Graduating
bisulatino
Registrant
Fellow Survivors,
After five years of unbelievable, painful, costly struggle I am finally graduating. Going through a process that involved being attacked by an outbreak of self-defeating behaviors, having to confront those behaviors and, as a result, the surfacing of my CSA has been at times like hell on earth. Thankfully, I was able to create a support network, something I had to learn to do, to help me at minimum "survive" a school where I felt unappreciated, cheated and out-of-place. I didn't do spectacular, I wasn't a cum laude student, but my performance improved greatly, nearly triple that of some previous semesters. I am glad that I will finally be graduating, but moreso because I will finally be able to free myself from this mistake of a university.
I owe every bit of it to my support network. I owe my therapist, who told me things such as "sometimes the impossible takes a little while" and taught me that it wasn't my fault. I owe my liasons at disability resources, who shared with me their own personal struggles and gave me advice when my inherent confusion was in control. I owe my departmental advisors, who calmed me down when my reaction was to panic and kept me believing that I would graduate. I couldn't see how great all these things, that these people were doing for me, were. I couldn't see that I had created a support network by going to these people and that by doing so I was taking control. I couldn't even see that I was going to graduate, all I seemed to be able to see was failure, but thanks to my support network I made it, and now I can see how.
I'm still dealing with the CSA, my therapist was doing an excellent job treating me but now I am leaving. I know that my healing is not over, but I also know that I deserve to heal and I believe that, although it may take a while, I can eventually figure it out.
My parents and my sister travelled 1600 miles to see me graduate. After that, I'll be going back home to be with my family for good. I know I still have a lot of work ahead of me, but I know that as long as I don't give up that I'll survive to the very end.
If any of you are in higher education and struggling with depression and/or CSA, then I hope this post will help you. I also highly suggest reading this post . I wish that when I was starting out that I had someone tell me these things, but I hope that by sharing my experience that someone else in a similar situation won't have to struggle as much as I did.
After five years of unbelievable, painful, costly struggle I am finally graduating. Going through a process that involved being attacked by an outbreak of self-defeating behaviors, having to confront those behaviors and, as a result, the surfacing of my CSA has been at times like hell on earth. Thankfully, I was able to create a support network, something I had to learn to do, to help me at minimum "survive" a school where I felt unappreciated, cheated and out-of-place. I didn't do spectacular, I wasn't a cum laude student, but my performance improved greatly, nearly triple that of some previous semesters. I am glad that I will finally be graduating, but moreso because I will finally be able to free myself from this mistake of a university.
I owe every bit of it to my support network. I owe my therapist, who told me things such as "sometimes the impossible takes a little while" and taught me that it wasn't my fault. I owe my liasons at disability resources, who shared with me their own personal struggles and gave me advice when my inherent confusion was in control. I owe my departmental advisors, who calmed me down when my reaction was to panic and kept me believing that I would graduate. I couldn't see how great all these things, that these people were doing for me, were. I couldn't see that I had created a support network by going to these people and that by doing so I was taking control. I couldn't even see that I was going to graduate, all I seemed to be able to see was failure, but thanks to my support network I made it, and now I can see how.
I'm still dealing with the CSA, my therapist was doing an excellent job treating me but now I am leaving. I know that my healing is not over, but I also know that I deserve to heal and I believe that, although it may take a while, I can eventually figure it out.
My parents and my sister travelled 1600 miles to see me graduate. After that, I'll be going back home to be with my family for good. I know I still have a lot of work ahead of me, but I know that as long as I don't give up that I'll survive to the very end.
If any of you are in higher education and struggling with depression and/or CSA, then I hope this post will help you. I also highly suggest reading this post . I wish that when I was starting out that I had someone tell me these things, but I hope that by sharing my experience that someone else in a similar situation won't have to struggle as much as I did.
) in terms of dealing with the abuse, I can sincerely compliment you with all my heart in your achievement. Continue to believe and strive for that better day as it will come one day. Only you will know, within yourself, how much you have achieved. Take time to reward yourself. Keep up the work!! Congratulations!!
