having a really really bad day.

having a really really bad day.
L

lipsticklullabies

Registrant
IIIIIIII have a feeling this post might be slightly long.
if you concider a novel SHORT that is.
ahhhh that was my atempt at being funny when im in a bad mood.
i use humor as a defensive mechicnizum.
i also cant spell.

so. my final for my junoir CP english class is this big long complicated book report on a book i get to choose.
my final in my creative writing class is an oral book report on a book i get to choose.
to make it easy i chose a book ive already read and i love for both reports.
the perks of being a wallflower.
if youve read the book, you know.
if you haven't, i hate to ruin the ending but
Charlie was hurt when he was little.
hurt like....we were.
ive read this book before, and yeah it upset me
but this time around i just, i cant breathe.
all week ive avoided picking it up because it just gets me so upset. I couldn't do my work at school because I was so close to crying.
finally today i stayed home to finish it and i forced myself to sit down for three hours and do the bare minimum of the project.
i did it
and i cant breathe.
i feel like i cant move.

so a friend of mine has been trying to talk me into getting counsling for a long time.
since next week is my lastt week of school and i have a car and im getting my license i figured ill find some free help and then i can just go on my own andi wont have to tell my parents and then i can just get through this,
of course on my own but i dont expect my parents to be here for me.
im to embarassed to tell my dad
and i cant tell my mom because apparently telling her big things is just to much for her, plus she'll probably act like last time and really hate me this time.
but i dont know where to get the help and i dont think ill find any here.
at least free help
cause my town is fucked up like that.
im begining to think that i really wont get through this.
maybe its not really the book
i think that its that this guy wrote this book the exact way i think. and charlie feels the same way i feel so i guess i feel like, since this guy hit the nail on the head and, it even says that its a fictional story. if this guy can make up this story and the way charlie feels that means that the way i feel IS understandable and it upsets me that i cant find anyone (my parents family and closest friends) that really gets it. i feel like the people that know dont even fucking try and i feel like my parents will never believe me and hate me for it and i know ill never beable to tell them adn THAT hurts because i really need them

and now im so upset i dont even know what the point of this post was supposed to be
and ive made myself more upset that when i started and now my body aches so i guess i have to go lay down and try and sleep and hope i stay sleeping for a very long time.

//josh
 
Josh,

I am 57 years old and from a very loving family, and I thought I would NEVER be able to tell my parents. But I finally did last year, in November. It all went very well.

What you need more than anything else is to believe in yourself. Believe that it wasn't your fault you were abused. It also helped me that I was able to tell my parents in a T's office. She was there to back me up and give credibility to what I was saying.

Josh, you already know why this is so important, don't you? I will just quote you:

i really need them
Click to expand...
You sure do.

Much love,
Larry
 
Josh, No one believes me....not even me sometimes. You know the people in your life better than I do, but I do know the worst thing you can do is keep it bottled up inside. Lots of people here have such good advice. Sometimes I read it and am amazed at how smart they are. They can help. All I can say is keep talking here. When it starts to get too bad, come here and let it all out. Someone will hear you and someone will care. And those smart guys will help you figure out what to do next. It took me a long time to really believe that guys here really did care about me and I still can't say the "L" word much. But use this place. Sometimes I can't figure out how to do any more than just hurt for someone else, but I can always do that, and I always hope it helps in some way.

Bobby
 
getting counseling sounds like a very good idea to me. it always helped me. just talk and unload some of all those emotions you keep buried inside in a safe place with an open ear for you.
just out with all that. you need help and it's perfectly all right that you do.
lots of stuff going on in your life and some big changes ahead. easy to understand it can get overwhelming.
and i well understand it's horrifying to talk to your family about all this. i've been there and it's a tough place to be.
you're brave, you're strong, and you're not alone.
and by the way, that feeling of 'i can't breathe' - i can relate to that so much. like, standing with your back to a wall, frozen.
do you like music? i always listen to something really loud and scream my heart out to that.
 
Josh,

I'm wondering if you could get some help by calling the teen help line in your area. They should be able to give you a referral to an agency that offers free or very low cost counseling.

Above all, try to stay safe, and good luck on the finals!

Lots of love,

John
 
Josh,

On John's suggestion of calling the teen crisis help line in your area, please do bear in mind that these services are absolutely confidential. Social services are required by law to report abuse cases, but the hotline people will talk to you about that and tell you that you can remain anonymous. And even if you report your case to the police they will still protect your confidentiality.

Much love,
Larry
 
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