Good news and hope
For 16 months now I haven't known for sure if my husband could be a threat to our daughter. I had no way of knowing if he was part of something ongoing and sick still with his father or not. Well everything really came to a head yesterday when he finally told me that he found out a month ago that more than 40 years ago his dad molested his little sister (husband's aunt). Husband shook and cried harder than I've ever seen. Said he'll never see his dad the same (what I've been hoping for all along). He hasn't spoken to his father for the last month. This Christmas morning after our baby opened her gifts he started getting a knot in his stomach that was making him naseous because he felt he had to call his 12 year old half sister who lives with his father but he didn't want to have to speak with his father or stepmom. I told him I'm 100% sure his sister's been/is being abused, he says he's still 50/50 because he so badly doesn't want to believe it could be true. We already know of three child family members, male and female, he's abused, but he somehow thinks since she's his own daughter maybe he couldn't do it. I know his dad doesn't care because he's a sick person. Danny (my husband) paced around the living room worried about what to do until he came up with the idea that he could make a person-to-person call asking for his sister directly. Noone answered the phone so he ended up calling back and leaving a message for sister Sarah only.
I finally believe my husband that he doesn't condone his father's actions and that he finally sees he's a sick person. I won't be needing a lie detector test and I won't have to get the computer examined to find out if he and his dad were sharing child porn. He told his therapist about finding out that his dad molested his own sister 40 years ago - he didn't have to do that if he were protecting him. It's been pulling on his conscience, this "death pact secret" he made with his aunt not to tell anyone. But now I know and his therapist knows. And I agree with the therapist we paid $3,000 to for all the psychological testing that Danny is not a risk to children, but his father is.
I have a sister who's an attorney and she's said something to the effect that once my life got stable here with my family she'd contact the prosecutor where Stephen (the molester) lives and it'll all get dealt with then. It will be a terrible shame if Stephen's father is still living when it all comes out. Stephen is the oldest of four children. His youngest sister might not be the only sibling he abused. The aunt begged Danny to take the secret to his grave because she's afraid it'll kill her father.
One other positive thing that's happened through this storm is a result of a letter I sent to the wife of one of Danny's work friends. I wrote her telling her I was very concerned about the fact that they shared an unhealthy porn habit and that it was going on in the workplace. Of course my husband was so embarrassed and angry, and so was his buddy at work. But that wife really let him have it and he gave up the porn 2 months ago and has stayed sober from it since then. He told my husband a couple days ago the longer he's away from it the more he can see the evil in it and that Ted Bundy says the one thing all the guys in prison with him have in common is their porn addiction, so that should tell you something, right? I avoided the 2 company Christmas parties because I was too embarrassed to see this couple, knowing I had targeted them with some of my anger toward my husband. I don't think I'll be embarrassed any more. I feel good that I might have saved their marriage and improved the lives of their children.
So I got the best Christmas gift of all. I can trust my husband. He was harmed, but this doesn't mean he could harm a child, and he won't. Just thought I'd share some good news!
I finally believe my husband that he doesn't condone his father's actions and that he finally sees he's a sick person. I won't be needing a lie detector test and I won't have to get the computer examined to find out if he and his dad were sharing child porn. He told his therapist about finding out that his dad molested his own sister 40 years ago - he didn't have to do that if he were protecting him. It's been pulling on his conscience, this "death pact secret" he made with his aunt not to tell anyone. But now I know and his therapist knows. And I agree with the therapist we paid $3,000 to for all the psychological testing that Danny is not a risk to children, but his father is.
I have a sister who's an attorney and she's said something to the effect that once my life got stable here with my family she'd contact the prosecutor where Stephen (the molester) lives and it'll all get dealt with then. It will be a terrible shame if Stephen's father is still living when it all comes out. Stephen is the oldest of four children. His youngest sister might not be the only sibling he abused. The aunt begged Danny to take the secret to his grave because she's afraid it'll kill her father.
One other positive thing that's happened through this storm is a result of a letter I sent to the wife of one of Danny's work friends. I wrote her telling her I was very concerned about the fact that they shared an unhealthy porn habit and that it was going on in the workplace. Of course my husband was so embarrassed and angry, and so was his buddy at work. But that wife really let him have it and he gave up the porn 2 months ago and has stayed sober from it since then. He told my husband a couple days ago the longer he's away from it the more he can see the evil in it and that Ted Bundy says the one thing all the guys in prison with him have in common is their porn addiction, so that should tell you something, right? I avoided the 2 company Christmas parties because I was too embarrassed to see this couple, knowing I had targeted them with some of my anger toward my husband. I don't think I'll be embarrassed any more. I feel good that I might have saved their marriage and improved the lives of their children.
So I got the best Christmas gift of all. I can trust my husband. He was harmed, but this doesn't mean he could harm a child, and he won't. Just thought I'd share some good news!
