Had a very disturbing dream... concerned..

[onefastbike]

I know I am currently going through a major depression and some kind of anxiety disorder (yet untreated). (first appointment with a counc. on Thursday)

On Saturday night I had a dream about my abuser (the second in 2 weeks)
The first was minor... seeing him walking down the street in the dream.

The second dream (on Sat) he was almsot naked in my living room and I was throwing him around and beating him. Then he was sitting on the couch talking to me, then I was beating him again.

That dream scares me.

I am an "expert" in martial arts (and I would bet money that many of you here are too). I am also a former commando in Canada's Airborne Regt.

Needless to say I am capeable of acting out this dream... But I have no "real" desire to do so. I mean I have had the odd fantisy about it (who here hasn't)...

But why am I, at 35 years old dreaming about beating this guy (and enjoying it) so many years down the road? (well, besides the obvious unresolved issues answer).

I mean what are they thinking? Don't they thik we will ever grow up? That we will ever want our pound of flesh?

I'm sorry.. Just writing it is getting me angry...

 

[WalkingSouth]

OFB,

In answer to one of your questions, I don't think they have the capacity to see their victim as anything other than a weaker person they can hold power over. Were they to be able to envision you as a commando for instance, they'd never have hurt you in the first place.

These dreams come when the stress level builds. I'm glad you are starting therapy. You need a place where you can begin to let this stuff out a little bit at a time in a controlled environment. That will keep you safe from taking it out on another human, perp or otherwise. It'll keep you outa jail, or keep you from doing yourself other harm.

Courage,

John

 

[akn]

Brother, it goes real deep. Like many (most?) of us, you are probably a walking time bomb. You need to pull the fuse before you hurt someone. It will most likely be an intimate. I hurt my loving woman, to my eternal shame, in a moment of rage. I'll eat that for the rest of my life. Don't let it happen to you.

best wishes
AKN