Good Touch, Bad Touch

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The Bluefoot

Late yesterday I wrote a story about acting out most like the first of many of my acting experiences in my life. This one ending with my fire setting problem. I had at some point talked about my first T I went to a Psychiatrist in Manhattan in his Mid 30's Dr. S He did a lot of Play therapy and I was 5 when I first went to him, and stayed until the age of 9. The two main things I remember about his work is his red motorcycle, we went for a ride on it once when I was 9 thought the street of NYC. I taught it was cool but must have scared me to, since I never been on a motorcycle since. And the second things I remember is his abuse. good touch bad touch.

My mother had told him I did not like being touch by adults. He must had said something about abuse. So he was asking me me about good touch and bad touch by actually touching my privates. I remember this like it was yesterday. he was not a medical doctor who was allowed to touch my privates while my mother was watching. He was a Psychiatrist, only allow to touch my mind in a good way and not doing a good job.

After a 45 mins session with him, I would go into the waiting room were my mom was sitting and she go in to talk to Dr. S for 10 or so mins and I wait for her. The next patience would arrive, and sit near me. His name was Martin. he was 5 years older then me and very nice. I knew him well. and so did my mother. He was a relative of a very good friend of the family. Martin was the step grandson of Ms. M She used to work with my mother in the 1950's She often baby sat for me so was very nice and not abusive at all.

Thou Martin learned from Dr. S good touch Bad touch also and he would touch me in bad touch games in the waiting room too for 10 mins while my mother was not there. Ever week I see the doctor for for 4 years and would be abuse by both Martin and the doctor. I know the doctor taught it to Martin and martin was taking it out on me. I don't know if he enjoyed it or not. And at the age of 9 my mother changed doctors for me, she felt I was not improving and thought a Lady T may work better. so we changed. Martin never abused me again. I did see him a few more times at Ms. M place. Then his family moved to New Jersey. Ms. M and I as time went on Became friends, SO I heard he End up in Maryland as an English teacher, Married with a family. Ms. M and I had a falling out when she was 95 years in age. And she lived to over a 100.

A few days ago I did a back ground check on Martin. The company I work for I have excess to do back ground checkers on any one I wish. I am head of Marketing and PR. So I did one of Martin. He is 62 Lives on the other side of the US. And is a Register Sex Offender, for 2 Sodomy charges to 2, 15 yr girls. it did not surprise me and he served 20 years in prison. What surprised me was it was girls and not boys. And I sit here and cry, because two girls lives and done, his life is done, his families, life is done, and the fault of the dam Dr. S.

I blame Dr. S for teaching Martin how to abuse others. How many other victim's are there like martin or me. Yes we both reacted different but we are both damaged. And I did act out not just with fires I was the bullie of my neighborhood as well so I did harm others also. I take some blame too. Thou I did not do things sexual I did hurt others.
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