Hard Times.

[Little_E]

Last night as i laid in bed it hit me like a a steam train. I must have had 100 of flashbacks. It felt so real. Like it was happening all over again. I could feel his hands on me. his breath on my body, everything, it hurt so much. It just went on and on. I guess I've been building up to this crash for a while. And i feel like shit!! Recently they been coming to me at night, Had shit load of nightmares, and Flashback specialy just as I'm starting to realex.

I cant go on. I failing Uni. I work 2much. but then i have to work to pay to stay in uni, but cant quite jobs other wise have to leave uni. Chatch 22.

My rent bounced the other day, and so did my phone bill. My wages didnt go in!! I'm in debt over my head and i cant see the way out.

I just want to run away, and hope this all goes away. I'm in 21,000 worth of debt at the mo, and it will be at least 23k, by the time i graduate in 5months time, if i pass, other wise i be here for another year, and it will go up to atleast 30k.

I want out. I cant cope any more, I've past boiling point. I just want it to all go away. For some one to wave a magic wand and have it all go away.

I'm Scared, I'm Hurting, I need help!! I want to screem, but I cant.

 

[outis]

Little_E,

You can scream if you need to. Maybe not at home, but online, sure. And I'll bet there's someplace where you can go to just let out a scream that could shatter a window. If that's what you need, go do it.

I've had the "flash flood" experience. I hate it, too, but it does go away. Try to remind yourself of where you really are. Look at the calendar, listings for the programs coming on tonight, newspapers, whatever.

You'll make it. The debt will have to wait until you get through school. Don't worry about it now. It can be hell when you need a rest, need sleep and can't find time for it. Maybe you need to call in sick, or miss a class, to catch up. I worked full time and went to school full time, too, and sometimes I just slept because I had to. It wasn't the end of the world.

You're getting close to the finish line in school. It's been hard, no doubt, but you are so close now that you can probably see the goal. Maybe all the changes that will come with your degree are scary, too. Do you have someone who will let you talk about that, maybe just thinking out loud about what you'll do next? It might help clear some uncertainty, or at least put things into perspective.

Hang in there. You not only can do, you are doing it!

Joe

 

[RICK57]

Little_E

All I can offer you is my support. Try to relax as best you can (if I have trouble sleeping, I try all sorts of stuff like counting backwards from 100, very slowly in my deepest voice. Pretending that I am on a tropical shoreline where all I can hear is the surf breaking & the birds singing). *Might sound daft but it can work.

Your money problems - try and discuss them with your bank - I don't know the rules on student loans, however if you have 5 months left at Uni, you shouldn't be that far away from earning. Surely the banks will want you to succeed.

Don't give up now - I did at 16 & had to resume my education years later.

You can do it - I look forward to hearing how you got on, best wishes Rik (also in England but oop north).