good weekend...
I am sorry I missed so much when I was off for the weekend. I see many have struggled, and I wish I was there to offer support.
I had a great weekend. I bought Mic Hunters Abused Boys, and finished it yesterday. I learned a lot, though I also knew much of it, or had figured it out on my own. I was locked into it as I read, and kept thinking how I saw my self in much of what he wrote.
My wife asked me about it Saturday night. She listened, I mean really listened as I described my life. The only area I was a bit vague on was the period where I punished my self badly. That is a very hard area to tell anyone about, but I dont think she needs to know every minute detail. I told her I punished my self by inflicting pain on my self, and by doing things that were gross and degrading to me.
Fortunately or unfortunately, my wife was abused as well, so I guess she understands better than some wives might. She looked a bit shocked, offered some very wise insights, and said she didnt know I had it that bad. She validated the anger I am feeling toward my parents, and was very understanding. She asked if she could read the book when I was done.
We talked for almost two-hours. When we turned in, we cuddled and caressed, and fell asleep in each others arms. I rose early yesterday, and began a journal. I feel writing might help me explore some of my feelings. I am going to write letters, which I wont send, to my abuser, my inner child, my parents, and to those I acted out with and victimized after the abuse. I wrote one last night to the first girl I abused. I was in tears as I said I was sorry, and asked her to forgive me. I told her what had happened and tried to explain how much it hurts to carry what I did to her with me. I hope it helps.
I had a great weekend. I bought Mic Hunters Abused Boys, and finished it yesterday. I learned a lot, though I also knew much of it, or had figured it out on my own. I was locked into it as I read, and kept thinking how I saw my self in much of what he wrote.
My wife asked me about it Saturday night. She listened, I mean really listened as I described my life. The only area I was a bit vague on was the period where I punished my self badly. That is a very hard area to tell anyone about, but I dont think she needs to know every minute detail. I told her I punished my self by inflicting pain on my self, and by doing things that were gross and degrading to me.
Fortunately or unfortunately, my wife was abused as well, so I guess she understands better than some wives might. She looked a bit shocked, offered some very wise insights, and said she didnt know I had it that bad. She validated the anger I am feeling toward my parents, and was very understanding. She asked if she could read the book when I was done.
We talked for almost two-hours. When we turned in, we cuddled and caressed, and fell asleep in each others arms. I rose early yesterday, and began a journal. I feel writing might help me explore some of my feelings. I am going to write letters, which I wont send, to my abuser, my inner child, my parents, and to those I acted out with and victimized after the abuse. I wrote one last night to the first girl I abused. I was in tears as I said I was sorry, and asked her to forgive me. I told her what had happened and tried to explain how much it hurts to carry what I did to her with me. I hope it helps.
