gulp...

gulp...
R

RangerJ19

Registrant
So... I finally posted here.
I wrote my story about an hour ago, I think.
I'm still shaking.

I guess I can only say that I'm really glad this site is here, for everyone! That's awesome.

I'm up, can't sleep. Getting up the guts to write my story was slightly more frightening than stepping into a full-contact karate ring.

And now, I don't know. I'm just shaking. I'm afraid. Stupid eh? I mean, what's done is done. But does anyone else find that it's really scary to start talking here?

Anyway. I wanted to say thank you all for having this here. So that people can have support.

Man, listen to me. I still have a hard time accepting that what happened to me counted, that it mattered.

Ugh. I'm not making any sense. And I'm too shaken up to think straight. Sorry.
 
You are Welcome here and telling our stories is always difficult. I haven't told my full story yet, so you are brave to start out so boldly. That will help in the ups and downs of recovery. Talk about what you can and only share as little at a time that is comfortable. No one pushes you to gain ground you are not ready to walk on. This is your journey we are only your partners in your path to hopeful healing. Welcom Ranger.
 
Ranger, classic response to first posting. That means, i felt the same when posting. although, i wasnt shaking. I shaked just recently when a sudden work change woke me up (some more).
But, welcome here - i will read your post about your story in a little. thanks for sharing.
 
Hi Ranger,

You were very brave to post your story and to be working on your recovery and facing your past. I dont think its stupid to feel shaky after your post; it is brave to have posted despite the fear. Hope the site is helpful and supportive for you in healing from the abuse you suffered and its aftermath.

Welcome

Peter
 
Ranger, I read your story. I have to say that you belong here just as much as any of us. In fact, I would say I admire you very much. If my uncle or my dad had turned themselves into the police the "day they became a monster", I wouldn't be here. You know what it is to feel pain, and you were determined not to hurt anyone. Tell me what's wrong with that. My uncle still denies anything. My dad still blames his violence on me being the wrong kind of son for him. My mom still talks about the weather.

I'm glad you wrote your story. It's a happy ending to countless lives, even if you don't feel it. And the fact that you're confronting your own past is proof that you can heal. I don't think we're victims of one incident of SA. I think we're victims of an entire set of family circumstances that makes us who we are. If I'd had the love and support of a family or somebody to talk to who would have believed me, maybe what my uncle did to me would be part of my past instead of something I fight almost every day. So never underestimate the power of one thing that was done to you. Maybe that one thing wouldn't have been so damaging if the rest of our lives had been diferent, but the fact is they weren't different. And about that sicko in the car. They tell me perps are not particular about their victims. I doubt he could "see that you were gay". He was just a sick man, and you were there. It wasn't your fault.

Say it with me. It wasn't your fault, what they did to you. Don't give up. You're doing really good work. Write anytime. I'm glad you're here.
 
I havent read your story, sometimes they are too hard to read, but welcome.
It can be extremely hard at first to make the first post with a load of strangers.

take care,

ste
 
Thank you all for your support, acceptance and affirmation!

I did want to be clear on one thing. Part of dealing with issues of my own abuse, and obeying the law and boundaries, I don't talk w/ minors. So, if I don't reply to anyone's posts or PM's and you're under-age, that's why. It's nothing personal. And please, don't PM or e-mail me if you're under 18.

I'm not saying this in any kind of mean way. I'm just doing what I have to do to keep myself and others safe. And also, I want to be open and clear from the start because I really want to be part of this forum.

Also, I guess for myself, I have to hold myself accountable, and do what I can to show that I'm trying hard to overcome both sides of my battles.
 
I dont know who tried to contact you, and you have every right to say you dont want to be contacted by someone you regard as a minor.
Please take care though, because regardless of who comes here and age range, they are still survivors, and they can be deeply hurt by harsh remarks. We all have a duty to care and respect the feelings of others.
The analogy is this, that a young survivor comes here for support and becomes isolated through their age being a barrier, can cause severe hurt and resentment.
I would just ask others, to not make age, race or orientation a barrier to recovery if you can.
We all know the hurt, and feelings of emotional distancing, just when we are really needing support.
MS, is for the healing of men and boys, and if I came here as a boy, or was a boy who has not yet joined this site, then it may terrify me to think there was no support. We all know the hurt when it is raw, and the mix up of feelings, also the feeling to cut and run.
It is vital to form a support structure, for those who need it.

Please dont reply to me on this post, as I am not telling you off, but rather just making you aware of why this place exists, for all.

ste
 
Yeah, I tried to say it right the first time, and I messed up.

Everyone who has been hurt has a right to be here. And everyone's voice is important. I think I've read every post that's been put here in the past 20 days, from everyone. That's why in my story I titled it, "to the strong ones" because that's how I view everyone here, whether you're 12, 16, or 60.

But legally and to respect people's boundaries, because I'm still struggling with having hurt a high school kid, and how I was hurt, I can't reply or be seen to communicate with someone who I think is a minor.

The last thing that I wanted to do is hurt anyone's feelings, or cause anyone to be rejected. If anyone finds out that is the case, I leave an open invitation to all of the moderators, and members, to let me know. I would rather not have my presence hurt anyone than to continue to be part of this excellent group.

But I wanted to be clear about what my restrictions are and why, so that no one *would* feel hurt if I don't reply to them, or if I don't take PM's. I wanted to be clear from the outset that it's not personal, it's not because anyone is any less valuable to me.

I guess I already messed that up. I hope you can all accept my apology. And if you all feel I shouldn't be here, then that's cool as well, if that's the easiest solution. Thank you all for the support you've already shown.
 
Hi Ranger, after reading your story, I decided to make contact again with a old friend of mine. So far everything went well.
 
I'm really glad to hear that you decided to reach out! I hope that goes well for you!
 
Hey Ranger,
Welcome.
I've learned that it was not what happened, but what I made of it. As far as your experience being "less" than others', it sounds worse than mine. Mine happened once, lasted 5 minutes & I didn't have to get undressed. What I made of it was far worse than what happened.
It's a lot easier to talk about what happened to us, than what we became. Getting your story out took a lot of courage. Others have done it and remained a part of MS.
Those that were just screwed up a little are the lucky ones-two many of us got totally screwed like you.
I think you did a good job of trigger warning, and you continue to show great restraint and concern for those who might be offended.
I'm legal at 43, pm me.
 
Ranger,

I am so sad for you that you felt you don't deserve to be here. I felt the same way last year, but enough encouragement came from the wonderful people on here that it's okay. My story feels like nothing compared to what some have suffered.

Sorry you have to be here, but thank you for posting.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top