Have no idea what to do? But, feel like I need to say something.
Concerned Friend 3333
New Registrant
DON'T LET THE LENGTH SCARE YOU.
I had a boyfriend, who a couple of months ago became an ex-boyfriend because we could not communicate. We have known each other for years, but did not become good friends until we dated. We took things very slow, and ultimately the realtionship only lasted 5 months. I was crushed when it ended, he was only able to show anger, but his eyes looked so sad.
Anyways, in the beginning I told him he had an unusual calmness about him. When I saw pictures of him, I told him the pictures did not match the person. He tells me he is mono-emotion, which is means he supresses all emotions so he does'nt get up set. He is always trying to diet because he is a little chubby, but he thinks he is a fat guy. His ex girl friends I know are assholes and mean. He told me he used to have anxiety problems, which he tells me started in high school. Sometimes he ties flys obsessively. His posture is not very good, and he will sit in front of his fly tying table slouching concentrating so hard, as though he is exscaping something. He listens to his roommates way too much, and sits there and takes there insults, and I have never heard him say one thing negative about them. But, they bash him to his face and to me. I can tell when he is wound up, and I asked him if he is tense all the time. He told me that since he is tense all the time, that is how he is supposed to be. Also, he tells me he like to be alone and do things by himself. He also says he cannot say no to people. We have broke up months ago, but we will encounter each other every 2 weeks or so, and get in arguments, in which he tries to run me over with words, but sometimes he does talk about himself. He has told that he can't talk about himself and cannot tell me what he needs. He pushes me away so hard, so I am surprised to even hear him say these things. Usually, when I see him it is out at the bar, and he is very angry and almost yelling at me. I say you don't have to yell at me, and I get the responce, "I"M NOT YELLING". I feel like he is watching from afar, but the encounters are few. Last time I saw him he was hanging out with a married chic, but it lasted a week. But, the town is small so I have heard he has been the guy on the side a couple of times. His roommates think he is gay, and other people said he has acted gay before. But, these have only been rumors. When we dated he did not trust me, and would exaust himself doing things for me. If try and ask him questions about anthing emotional, he will close up and say I am pushing his buttons and I'm trying to corner him, and I drive him crazy. He is constantly trying to impress his Dad, I think he feels he is in the shadow of his younger brother. He just bought a giant truck that is going to work him to death to pay for. He 28, and is hurting, but won't little anyone help him, but some how I feel like he is asking for help indirectly. We are BOTH nervous when we talk to each other, but he tries to tell me I need to relax. If I do talk about things I am doing he is critical about it. He is very loveable, funny, and giving person. He is extremely smart and likes to practice "verbal karake", which is crushing people by out witting them, or speaking about their short comings. He has had several failed relationships, which he did leave out how exactly how many he has had.
I do not know what to do. Just by accident I was reading abuse books, and I found out way too many similarities. However, I did sense something in the beginning, like I was missing or not seeing something. He will be very cold towards me, but then sometimes very loving. I feel like he is starving for love. I cannot sit and watch this person get eaten from the inside. If I try and talk to him he runs away, but I think his roommates influence him and say I'm crazy. But, then will hit on me when he is not around. They are very influencial and popular people in the community. I want to write a letter. Is that I good idea? Sometimes when we do talk I feel like he listens and or believes what I have to say 30% of the time. I am crushed by what I believe happend to him, and feel like I am failing him. Also, I feel bad for getting so angry, but I did not know his situation. I don't think anyone knows, and I just discoved it by accident. What should I do? It is killing me to do nothing. I am affraid he will get a disease or have a nervous break down in the next couple of years.
Sorry so long.
I had a boyfriend, who a couple of months ago became an ex-boyfriend because we could not communicate. We have known each other for years, but did not become good friends until we dated. We took things very slow, and ultimately the realtionship only lasted 5 months. I was crushed when it ended, he was only able to show anger, but his eyes looked so sad.
Anyways, in the beginning I told him he had an unusual calmness about him. When I saw pictures of him, I told him the pictures did not match the person. He tells me he is mono-emotion, which is means he supresses all emotions so he does'nt get up set. He is always trying to diet because he is a little chubby, but he thinks he is a fat guy. His ex girl friends I know are assholes and mean. He told me he used to have anxiety problems, which he tells me started in high school. Sometimes he ties flys obsessively. His posture is not very good, and he will sit in front of his fly tying table slouching concentrating so hard, as though he is exscaping something. He listens to his roommates way too much, and sits there and takes there insults, and I have never heard him say one thing negative about them. But, they bash him to his face and to me. I can tell when he is wound up, and I asked him if he is tense all the time. He told me that since he is tense all the time, that is how he is supposed to be. Also, he tells me he like to be alone and do things by himself. He also says he cannot say no to people. We have broke up months ago, but we will encounter each other every 2 weeks or so, and get in arguments, in which he tries to run me over with words, but sometimes he does talk about himself. He has told that he can't talk about himself and cannot tell me what he needs. He pushes me away so hard, so I am surprised to even hear him say these things. Usually, when I see him it is out at the bar, and he is very angry and almost yelling at me. I say you don't have to yell at me, and I get the responce, "I"M NOT YELLING". I feel like he is watching from afar, but the encounters are few. Last time I saw him he was hanging out with a married chic, but it lasted a week. But, the town is small so I have heard he has been the guy on the side a couple of times. His roommates think he is gay, and other people said he has acted gay before. But, these have only been rumors. When we dated he did not trust me, and would exaust himself doing things for me. If try and ask him questions about anthing emotional, he will close up and say I am pushing his buttons and I'm trying to corner him, and I drive him crazy. He is constantly trying to impress his Dad, I think he feels he is in the shadow of his younger brother. He just bought a giant truck that is going to work him to death to pay for. He 28, and is hurting, but won't little anyone help him, but some how I feel like he is asking for help indirectly. We are BOTH nervous when we talk to each other, but he tries to tell me I need to relax. If I do talk about things I am doing he is critical about it. He is very loveable, funny, and giving person. He is extremely smart and likes to practice "verbal karake", which is crushing people by out witting them, or speaking about their short comings. He has had several failed relationships, which he did leave out how exactly how many he has had.
I do not know what to do. Just by accident I was reading abuse books, and I found out way too many similarities. However, I did sense something in the beginning, like I was missing or not seeing something. He will be very cold towards me, but then sometimes very loving. I feel like he is starving for love. I cannot sit and watch this person get eaten from the inside. If I try and talk to him he runs away, but I think his roommates influence him and say I'm crazy. But, then will hit on me when he is not around. They are very influencial and popular people in the community. I want to write a letter. Is that I good idea? Sometimes when we do talk I feel like he listens and or believes what I have to say 30% of the time. I am crushed by what I believe happend to him, and feel like I am failing him. Also, I feel bad for getting so angry, but I did not know his situation. I don't think anyone knows, and I just discoved it by accident. What should I do? It is killing me to do nothing. I am affraid he will get a disease or have a nervous break down in the next couple of years.
Sorry so long.
