Guys, I Need A Hug!
Hi Everyone!
I am having such a tough time this morning. Things just seem a little bit overwhelming right now. Do you ever have days like that?
It's hard to believe but it hasn't even been a month since I was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Originally I thought the PTSD was the result of a bad experience with a neighbor. Something that happened five years ago. This young college student, who was deeply disturbed, began stalking my partner and I. Actually, he mostly directed his stalking activities against me. When I was alone, he began calling on the telephone and hanging up. Five, ten, fitfteen times or more a day. Or he would go around his apartment (he lived below us then), tapping on the ceiling. And he was eavesdropping on conversatons. Following us places. In short, acting very creepy. And worst of all, he made a telepone death threat against my partner.
I know I said some of this before. But it helps me to write it down. So forgive me if I repeat myself. Anyhow, after that awful experience, my partner and I moved to a lovely home of our own. And it seemed like I had every reason to be happy. Then the awful flashbacks started. And I became very sick with ever-changing symptoms. Migraines. Asthma attacks. High blood pressure. Stomach aches. A vague sense of fatigue. Nervous jitters. Panic attacks. And on and on.
So my doctor recently referred me to a therapist and a PTSD group. And I'm just opening up about the PTSD experiences. And talking about the homophobic neighbor who threatened my partner and made our lives a hell. But I realized just recently why that hateful young man got to me the way he did. On some level, it all seemed like a replay of my experiences as a child.
When I was alone in the apartment, the college student started tormentng me, doing things to threaten and frighten me. Years earlier, when I was alone in my parents' house, my older brother started tormenting me, doing things to threaten and frighten me. There was a lot of physical abuse over many years. There was also sexual abuse. And that, like the rest of you, is why I am here.
But today, I just need to hear that I really can heal from all this, even if it takes time. I can heal, can't I? Not long ago, I turned 50. I wish I had been able to face some of the abuse much earlier, when I was a young man. But for whatever reason, it's something I'm only able to deal with now. But I am ready to deal with it. I want to make a fresh start. I want to be the best 50 I can be. I aim to be 100 someday. And I want the next 50 years to be even better than the first. Is it really possible? I guess that's what I most need to hear today. And I sure could use some cyber hugs.
Thanks guys!
Jasper
I am having such a tough time this morning. Things just seem a little bit overwhelming right now. Do you ever have days like that?
It's hard to believe but it hasn't even been a month since I was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Originally I thought the PTSD was the result of a bad experience with a neighbor. Something that happened five years ago. This young college student, who was deeply disturbed, began stalking my partner and I. Actually, he mostly directed his stalking activities against me. When I was alone, he began calling on the telephone and hanging up. Five, ten, fitfteen times or more a day. Or he would go around his apartment (he lived below us then), tapping on the ceiling. And he was eavesdropping on conversatons. Following us places. In short, acting very creepy. And worst of all, he made a telepone death threat against my partner.
I know I said some of this before. But it helps me to write it down. So forgive me if I repeat myself. Anyhow, after that awful experience, my partner and I moved to a lovely home of our own. And it seemed like I had every reason to be happy. Then the awful flashbacks started. And I became very sick with ever-changing symptoms. Migraines. Asthma attacks. High blood pressure. Stomach aches. A vague sense of fatigue. Nervous jitters. Panic attacks. And on and on.
So my doctor recently referred me to a therapist and a PTSD group. And I'm just opening up about the PTSD experiences. And talking about the homophobic neighbor who threatened my partner and made our lives a hell. But I realized just recently why that hateful young man got to me the way he did. On some level, it all seemed like a replay of my experiences as a child.
When I was alone in the apartment, the college student started tormentng me, doing things to threaten and frighten me. Years earlier, when I was alone in my parents' house, my older brother started tormenting me, doing things to threaten and frighten me. There was a lot of physical abuse over many years. There was also sexual abuse. And that, like the rest of you, is why I am here.
But today, I just need to hear that I really can heal from all this, even if it takes time. I can heal, can't I? Not long ago, I turned 50. I wish I had been able to face some of the abuse much earlier, when I was a young man. But for whatever reason, it's something I'm only able to deal with now. But I am ready to deal with it. I want to make a fresh start. I want to be the best 50 I can be. I aim to be 100 someday. And I want the next 50 years to be even better than the first. Is it really possible? I guess that's what I most need to hear today. And I sure could use some cyber hugs.
Thanks guys!
Jasper
and id give you a HUGE one if i could. hang in there.