Grieving Deeply

Grieving Deeply
J

jacob77

Guys,
Thanx to all those of you who responded to my plea for help.
I am still grieving on a daily basis and crying often.
I went to my doctor today who is gay and he was out so I will have to see him tomorrow.
I am still in severe physical pain and am incredible shame and still shame myself and hate myself for not fighting this guy off and kicking his ass.
I'm crying even as I type this post.
I cried a lot when I shared at my SA group because of the shame and my inability to forgive myself.
Thanx for everything.
I just don't think I can live with myself.
 
jacob,

I don't think you will hear this enough but this is not your fault. You cannot go back and change the past so try to focus on your future.

SA is like a splinter in your finger and the faster you deal with the problem the quicker and easier the recovery.

I will not pretend to be able to imagine your pain, but you are here, and you are working on this very aggressively. I know in my heart that with the help of your group, your doctor(s), your faith, and everyone here at MaleSurvivor, that you will emerge from this.

Please give yourself the chance you deserve. You say you will be able to see your doctor tomorrow, so hang on to that and live life one day at a time.

Take care,

((((((jacob))))))
 
I agree with Roland. It was not your fault. Perps are just evil. If they weren't, they'd be getting help. Coming here is the strong thing to do. We're with you.

ForeverFighting
 
I cannot agree more with what has already been said. Thing is perps are just scum as far as I am concerned. I realize this from a post by Ken Singer. Not monsters or demons. Just scum and not worthy of attention. It is us who are important and that we live life as we were meant to.
 
Hi Jacob,
Could you repeat something after me?
It was not my fault, it was all his fault.
Jacob I can't hear you, could you say it a little louder?
It was Not My Fault, It was All His Fault.
Jacob you can do better than that.
It Was NOT My Fault, It was ALL His Fault.
Come on Jacob, louder!
It Was NOT My Fault, It was ALL His Fault.
Again! Louder!
IT WAS NOT MY FAULT! IT WAS ALL HIS FAULT! IT WAS ALL HIS FAULT! IT WAS ALL HIS FAULT! IT WAS ALL HIS FAULT! IT WAS ALL HIS FAULT!

Ok Jacob, I think you got it! When ever you hear that inner voice saying it was your fault, I want you to say this, at least ten times to yourself, out loud if you can.

Please keep in touch. We have both straight and gay guys here, and WE ALL say. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!
 
Jacob,

I am truly sorry for what you have been through. I do not know you, but I know you are not to blame. Perps are sick, twisted, demented fucks who selfishly harm others. (pardon the profanity). Please, be good to yourself!

Casey
 
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