good news? and a question?
lipsticklullabies
Registrant
soo today is me and my boyfriends 11 MONTH anniversary.
for those of you keeping track at home, thats only one month shy of a year
& alsooooo i had a really good night
it was like, disney movie good hahaha
me, my bestfriends amber and caitlin and ambers boyfriend trevor, who is the coolest guy ever, whose soon becoming one of my favorite friends, went to trevors schools homcoming football game.
we had a good time,
then after half time we went to burger king and then wee went to trevors house cause he just got a trampoleen.
so we got a bunch of blankets and laid on it and looked at the stars for like 20 minutesand then we all started to fall a sleep a little.
i was just laying there lookin at the stars wondering stuff like, i wonder if jarrods lookin at the stars right now,
and just being in awe of the universe, and basically just feeling so small but safe, smushed between my two bestfriends who love me, support me, and know E V E R Y T H I N G about me, (yes even that im gay, yes even "what happened")
so i closed my eyes.
i had known the football game was going to be cold so i wore two shirts and heavy socks, so i wasn't cold under my blanket but my face got all cold and sharp.
but it felt so, cleansing? i gues i could say, it just felt so good, so pure...
then amber started to figdet.
she was pressed up against me.
i got really uncomfortable.
i jumped to conclusions.
oh god they're doin something.
and i started gettin really nervous.
but then i tried to talk myself out of it,
and i did, and i calmed down a little,
thinkin, okay so his parents room is RIGHT above the yard, and the window is open, no way they're doin something.
so i was okay for like, two seconds
until
i heard
a noise
and i knew
they were
doin
somethin.
i pulled the blanket up over my face cause i felt really scared
and i was thinkin
"stuff" oh god they're doin "stuff" right next to me,
and
i just, couldn't stop feeling her up against me,
and, idk, like, i was just so scared everytime i felt a shudder on the trampoleen that someone was having an orgasum.
and i dont know why that scared me soo bad.
so i started to think,
youre with youre BESTFRIENDS and TREVOR. youre SOOO safe right now, THEY wouldn't do ANYTHING to you! and they'd keep you safe! youre FIIINNEEE.
So i started to calm down a little
and i was okay
except, inside my chest still fluttered
and then two minutes later i realized my hands were still clenched, all wrapped up in my shirt on my chest.
when they were done they started laughing
and amber was holdin out her hand, like, something, was, on, it.
she wipped it on the trampoleen above MY HEAD.
he went inside.
shes like
Do you know why we're laughing!?"
and im like,
uh yeah
and they thought mea nd cate were asleep.
when he got back,
i put the blanket over my face
and he was in a GOOOOD mood, obviously
he kept poking my face.
through the blanket.....
i was TRYING to joke around back..but yeah,
but then he threw himself on top of me
it took every ounce of me not to break his neck
god it was the worst
i just had to keep thinkin, it'll be over and you'll get to come home
and you'll bee fiiine
now im home
;alskdjfa
could i have handled this any better?
i feel like i did a good job...not letting myself flip out and i didnt cry or hyperventalate or anything, i kept control over myself, thats what i feel so proud about.
i have obessive complusive disorder, CONTROL over MYSELF, is something i have the worst time with,
throw that in with, sex stuff and well..yeah...
so i guess im proud of myself for not flipping out and crying and making a huge deal of it and seemingl ike a drama queen to my friends.
but still
did i handle this situation well?
//josh
for those of you keeping track at home, thats only one month shy of a year
& alsooooo i had a really good night
it was like, disney movie good hahaha
me, my bestfriends amber and caitlin and ambers boyfriend trevor, who is the coolest guy ever, whose soon becoming one of my favorite friends, went to trevors schools homcoming football game.
we had a good time,
then after half time we went to burger king and then wee went to trevors house cause he just got a trampoleen.
so we got a bunch of blankets and laid on it and looked at the stars for like 20 minutesand then we all started to fall a sleep a little.
i was just laying there lookin at the stars wondering stuff like, i wonder if jarrods lookin at the stars right now,
and just being in awe of the universe, and basically just feeling so small but safe, smushed between my two bestfriends who love me, support me, and know E V E R Y T H I N G about me, (yes even that im gay, yes even "what happened")
so i closed my eyes.
i had known the football game was going to be cold so i wore two shirts and heavy socks, so i wasn't cold under my blanket but my face got all cold and sharp.
but it felt so, cleansing? i gues i could say, it just felt so good, so pure...
then amber started to figdet.
she was pressed up against me.
i got really uncomfortable.
i jumped to conclusions.
oh god they're doin something.
and i started gettin really nervous.
but then i tried to talk myself out of it,
and i did, and i calmed down a little,
thinkin, okay so his parents room is RIGHT above the yard, and the window is open, no way they're doin something.
so i was okay for like, two seconds
until
i heard
a noise
and i knew
they were
doin
somethin.
i pulled the blanket up over my face cause i felt really scared
and i was thinkin
"stuff" oh god they're doin "stuff" right next to me,
and
i just, couldn't stop feeling her up against me,
and, idk, like, i was just so scared everytime i felt a shudder on the trampoleen that someone was having an orgasum.
and i dont know why that scared me soo bad.
so i started to think,
youre with youre BESTFRIENDS and TREVOR. youre SOOO safe right now, THEY wouldn't do ANYTHING to you! and they'd keep you safe! youre FIIINNEEE.
So i started to calm down a little
and i was okay
except, inside my chest still fluttered
and then two minutes later i realized my hands were still clenched, all wrapped up in my shirt on my chest.
when they were done they started laughing
and amber was holdin out her hand, like, something, was, on, it.
she wipped it on the trampoleen above MY HEAD.
he went inside.
shes like
Do you know why we're laughing!?"
and im like,
uh yeah
and they thought mea nd cate were asleep.
when he got back,
i put the blanket over my face
and he was in a GOOOOD mood, obviously
he kept poking my face.
through the blanket.....
i was TRYING to joke around back..but yeah,
but then he threw himself on top of me
it took every ounce of me not to break his neck
god it was the worst
i just had to keep thinkin, it'll be over and you'll get to come home
and you'll bee fiiine
now im home
;alskdjfa
could i have handled this any better?
i feel like i did a good job...not letting myself flip out and i didnt cry or hyperventalate or anything, i kept control over myself, thats what i feel so proud about.
i have obessive complusive disorder, CONTROL over MYSELF, is something i have the worst time with,
throw that in with, sex stuff and well..yeah...
so i guess im proud of myself for not flipping out and crying and making a huge deal of it and seemingl ike a drama queen to my friends.
but still
did i handle this situation well?
//josh
