Has this ever happened to you?

I had a lucid dream last night in which I confronted this laast perpetrator.

I was at a grocery store and as I was leaving the perpetrator and freind of his came into the store. I began to follow him around and telling him that he was a molestor, that he molested me. He kept saying he wasn't and acting as if nothing happened. I told him that I am not afraid of him that I know what he is. When he kept ignoring me I started yelling and screaming as loud as I could that he was a molestor that he molested me. That he made me suck his Di*k.

I was awoken by a phone call so I didn't finish the dream. Has this happened to anyone here before?

 

[Just Call me J]

I've had 2 vivid dreams in the last month or so, in which I'm in search of a molestor. They each had a feel like a mystery movie or something, where I was playing the detective. But they weren't lucid dreams. Never had one of those before.

Do you get lucid dreams often, Donp? That would have to be a pretty powerful experience, to be able to control yourself in the dream, and do and say the things you may not be able to in real life (it could be practice for real life...). Especially when it comes to healing from abuse.

J
We're in this together.

 

[Gadzook]

Originally posted by donp:
I had a lucid dream last night in which I confronted this laast perpetrator.

I was at a grocery store and as I was leaving the perpetrator and freind of his came into the store. I began to follow him around and telling him that he was a molestor, that he molested me. He kept saying he wasn't and acting as if nothing happened. I told him that I am not afraid of him that I know what he is. When he kept ignoring me I started yelling and screaming as loud as I could that he was a molestor that he molested me. That he made me suck his Di*k.

I was awoken by a phone call so I didn't finish the dream. Has this happened to anyone here before?

Heck yes! I think the majority of us have had some dreams and nightmares like these. I know I have them almost every night. Although they are not as graphic and violent as they once were. I have had nightmares where I am re-living what has happened to me. And then I have had the nightmares/dreams where things are not about what happened but me running into these people again. Some of them can be very upsetting and some can be just kind of no big deal. It just all depends on my state of mind. Not to sound too silly but believe it or not I have some of the craziest dreams if I eat late - like right before bed. I mean a little more wild and stranger than the everynight ones. I can't say that there is a conncetion. It sure seems like it though.
Well I am off again.
take care all!
gadzook

 

[getteddie]

I did have a dream last night that I still can't get over. I think that I mentioned that my mother had a stroke before I was born and wasn't there but maybe halfway. She never did understand what was happening to me when I told her. Last night I told her and she did understand but had a heart attack and died right in front of me. I had fucked up dreams all night, last night and do have ones like you talked of many nights...this sucks...more or less than the flashbacks..I don't know.

Later
Eddie

 

[Gadzook]

Originally posted by getteddie:
I did have a dream last night that I still can't get over. I think that I mentioned that my mother had a stroke before I was born and wasn't there but maybe halfway. She never did understand what was happening to me when I told her. Last night I told her and she did understand but had a heart attack and died right in front of me. I had fucked up dreams all night, last night and do have ones like you talked of many nights...this sucks...more or less than the flashbacks..I don't know.

Later
Eddie

**************
I guess that will be a place that we can never really control. Our dreams or subcoscious mind is one of those many strange wonders. We can eaither be really happy in our dreams or really scared.
I have to wonder how much of that subconscious mind of ours really controls our lives while we are concious.
Well as with all my flashbacks, memories, nightmares and dreams - I take them all one at a time and deal with them only if I really feel the need to. I do not ignore them. But I try not to read too much into them. Wrong or right it helps me.
gadzook

 

In answer to the question about lucid dreaming? I have not had one of these in forever. And yes after awaking from the dream I did feel better, because it is my belief that the unconscious does know more about our real feelings and what the truth is.

I guess someone was trying to tell me it is not my fault, like I have posted on the other post I started, my real dad may not give a crap about me, but my heavenly dad knows what I need. I guess I am just spoiled.

 

[bosishere]

good a.m., guys. as I read this post I say yes to the dreams, but also, yes in some same situation to me being awake. my dreams of being fucked by boys back in a hospital in 1951, is always the same, and only after I began to come to grips with the abuse. I wake up in bed, on my stomach, and feel the boys are abusing me - both of them. I wake up hollering no,no, no, and always being on my stomach - that is not the way I sleep. but what I can't understand is while I'm awake and I see little boys or something that makes me feel really bad, and takes my present mind back to the abuse, I start pounding my legs, and saying no, no, no. this may happen anywhere, but most importantly while I'm in church, and this happens always while I'm in the wheelchair. my coounselor says all of this IS A COMBINATION of depression, and PTSD. I realize the subway hitting me has messed up the brain, but what I do not understand is why all of this whole combination is getting worse. bosishere

 

[michaelb]

my dream centers on a guy who is so proud he is a molester.....he calls himself THE MOLESTER......he is so smart and clever.....he is like the quiz-master.....he asks me riddles that i cannot answer, then he punishes me for not answering correctly....sometimes he makes me naked.....sometimes i'm just crying with frustration.......i'm not frustrated for me....i'm frustrated for all the children the molester can have his way with.....i'm strong, i can protect myself......but the children are so vulnerable to the molester.....i wake up crying and very angry......i've had these dream hundreds of times over the years.....the days i've had it, i would be very irritable and angry for the entire day and was never sure why......i was not molested......or so i thought/hoped......i had the dream a few times since i began therapy back in january.....i had it 4 more times until i realized i knew the guy's laugh in the dream......i still have never seen his face....but the laugh is my uncle's laugh....he has a very devilish laugh.....it is so wicked sounding.....how/why did it take me so long to begin to understand this dream?????? how could i be so blind for so long???????? why did this happen to me?????? michael

 

[Just Call me J]

I can't answer your last question (I doubt anyone can), but I can respond to your other 2 questions.

Like donp says, our subconscious knows more about what's rattling away between our ears than we are really aware. And since these are "only dreams" and can very easily be ignored or minimized, the truth behind them can just as easily be ignored.

But I believe that our conscious minds will begin to take it seriously, when it has the emotional strength to take it on (this only goes for buried memories... my heart goes out to you guys that have always remembered your abuse). Right before I had my flashback, my life was going really well. Most of the usual things that I would stress about were absent from my life, and I didn't have the job-related stress that I'd had over the 3 years before that. So, lo and behold, a dark area of my brain finally gets the spotlight, and I realize that I had known these facts all my life. It wasn't until my life was good (ie, my emotions were stronger than they had been in a long time), and that I could take on the complications of SA, that I put all those pieces together.

One of my classes in college was on sleep and dreaming, and we covered the "Big Theories" of dream interpretation (Freud and Jung), but a more recent theory seemed to ring truer for me. It was the one that said that most "dream language" is more personal than the "universal" languages put forth by Freud and Co. Since it your own brain producing the images in your sleep, it is your brain (and therefore YOU) that is deciding on the meaning behind the images. The trick is to recognize the subtleties of your own brain's dream language.

A recurring dream recurs, because you didn't get the message your subconscious tried to tell you the first time. That's my belief, anyway. Once you manage to deal with the root of the problem in the recurring dream, then the dream ceases its importance, and you won't have it any more.

Michaelb, you said you had this dream "hundreds of times," not knowing why, until you started therapy in January. Did you realize you had been abused before therapy, or did it get uncovered through your therapy?

I really identified with your statement "I was not molested, or so I thought/hoped" because, well, that was my own belief, until July. It is that "thought/hope" that kept us functioning all this time. It was a defense mechanism, and it worked, for a time.

But now that the floodgates have opened, I'm glad that you have a therapist. I'm waiting to find out when my work schedule will be changing, so I can start going to a therapist of my own.

Hang in there, Michael. You're on the right path, cuz it's the path OUT of the pit.

Jeremy
We're in this together.

 

Jeremy,

I enjoyed reading your response to recurring dreams....seems to be right on target to me.
I read once that dreams are the way our brain continues processing "unfinished business" when we are asleep and our conscious is "off-line." Isn't it great how the Universe continues to present us with information until we "get it?"

Dynamite Don

 

[michaelb]

jeremy......thank you for your caring.....i've always felt like i was abused, but would not allow myself to really consider the possibility.....but, how many 42-year-old "virgins" do you know????? i've never had sex with anybody.....well, i guess except my uncle.....i've been way too terrified to have sex with a guy or girl.....i've had many opportunities with both but thought i might freak out and hurt them....to me, sex is disgusting......even masturbation is disgusting.....it is something i do to eliminate the sexual thoughts....not for pleasure......what i did not understand is that abusers are not gay....my uncle was a good-looking guy and was a babe magnet......he had lots of girlfriends and had 2 beautiful wives....that is why i never considered him....he did not wear a raincoat......he was not a pervert.....why is the public so unaware of the true characteristics of perpetrators????? why is there not some one going around educating the public?????? i guess because nobody wants to hear the truth.....that their husbands, brothers, uncles, cousins, etc....are the real enemy to their children....it is so much more comforting to think of a pervert.....a stranger.....but as i've found, abuse by a close person is much more mentally incapacitating than abuse by a stranger.....there is no inherent trust with a stranger, there is with your uncle.......i would rationalize my thoughts to dismiss them.....i have always remembered being 4 and wanting to be hercules so i could have my slaves perform oral sex on me....and i would not have to be the slave anymore......this is not a repressed memory.....it has never left me.....i just thought it meant i was gay....i only wish that was it's true meaning.....i was 4 in 1962....not exactly today in terms of social morals.....how did i know about oral sex????? why did i not want to have to do it anymore??????? why did i want it done to me?????? i'd pull down my underwear lying in bed and think about it.....i would get an erection and i would be very disgusted with myself.....i'd pull my underwear back up to make it "go away".....i just wanted the abuse to go away.....leave me alone......so, in answer to your question jeremy, i guess i've always known, but have been too afraid to allow myself to consider the truth.....i still only have partial memories.....but i remember feelings and some incidents.....i still do not remember much of the sexual activity, at least not visually....but i know it is coming......i've had terrible nightmares lately that result in me awakening gagging with a feeling that a hand is on the back of my head.....when i brush my teeth, i gag......it was so bad i checked into the university of cincinnati psychiatrict unit a few weeks ago.....i was so close to taking an overdose..........i have been hospitalized 3 times over the last eight months with suicide attempts......i just HATE MYSELF so much.....i cannot bear to live............but i'm trying.................................. regarding the molester dream, i just never understood it.....i was not scared for myself during the dream.....i was scared for the children....i was just angry at myself for not being smarter.....i felt like a fool....i'd be angry on days i'd had that dream.....angry at myself and the world.....i would be in such a terrible mood, most days i'd go home from work at 10 am or always by noon.....the dream kept occurring more and more, and i neglected my job.........i just could not deal with life anymore......about three years ago i just went to bed for like a year and a half......i could no longer function......i laid in bed and cried, hoping i would die.....hoping i'd muster the courage to kill myself......until i developed congestive heart failure......when i was finally hospitalized with it, my cardiologist told me i was dying......well, guess i still am, but i'm still here....my heart has improved, but still has been permanently damaged.....i think i'll just die from my broken heart........michael