Group Therapy Testimonials

Group Therapy Testimonials
Hauser

Hauser

Registrant
Hi again everyone, I have a request of all you guys who are currently, or have in the past, benefitted from a attending a local male survivor support group. My T is currently networking with other T's in my area, and I was considering compiling a list of positive testimony of group therapy that I might pass on to my T for him to give out to others in my area.

Just a thought, what do you guys think?

I still find it interesting what my T says about me, he says that I'm straight forward and don't mince words, etc. He said that I'm also the only one that's ever asked him about local support groups too. I attribute a lot of this to the fact that I came hear to you guys first, you guys have helped me to say what needed to be said to many different people, my T, my parents, you guys too.

I still don't feel any different than the first day I came to this DB, (any of you guys remember that?)

I'm seeing a T, I'm a full-time student, and I'm part of this online support group, but nothing is changing, or so it feels like. Why am I not changing? Why am I still introverted and isolated? Nothing is changing.
 
Hauser,

he says that I'm straight forward and don't mince words
Click to expand...
OK, now that your T says it will you believe it? :) :) :) I will give some thought to this. I just started with a new group, and have been trying to summarize in words how the last group helped me. So, yeah. I'll be happy to give some positive testimony in behalf of group T.

John
 
Ok, well if you or anyone else wants to say what it's done for you, (in a way that might persuade someone to otherwise consider joining one), pleez do so here ok? I will paste them to a word document and email it to my T for him to give to other T's patients.
 
I'm all for groups. I have seen first how effective groups can be. When I first started dealing with my issues, I found a group for teens. I was accepted into the group as an aid. I could have never imagined how help these teens were for me. Their strength to face their issues, continues to give me the power to call myself a survivor.

One thing I truly long for is to have a close friendship with someone that can understand how the abuse has shaped me as a man.

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE HERE!!!
 
Guys,

I just want to say I'm watching this thread and I hope to learn a lot from you. I know this is just a personal issue, but right now I would have to say I am scared to death of the idea of speaking in a group context. I don't have problems talking to my T (a woman), nor do I think I would mind speaking to an audience about CSA. But sitting in a group with other survivors...wow.

I'm not sure why I find that so intimidating, but I do. I'm hoping that your thoughts and ideas will help me get past this.

I don't mean to divert the thread - just commenting that your discussion has a VERY interested observer!

Much love,
Larry
 
my city doesnt have a group targetted at male survivors. it does have a rape and incest group but they are largely women. that isnt a comfy spot for a guy. the closest i ever got was a sex addicts group, early in my recovery when i thought i was dealing with sex addiction instead of the abuse issues, before i remembered the abuse. i think a support group would be great, but so fat, i'm not aware of any here.
 
Hey there -- I am lucky enough to live in new York where there are several groups. I did a group a year back that was 16 weeks, and then we all had to leave. That was great and I can't exactly pinpoint why but my life grew and changed a lot. Now I'm in an ongoing mens group and I guess it is good . . . but sometimes I feel like too much of my time and energy is devoted to my recovery and I should move on . . . and one day I will. The other things where I am lucky is that many of I have a great circle of friends and strangely enough as I have begun to share my stuff . . . so too have they. This evening I had dinner with a friend who I had seen for several months, and alst time I told him what I was working on . . . this evening he told me about his abuse and how he was wondering whther therapy might be the key. He also said how his abuser had contacted him to make amends!! Anyway, enough rambling from me.
 
WOW!!! I don't know what I would do if my abuses contacted me to make amends.

Shortly after I started dealing with my issues, I didn't run into one of my abusers at the beach and I happened to mention that was having marriage trouble and offered me a place to stay if I needed one. At that moment and time I felt like a kid again and almost accepted his offer. BUT there was someone, that gave me the will to walk away. Since then I haven't come face to face with him again, but I have seen his picture in the paperone of which he was sitting in a police recruit class. That was really scary; it's good to know he didn't complete the class, but he is still a lifeguard on Delaware's largest beach.

So wish I had a friend I could just talk to about my abuse.
 
Hey thanks for your input guys. I am looking for people who have already found healing in Group T as opposed to speculation of what it would be like ok?

I thought that if I got 7-9 guys to tout the benefits of group therapy and share it with other clients in my area, that they will be pursuaded to join a group that my T is trying to start.
 
On my way to the first night of my 16-week Group, I was afraid, excited, and curious. I was afraid because I thought I might be more messed up than anybody else, and that I would be too messed up to get any help from Group. I was curious, because I wondered what do survivors look like, whether there was some observable characteristic that marks us as survivors. And I was excited, because I had done enough individual therapy work to understand that there were some things for me that individual therapy would never be able to address. My therapist is not, so far as I know, a survivor of sexual trauma. There were any number of vaguely formed questions in my mind at that time that I knew I wanted to ask other survivors, I wanted to meet survivors who had been dealing with their histories longer than I had. I had specific things I wanted to say to other survivors, and specific things I wanted to hear from other survivors, although I wasnt entirely certain what they were.

So, when I arrived outside the building where Group was held, I lit a cigarette and found myself looking around at the people coming and going on the street. I studied the men walking by and wondered of each was he or wasnt he a survivor, headed to Group. None of the men I saw turned and walked into the Group building. I finished my cigarette and went in. When I walked into the Group room, there were some others already waiting for Group to start. I made a nametag, picked a seat in the circle. I nodded hello to those in the room; they nodded hello in return. Some others filed in and did the same things. The door closed. The therapists took their seats. And then Group began.

Looking around the room was probably the first benefit I got from group. I was not alone. I was in a room with several other guys of varied ages, races, ethnicities, and orientations. There was certainly no survivor look that we had in common. That was pretty neat. That first night, we started making the rules that the group would function by. We were asked to consider what we needed to promote our senses of safety, and the members came up with several thoughtful, and valuable, rules. There was also an opportunity to hear from the therapists about the loose agenda that each meeting would follow. As I sat there, I was intensely aware of being in a closed room with several other men (and one woman, a co-therapist), and also quite aware of the different reactions I was having to others to their words, body language, etc. I started that first meeting with my arms and legs crossed, pressed to one side of my chair; but, by the end of the evening, I had unclenched enough to uncross my legs, put my feet flat on the floor, and let my arms rest on the arms of my chair.

There is nothing I can tell you about what I or any other group member shared in the fifteen weeks that followed. The very first rule of group is the protection of the confidentiality of group members. This was essential to promoting a sense of safety in which each member could feel free to disclose to the group without the fear that by doing so he would also disclose to the world at large. The downside to this rule is that I cannot tell you the how and the why of the benefits of group. The sharing of histories, of current problems, of difficult feelings, of discomforts, of progress these were all essential to the members. And everyone got to put in something every week. The most wonderful thing about all of this is the sense of commonality that evolved for me. I was not only not alone, I was also not even unique. There were other men going through what I had been through and was also going through.

And perhaps that was the biggest benefit of group for me. I walked into that first meeting feeling like I had a burden that made me less of a man than normal. By the last meeting, I knew better. I knew that I had a lot in common with other men. It is no lie to say that my self-esteem was many times better at the end of group than it was going in. I felt like a normal person, a normal man at the end of group (whereas I certainly did not feel that way going in.)

The second huge benefit that comes to mind is that the burden of grief, pain and shame that I walked in with was lightened considerably during those sixteen weeks. It is an absolute truth that speaking your story aloud to others who can understand and affirm your experiences, your reactions, and your emotions is a truly fine way to cope with sexual trauma.
 
John...........I bow in reverence to your writing style and skill.

My T is going to use your example in a flyer that he will be passing out to other T's in my area in an attempt to convince other clients to join. I got my fingers crossed, thank you once again.
 
:o :o :o and thanks -- I really do hope it will help.
 
Hey members and non-members and guests --

Just curious whether there are really so few people who have had experiences in group therapy. I had thought this thread might prompt responses from people who had been to MaleSurvivor and/or Kirkridge weekends, therapy groups not specifically for abuse, 12-step programs, etc., all of which are types of "group." Anyone else got some stuff to add?

John
 
While I always wanted a healthier life I never thought I'd be attending a support group. My experience with my support group has been a very positive one. I'm in a group that is peer to peer and not a 12 step program. I drive an hour away to make the meeting. I've been attending the support group meeting for 5 months now. The ages range from early 30's to 60's, various ethnicities, a wide range of backgrounds, and at different stages of recovery. Before therapy I had over 6 months of therapy. The first 3 meetings were filled with extreme anxiety. I kept reminding myself that its about being in a healthier place some day rather than giving into my fear. What I found ... was that I was not alone. Feelings ... daily struggles from moment to moment were not mine alone. The insane thoughts that I would never utter out loud were thought by others. I was surprised. I gain a sense of grounding. While I have disclosed to family and close friends they will never fully understand what I go through daily. I feel that at best they can only peek through a window into hell. But the people in my support group we've at one time or many times been where the other is. At times I have misplaced thoughts/feelings of wishing those close to me could understand and comfort me. Those close to me can only do/understand so much. The people in the support group with a word with a nod know the complexity what lies behind a simple statement. Over time the group becomes more comfortable. We're able to laugh at our ourselves and with each other. We're able to catch each other when we begin to fall or spiral. I've never questioned why I did not join a group sooner ... simply stated I wasn't ready yet. But I do wish that I would have joined one years ago ... decades ago. I know the that the group is but one piece in my recovery ... its not the save all cure. But its gone a long way to helping me get to a healthier place.

I've rambled a bit ... I hope this helps.
 
Hauser:
I have participated in two Mens groups and one mixed group for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. The mixed group did not involve a Therapist and eventually imploded due to disagreement over the purpose of the group. We also dismissed a predator who lied to infiltrate the mixed group and tried to prey on some of the members.
The mens groups I attended were beneficial in providing an environment where you could be vulnerable around other men and share the pain and difficulty unique to male survivors. Molested by my stepfather I found being able to trust a man not to be a perpetrator a big part of my healing process. As long as a Therapist is in charge and has a constructive plan for the group and the men involved are in a place in their healing process and therapy to handle a group it can be very beneficial.
What I mean by being in a good place in the healing process and therapy is that you do not want the group to turn into individual therapy with an audience for any one member. This happened in one of my mens groups and the person was sent back to their Therapist until they were ready to return. The only thing I would change is the length of time the group runs. After sixteen weeks, we all scattered to the four winds and never had contact again. If the group took a pause at sixteen weeks and started, again it would have been beneficial to those without an extended network of support from friends and family.
John
 
Hauser,

I participated in a 12-week group therapy program which allowed the participant to re-up at the end of the sessions for another 12 weeks. It was very benificial and I'd like to have continued except for the fact that it was not covered by insurance and I couldn't afford to keep up that kind of expense. It was very similar to what Johnsurvived described. Very healing being able to share in safety the things I had experienced.

Lots of love,

John
 
Thank you guys, I've forwarded your replies to my T. He's been trying to get one started, but it's not going to be an overnight operation obviously.

I already know what you guys are telling me, isn't that cool? I know this because of how much all of you mean to me and what we have done for eachother here, like recogizing things that we ourselves tend to overlook, and to give a more objective opinion about whatever troubles one of us, etc.

There is a strength in our combined efforts to help eachother that is hard to compare or quantify, but it's there and it's totally different from having a one-on-one conversation with a T. I would not say that one is better than the other in terms of healing, but I know that in my case both will be better than just one approach.
 
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