Hate this web site

Hate this web site
H

healing_inside

I hate this web site because it is here. There shouldn't have to be a place like this, we
shouldn't have to come here. This should have never happened to us, it is not our fault, it is
our perp. fault.

If u do a web search on male sexual abuse it should give u "o" hits, WRONG. Lets have a big
reality hit here, yah clonk me on the head for this pipe dream in fanatcy land.

If u notice on the homepage to this site there are 2 links that jump out at me. They are:

Ten facts about "Sexual abuse of boys and its aftermath"

What is sexual abuse

We live this stuff and suffer from it everyday. Kev and Nyjah are still living with the physical
effects and scars NOW and it gets me really pissed.

Wow, good stuff here, good talk at the table at dinner time discussion huh, oh no is it under the table and rug it goes hush, hush we don't talk about that, push it far under the rug as far as we can to forget, but that lump underneath the rug is still there and hurts anytime anyone trips on the lump, it is thought about for a second and becomes unnoticed again until it gets bigger and bigger then it can't be hidden anymore and it breaks through the carpet and everyone around is stained with its effects. This is an example how some family's deal with this issue, but with the help of our family here we bring it out in the open and talk about it, learn from it and help each other and soothe the wounds we each have.

Yes, we as survivors are living with affects it is 24/7, 7 days a week, 52 weeks in a year. It
doesn't go away for a christmas holiday or for spring break. It has become part of us, it does
get less sometimes, but it rears its ugly head when u least expect it. it is so intertwined with every aspect of our lives it is hard to deal with it sometimes.

One brother here told me, when I was going through a hard time was this: Other people have on their minds all of time family problems and school or work problems, but we as surviviors not

only have those, but we also have the aftereffects of sexual abuse in our heads. It is amazing our survival tools we carry and use each day.

There are some days when I log onto the site and it lists all of the guys, with their users name
showing, and I wish I didn't see Reality 2k4, or Sophiesdad, ForeverFighting etc...Wish they
didn't have to come here, but I am glad they are here to lend an ear, talk from a different
perpective that I haven't thought about before.

I come here everyday to get help and maybe lend
an ear to someone who is hurting.

We are here because each one of us has been sexually victimized sometime in our lives and it
repulses me that this s_____ continues to this day.

Those who know me know I don't talk like that, but I think the little guy inside is beginning to express the rage that is buried deep inside of me. Sort of scary to post this and verbilize my thoughts and feelings. This has been a few days of thoughts. Really hit hard when Nyjah went into the hospital.

Glad all of u guys are here, couldn't makke it without u and I am glad this web site is here for everyone for us.
 
Personally, I don't think you should ever apologize for your feelings. They are your feelings and you need to validate them. what you said was so honest about how you feel and you were still respectful to everyone here.

I agree - it is very sad that there has to be places like this in the world, because in a way it's a reminder that bad things DO happen to good people. At the same time, I thank God every day that there is a place like this so that I can come, be honest, express myself, expose the most inner parts of myself and not be judged or considered a freak.

It breaks my heart, too, that kids like Nyiah, Charlie and others have had to deal with issues and events in life that NO child deserves to even think about..... maybe it's a painful reminder of what we had to go thru also.

Through all of this, there IS a magnificence in the fact that we all support each other thru thick and thin, even when we're thousands of miles apart. We share something that millions of men will NEVER experience. So in a way, we're the lucky ones - we're not suffering in silence. We're the ones who are talking and not keeping the secret of abuse.

Just writing this, I am going to post a request to the board to maybe add another section simply dedicated to our successes and triumphs.... a place to "toot our horns". After all, if we don't recognize those few good times, those times when we DO win the little battles, no one may ever know. Yes, it's important to share the pain and anguish, but I think that it may be inspiring to see a section where there's nothing but successes posted.

I, for one, am glad you're here. You're doing some difficult work on yourself, and I applaud you for your honesty.

Sophiesdad
 
Agreed. Hate the need for it. But very glad it is here.

I have made some friends here, some very good friends here. Some I would even think of as 'family', not friends. But I would give up each of those friendships, that I value very much, if it meant none of those friends had had need to find this dam place. :(

Leosha
 
Sophies dad, Leosha and everyone out there.

Thanks 4 being here 4 me.
 
Healing, you hit the nail right on the head. I got a card from my mom yesterday. "Hi, saw this card, thought of you, did you have a fun weekend, talk to you later." It was a joke. The last time I talked to her, I told her that if she's going to call and just talk about the weather and completely ignore all the pain and trouble I'm having, then she shouldn't bother. I told her what to say when she calls--"How are you feeling?" Is that too tough to say? And then shut up and listen. How hard is that? So she takes my advice. She doesn't call anymore. Now I get these happy little cards which I throw in the trash, because if she thinks I'm playing the writing back and forth game with her, she's wrong.

Wow, good stuff here, good talk at the table at dinner time discussion huh, oh no is it under the table and rug it goes hush, hush we don't talk about that, push it far under the rug as far as we can to forget, but that lump underneath the rug is still there and hurts anytime anyone trips on the lump, it is thought about for a second and becomes unnoticed again until it gets bigger and bigger then it can't be hidden anymore and it breaks through the carpet and everyone around is stained with its effects.
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You've been to my house, haven't you? You must have met my parents. The only difference is, they don't even trip over the lump under the rug. They just don't go in that room anymore.

I've got a new family. It includes you guys here. Thank you so much for listening and sharing the similarities of your lives. You don't know how much it means to me to know that I'm not alone out here, that there are people who care what I've been through. And right back at you. I come here every day to give something, and it never fails. I take away more than I give.

I feel like we're a part of something important. If that's the only good thing I get out of a life of hell, it still makes it better.
 
FF,

Was pissed off when I wrote that as the little me is getting more angrier and showing his rage on the outside, and it is good.

Hope it didn't trigger U and I am glad u release it here among friends.

Healing_Inside :)
 
Wow, yeah, why does anyone need to be here, but if it wasnt here, where would we be mentally?

I sure dont know, where else can we share so open and honestly talk about things we never talk about?

Its the only place I found to try and be me!

ste
 
This place is great because there's a community of guys here who understand while the rest of the world would hang me out to dry, like they already have. Yes, it sucks that there is a need for it in the first place, but at least that need can be filled to some extent.
 
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