hate

Nothing takes the pain away - that's what we've been trying to do, find something to take it away; and every addiction and compulsion fails us. The only way is going through the pain.

And it sucks.
 
Brother I have done so much and spent so much money that I could be retired by now but nothing will take the pain away except looking the fear in the face and dealing with it, (with help if at all possible) and one day it will come, you will be able to smile back at it with all the confidence in the world, all the power in the world, and all the freedom in the world to be you. I can say this now because I am feeling good about me and hell who knows tomorrow I may be writing a post for help. We are human and even the so called normal people have bad days, the rich, the beautiful, the healthy they all have bad days so go easy on yourself and keep posting we will help, your brothers at MS will help you as much as we can. Knowing you are not alone and that people care is a great thing to have during recovery. I am 40 and I just found this site, I am so thankful it is here and I am thankful for you sharing your life with all of us.

God Bless
 
One more thing for anyone thinking things or accomplishments will make them feel better. I have climbed to the top of my profession, I have published, I have homes, and boats and cars and SUV's and a great family but nothing I have ever had or ever done made up for the feeling that I was nasty and at fault for the molestation. I have always thought that I would never be as good as any man sitting next to me because I was molested. I was 9 when it happenned and I have never been able to accomplish enough or buy enough to make up for the internal feelings of hopelessness until I faced the real problem with a great T and my loving wife and family. I have been in recovery for 8 years and I am finally realizing that the old hardwired coping mechanisms have got to go and this new life that is scary must proceed. I am happy and fearful and long story short, it is worth it don't throw in the towel. You are worth it, you are not your accomplishments, or your things or the molestation, you are a great person and you are very strong, not many people could openly talk about this kind of thing.
 
fhorns,

You are absolutely right my friend. I think we all go through feeling like you feel now.

Recovery is so difficult because we begin with all these negative feelings about ourselves. We feel we can't face the pain or we aren't worth it. But all of us can do this bro. Just hang in there and keep at it.

What scooter and John say is so true. We can't recover or find relief in drugs, alcohol, or frantic work to achieve. All that does is dull the pain for the moment. What we have to do is face our issues head on.

If at all possible try to work with a therapist who specializes in abuse cases, preferably male abuse cases of course. The T's job will be to get you through this with a little new pain and trauma as possible.

Much love,
Larry
 
How many of you went through the therapist merry-go-round (going to one, then another, ad finitum)? I am on another therapist, and it seems to never go away. I could damn myself for that too. It just doesn't go away John. I COULD REALLY USE A GOOD SELF-DISCLOSURE, BUT NORMALLY STAY AWAY FROM THE STORIES SITE. Got a lead? I could use one.
Are there any teachers out there? I am one. SA fucks me up. Fact. Messed me up financially for a long time. And "Oh John, this job is going to be the best one yet!" Mild sarcasm, but I'm frustrated right now. Winding down, but frustrated.
 
I busted through a couple of T's, it first started out with marriage counseling secondary to an affair. The T suggested that I go to a separate group for codependents and I can remember being pissed off that my wife had an affair and I am the one that needs therapy, I thought she needed a team of T's because she was so messed up and the fact was, it was me. So I denied the SA and my problems and could not find a T that would tell me that I did not have problems so yea I hopped around T's a bit but found myself back in my addictions and hating myself more and more. I found a good one and listened to him, a couple of years with him and I finally got it, I finally started living and surviving. As for the job thing, I have been with 10 different companies in 10 years, my job, my wife, my finacial situations, they have been my problem not me, but waking up and seeing the true problem led me to look inward instead of blaming everything outside and my journey began but it hurt to find out that the problem was me and my life had always been in my control, no one was to blame for my problems except me, well not dealiing with the molestation was the problem but that means it is back on me again, I have to deal with it. My idea about all of this is once you put the blame on the person who molested you and deal with it, you can leave the blame game, you give the control back to the child, the man you are. Once you get that control back life begins, when I say control I mean you are responsible for everything you do and that is living with responsibility, that is living period.

I COULD REALLY USE A GOOD SELF-DISCLOSURE, BUT NORMALLY STAY AWAY FROM THE STORIES SITE. Got a lead?

I am not sure what your talking about here, but that is because I am new here I guess. But I would like to know what you are talking about.

Hang in there, we are for you, we are your brothers and because we know what you are going through we care.
 
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