happened was not your fault, you are still ashamed. It is what happens to rape victims, also as a guy you are afraid that if you tell, people will misunderstand and think that you asked for it. This is not TRUE, it is just part of the mental damage that being raped does to you, it makes you think things wrong.

The truth is that your mom will know that you are telling the truth, and will believe you. If you and her decide to go to the police, and report this, you can have a letter of protection, that tells this man that he cannot be near ether you or your mother. Also it maybe that the police know about this man, but do not have enough evidence to arrest him yet, It may be that your testimony may be just enough, to have him arrested and go to trial. While this man is in your house you cannot start to heal! Until you tell your mom you cannot start to heal.
This web page talks a little bit about what you are feeling due to being raped. https://www.rapecrisiscenter.com/education_articles_007.htm

Even if you do nothing, do keep coming here and talking about it. It helps!
Take care,
Lostcowboy
 
:(

My abuse stopped when I was 14. To get it to stop I had to take an overdose and I almost died.

Kuurt, I understand you well my friend. I lived in the same house as my abuser for another 4 years after he stopped raping me. After that I kept regular contact with him for perhaps another 3 or 4 years.

People generally dont understand how that can be, for me it was because he was my Dad and he had brainwashed me from a young age.

When I finally took him to court (20 years later) the defense team kept picking on this fact. You kept talking to him, contacting him etc etc.

I just want you to know that I fully empathise with your situation.

I cant say to you do this or that as our situations are very different. However, whats happened to you has made an impact on your soul, psyche or whatever you want to call it, it takes a while to break free from that.

BUT - hang on in there, if I can do it, anyone can.

Im a former drug addict, thief, criminal and general good for nothing waste of space.

I now have 2 degree's, a wife and a great life.

Please dont quit the fight, we're here for you. Play his game, he's f&$king with your head, fuck with his.

Report him. You will feel so good afterwards. I did.

Peace to you and happy new year. Your not alone. ;)
 
Kuurt,

I can't imagine what it would be like to have to see him. Or maybe I can. I just remembered something. I was riding with my cousin in his VW bug. We went up a hill into a grove of Redwoods and the perp was there. I was so pissed at seeing him I would not get out of the car. I just sat there. When it was time to leave, I would not get into the back seat so he could get in. The perp was a big guy and he had to get into the back seat through the driver's door. That was the last time I ever saw that perp, I think I was about 15 or 16. I felt all the pain that you wrote about. I had to keep looking over my shoulder to make sure he wasn't up to something.

You Hang in there my friend and remember you are loved.

Darrel
 
Kuurt - I don't get to see the perv socially, but I do see him around town (as I have off & on since 1969).

I'm hoping that I don't see him again for a while after next month is over - hope that I put him in jail....we're in court next month!

I wish it was here now!

Best wishes ...Rik
 
when i first reported my uncle who abused me no one believed me!!!!!!!!!!!!

but I made it openly so there was a reasonable doubt about him so my family understood when i did not want to go to family meetings.

report it it will take courage, but silence is the main factor in the abuse process!!!!!!!!

he could be still hurting others!!!
 
i know that feeling.
i still live with him..
i try to get along with him. i try to convince myself that he doesn't even remember it.. i try to have normal conversations with him.
sometimes i cant even stay in the same room with him, or if he walks by me i tense up and feel sick.
sometimes im just super bitter to him, and i say stuff like i hate you and i hope you die and my mom gets mad at me but i just think stfu you dont even know.. and yeah, i know how you feel.
 
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