Its been a rough couple weeks. In addition to being molested as a boy I was also raped by a gunnery sergeant as an E3 at the age of 20. A couple weeks ago was the anniversary. I happened to make my first suicide attempt in approx 10yrs the morning of the 28th of June (learning later that it was the same day I was allowed back on malesurvivor, which I'm sorry to everyone I wronged here) spending 12 days in the psych ward after I failed, got out Sun the 10th. The attempt was mostly because of the VA's treatment of me over the last 10yrs but of course the CSA and anniversary played an underlying factor as well as both my Dr and Therapist being out of town that week. I think I'm ok now, no ideation anymore, just very depressed and can't show it to most anybody. 23 yrs since the rape and it still debilitates me. I remember everything, the fear, the helplessness, the pain, the shame and confusion, and everything else. So many men have hurt me in my life and I'm still anticipating it to happen again some day.