groovy

groovy
M

markgreyblue

Registrant
to feel ok about myself

I realize now I was doing things that would kill myself -
literally -

the only way I could feel ok about myself - was the example to do super good things - next to impossible - and in a lot of cases - impossible -

but this was the standard - or it was until I realized it wasn't anything that would work -

today I couldn't understand - why I was tired - but I slowed down - and just one step and another - kind of grooved along - tired -

and I realized - in order to be ok with myself - I don't always have to be impossibly good -
in fact just letting myself be kind of groovy is and walk along is ok too -

I feel ok - I walked a long - went to the book shop I go to a lot -
I sat in the rocking chair in the kids room - and felt oh so sleepy and warm -
I grooved home - got some cake first - and now - here's I am!

I feel I should go down to curling but I also feel it is important to be with my friends online tonight -

so it doesn't start for a few hours - I think I may go down later - and probably will - I won't worry about it now -

:)

this doesn't mean I have no drive and won't shoot for high standards - but I am ok with me
when I am not too - I think!

peace -

mark
 
sorry this is a better version maybe?? lol!

here were my thoughts -

to feel ok about myself

I realize now I was doing things that would kill myself -
literally -

the only way I could feel ok about myself - was the example to do super good things - next to impossible - and in a lot of cases - impossible -

but this was the standard - or it was until I realized it wasn't anything that would work -

today I couldn't understand - why I was tired - but I slowed down - and just one step and another - kind of grooved along - tired -

and I realized - in order to be ok with myself - I don't always have to be impossibly good -
in fact just letting myself be kind of grooving in a walk along is ok too -

I felt ok -

- I walked a long - went to the book shop I go to a lot -
I sat in the rocking chair in the small cozy kids room - and felt oh so sleepy and warm -
I listened with eyes closed to the music and then I grooved home - got some cake first - and now - here's I am!

an aside to this sleepy good feeling - I feel I should go down to curling tonight -
but I also feel it is important to be with my friends online -

so it doesn't start for a few hours - I think I may go down later - and probably will - I won't worry about it now -

:)

this doesn't mean I have no drive and won't shoot for high standards - but I am ok with me
when I am not too - I think!

peace -

mark
 
I'm OK with you just as you are too, Happy Holidays and a New Year.

Hugs Mark
 
Mark,

That is an important discovery bro! Survivors often think they have to prove themselves. I guess that's part of the whole complicated problem of guilt and self-esteem.

But you are okay just as you are Mark. And no, you don't have to perform great feats to prove you are a worthy person.

I like the alternative you opted for: grooving on down the line to a bookshop, then grooving back for cake and music. I would have rushed back for the cake! ;) But hey...

Much love,
Larry
 
thanks guys
 
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