Happy Halloween!
Hi all,
I've been on, but haven't posted for a few days so I wanted to stop by and say hello to my new found allies and friends.
I'ts been a good week. Difficult at times, but good all in all. My b/f and I talk daily, we had a lovely dinner on Wednesday, we were out together last night and tonight it's a halloween party - two actually - one at my brother's house and another with friends.
Last night was fun until we got home and then he decided he wanted to talk, which was OK by me. We talked and we cried and we talked some more which is the most important thing. He's still in so much denial over what happened to him as a child and he has so much to deal with that it's overwhelming to him. There is so much self loathing and self blame in his heart and in his head that it breaks my heart. He told me it was much easier to just go on living the life he had and not think. Thanks to what I've learned here, I could say quite confidentally to him that that was never going to be a permanent fix, that he had to deal, he had to feel in order to heal. He agreed, but without as much confidence as I felt.
I tell him and will keep telling him how much I love him and admire him but I know it'll be a long time before he can believe it. But that's OK too, I'm pretty tenatious when it comes to fighting for what I KNOW is right and good and especially for the man I love.
The one thing that upsets me is that even though he'll talk to me, he says he doesn't want me to learn, which is I what I do here. He feels that's he's bringing me into a world that no one should ever know. He's right that no one should ever have to know the pain of s/a, but sadly, that's not real life. I told him that I was not going to stop and he's resigned to that, he knows me too well to believe that I ever would even if I lied and told him OK which I wouldn't do. I've told him about this site and he actually came here at least once but he thought you had to register to read everything, and he wasn't prepared to do that. I told him that he could read, he just couldn't post without registering and I encouraged him to come here again, if nothing else to find that he wasn't alone. He is so lonely and feels so isolated. I hope he can bring himself to reach out to you. He has great confidence in his counselor, but this is a priceless forum for those times when he needs a hand beyond her or me.
We told each other that for tonight, we're going to play and be silly grown-ups dressed up as if we were little kids and nothing would get in the way of our fun. I so want that to happen - we need that after the hellish month we've had, but if at he end of the night, or at any time during, he wants to talk again, then that's what we'll do and put off the fun and frivolity to another night when the time is right.
I can't thank all of you, survivors, friends and family alike, for being such a wonderful sounding board and for offering your life experiences so freely as to help total strangers. I hope you all have more good days than bad and that the bad disappear altogether, sooner rather than later.
ROCK ON.......Trish
I've been on, but haven't posted for a few days so I wanted to stop by and say hello to my new found allies and friends.
I'ts been a good week. Difficult at times, but good all in all. My b/f and I talk daily, we had a lovely dinner on Wednesday, we were out together last night and tonight it's a halloween party - two actually - one at my brother's house and another with friends.
Last night was fun until we got home and then he decided he wanted to talk, which was OK by me. We talked and we cried and we talked some more which is the most important thing. He's still in so much denial over what happened to him as a child and he has so much to deal with that it's overwhelming to him. There is so much self loathing and self blame in his heart and in his head that it breaks my heart. He told me it was much easier to just go on living the life he had and not think. Thanks to what I've learned here, I could say quite confidentally to him that that was never going to be a permanent fix, that he had to deal, he had to feel in order to heal. He agreed, but without as much confidence as I felt.
I tell him and will keep telling him how much I love him and admire him but I know it'll be a long time before he can believe it. But that's OK too, I'm pretty tenatious when it comes to fighting for what I KNOW is right and good and especially for the man I love.
The one thing that upsets me is that even though he'll talk to me, he says he doesn't want me to learn, which is I what I do here. He feels that's he's bringing me into a world that no one should ever know. He's right that no one should ever have to know the pain of s/a, but sadly, that's not real life. I told him that I was not going to stop and he's resigned to that, he knows me too well to believe that I ever would even if I lied and told him OK which I wouldn't do. I've told him about this site and he actually came here at least once but he thought you had to register to read everything, and he wasn't prepared to do that. I told him that he could read, he just couldn't post without registering and I encouraged him to come here again, if nothing else to find that he wasn't alone. He is so lonely and feels so isolated. I hope he can bring himself to reach out to you. He has great confidence in his counselor, but this is a priceless forum for those times when he needs a hand beyond her or me.
We told each other that for tonight, we're going to play and be silly grown-ups dressed up as if we were little kids and nothing would get in the way of our fun. I so want that to happen - we need that after the hellish month we've had, but if at he end of the night, or at any time during, he wants to talk again, then that's what we'll do and put off the fun and frivolity to another night when the time is right.
I can't thank all of you, survivors, friends and family alike, for being such a wonderful sounding board and for offering your life experiences so freely as to help total strangers. I hope you all have more good days than bad and that the bad disappear altogether, sooner rather than later.
ROCK ON.......Trish