Grindr Gays

OnceInnocent

Registrant
Something I've been thinking about in relation to this topic; one of the major draws of grindr to me is the validation and the positive attention. I honestly felt like no cis-person or really any person who wasn't desperate would find me attractive. But now I look at myself in the mirror and don't instantly hate it. I feel like I'm in demand lol

Even guys who I have no interest in when they text me "hey you're hot" or "hey you're cute" I just feel good. I made a different thread about desiring male affection and I'm certain this ties in. Compliments and positive feelings I get from other men are far more impactful than anything I hear from really any woman.

I was never wanted in anyway till now.
I think that’s it. If we weren’t wanted or were used but treated like crap... it leaves this unhealthy void, but also a healthy desire to FINALLY be recognised and appreciated. That acceptance and appreciation is needed with sex and body image just as much as other parts of our lives.
 
Well said, i agree. The attention is what I crave, especially when I think the guy is hot. How could someone so hot want me?
I want to get to a point where I can say to myself, damn you are hot!
And being wanted and desired by a man. Not just any man, a man that I look up that is accomplished physically or in life. In other wards, father hunger.
 
Last edited:
I have never found my type of guy on Grindr. In my area where I live, Grindr is full of young guys with a hot back side (lol). Since I am not into hook ups, it is just a time pass for me. When I (Daddy) get many messages on it, it makes my day more colorful but I hardly meet anyone on there in person. Older is wiser I guess.
 

Erik Zachary

Registrant
Last night I went through reading some older threads about attraction, and how much of it has to do with abuse.
Yesterday I also met up with an older man who brought up something interesting; it seems that younger guys are commonly attracted to older men because older guys have stuff that younger guys just don't like life experience, sex experience, interesting stories. They also usually have less drama or are less needy I suppose.
I guess what I'm getting at is do I just have daddy issues or is this like just how my attraction is? (To clarify I was never abused by my father but he left our family when I was very young, and was never around, and was not accepting of me at first for like 3 or 4 years.)

All my perps were my age ish, give or take a couple years.

Perhaps I am just overthinking this, but feels important to get out.
 
Last night I went through reading some older threads about attraction, and how much of it has to do with abuse.
Yesterday I also met up with an older man who brought up something interesting; it seems that younger guys are commonly attracted to older men because older guys have stuff that younger guys just don't like life experience, sex experience, interesting stories. They also usually have less drama or are less needy I suppose.
I guess what I'm getting at is do I just have daddy issues or is this like just how my attraction is? (To clarify I was never abused by my father but he left our family when I was very young, and was never around, and was not accepting of me at first for like 3 or 4 years.)

All my perps were my age ish, give or take a couple years.

Perhaps I am just overthinking this, but feels important to get out.
The young guys I met / chatted with, all were interested in sex. They were not mature enough to think of other things like life stories. And many wanted money.
 
I had a relapse.. spent lot of time on Grindr and also chat online (looking for ageplay mates for phone sex), feel bad for wasting time when I had so much stuff to do. I will never give up, going to restart my eArly morning runs, need to keep my mind exposed to different activities and new stimuli.
 
@Mikebhak
Could the pressure of to much to do have pushed you to escape? Just a thought. Are “setbacks “ can be stepping stones forward if we learn from them.
I am glad you caught yourself and adjusted. Enjoy your runs. I love it when catch the sunrise.
 

OnceInnocent

Registrant
Last night I went through reading some older threads about attraction, and how much of it has to do with abuse.
Yesterday I also met up with an older man who brought up something interesting; it seems that younger guys are commonly attracted to older men because older guys have stuff that younger guys just don't like life experience, sex experience, interesting stories. They also usually have less drama or are less needy I suppose.
I guess what I'm getting at is do I just have daddy issues or is this like just how my attraction is? (To clarify I was never abused by my father but he left our family when I was very young, and was never around, and was not accepting of me at first for like 3 or 4 years.)

All my perps were my age ish, give or take a couple years.

Perhaps I am just overthinking this, but feels important to get out.
I think its a bit of both.
we all seem to either have had no father figure, emotionally unavailable father figure, a non-accepting father figure or an abusive father figure.
that's a huge issue.
but yeah. youngers guys want stability. that's what I wanted until I was mid 30s. then suddenly I wanted to be the older more stable guy... weird though.
 
@Mikebhak
Could the pressure of to much to do have pushed you to escape? Just a thought. Are “setbacks “ can be stepping stones forward if we learn from them.
I am glad you caught yourself and adjusted. Enjoy your runs. I love it when catch the sunrise.
The stuff I had to do were simple stuff that I usually enjoy (like Xmas shopping etc). I still need to identify clearly my triggers for my addictive behavior.. slowly but surely I am improving.
 
I have a personal vendetta against Grindr. I refuse to use that thing after what it did to me after only five minutes of use and I’m trying to get as many men as I can to stop using it too so the app goes broke and loses money because men are refusing to use it. I was banned unfairly after I uploaded a pic of my face while I’m in a polo shirt and they said I was banned for inappropriate content. I did write them an extremely angry letter and then they tried to give me six months for free but I refused. I never thought highly of myself or my looks but I got the message. I’m ugly and my face is apparently so offensive to look at that it warrants banning if I ever take a pic of myself. I have refused to take pics of myself for the past six years and only pose for one if it’s in a group and I have no other choice.
 

manipulated

Moderator
Staff member
Cap I am sorry their operation fed your never thinking highly of yourself but like here there is a "report" button for other users. Unlike here where volunteer mods have to take time to review the "report" and make a determination there a "report" from a user about a new profile automatically freezes you out. That is why they offered you the free six months - they actually looked at the result of their mechanized system to deal with spammers and policy violations and saw the error or some other user just f'in with you. No one judged your photo. No person even looked at your photo from the site management their software suspends and waits for a complaint from the suspended before a human acts.

This is one of the things to bear in mind here as demands are made for "safety" - with safety comes less freedom to comment and be. With safety comes judgement. I for one come to MS for the lack of judgement that used to be the norm.
 

Rockfallrider

New Registrant
I get you. When I go on Grindr I am just a magnet... I had to turn off my notifications within 12 hours of registering because I would look down and see that I had a stack of banners that was overwhelming. I ended up deleting my account after a week because of all the attention. Most of it was being sent images of asses and dicks but what really got me was the constant beligerant assaults of asking, "want sex?" I was being triggered so hard I wanted to throw my phone as hard as I could against a wall. I wanted attention but I wanted it on "my terms." Grindr just seems like a FFA of abusive tactics.

My LGBTQIA+ Queer therapist had to register on Grindr, for the first time, as he was writing his book on Sexual Abust because he wanted to deep dive into what current gay culture was like from the perspective of someone new to the community.

He was... mortified. Grindr and to a lesser extent Tinder is full of everything self-destructive to the gay community and he said the amount of "denial" is by itself scary. He affirmed my personal experience with the app.

It may be gay culture now but it can change when people decide to change. I am definitely not one to judge others for sexual encounters because at the bars I took on the negative attention with pride due to the denial of my CSA and grooming online. I just want to be part of the positive change but am struggling to overcome the politics of fighting back from within.
 

Bornfree

Registrant
True... I personally would not want to attend a naked pride march. But all kinds of crazy happens I’m SF.
I've always had this fantasy about going to a pride march and getting my naked body painted all over, like an elephant perhaps!
 

MJCS

Registrant
From a public health standpoint, this sort of behavior frightens me. Ultimately, how you act is your business, but I hope you will use common sense precautions every time you engage with another man. As a straight man, I never behaved this way, but that's me. I'm not qualified to be your therapist, but I hope you will consider seeing one for possible answers to questions you may have regarding relationships. Good luck!
 
Grindr and similar apps have been a lifesaver, it has provided distraction when I really needed it.
 
When you're young blond and gay like me you have a lot of selection power on apps like Grindr. I get messages anytime day or night of guys who want in my pants, or guys who want to pay me to be their boyfriend. I get fellas sending me dick pics, ass pics, sometimes even a face pic.

This is really what gay culture is. Lets me be honest. Gay male culture is hook ups and guys lying about dick size. Its finding a warm hole and then leaving when you're done.

There is so much opportunity for me to destroy myself. I can hook up with almost any guy I want, I can put myself in dangerous situations. Hell I already have.
Sometimes I am confused about why I am doing it. Am I looking for just some fun or am I self-sabotaging? Is there even a difference? For me I don't think so.

Pass whatever judgement you may, I no longer care, I'm now just some young fag who sucked off an old guy for food and alcohol. I know it isn't healthy I guess but I don't even remotely feel bad about it. He was an interesting guy, the only person to ask me "are you happy with yourself? are you happy with what you're doing?"
I'm a young fag who met a guy at a truck stop just to have someone to talk to, he was a really cool guy. I'm a young fag who wouldn't mind taking money to get guys off.

Is this self-destructive? Probably. Do I care? Not really. Is that somewhat scary? A bit.
Hey Erik

Thank you for posting and being so honest. I see that we are exact opposites, neither one of us is right nor wrong. I read your post and actually in a crazy way wish I was as free spirited as you in your sexuality. I am older now and have repressed my sexual feelings for anyone my entire life, up till now, my Perp has won.

When I got away from my perp at 14, I sealed up my sexuality and never dated. I had had sex and I was NOT impressed. What is so hard for me now, is to hear that no that was not sex. (My head argues, I got the erection I ejaculated, and my brain says that that is all there is to sex.) I am learning about my body, about my sex drive, about my head and in the long process of putting myself back together.

So yeah, we are opposites, but I think, for me, that this place, having a great T, and really close group of friends that are supporting me judgement free, is helping me. I know I am here to heal and begin to accept myself as good man. What a long journey this will be for me.
I finally have hope for the future, and I can breathe in the moment.

Again, Erik thanks for posting
 

Fabio_SP

Registrant
OMG! I don't have words...
 
Top