going to the doctor today, if she makes me.
lipsticklullabies
Registrant
so im supposed to go to the doctor today and my mom basically threw it in my face that we cant go on vacation this summer because she has to now pay for me to go to the doctor and get tests and shit and i dont know so i told her that im not going because she'll hold it over my head for fucking years and i can not give her something more for her to yell at me about.
so we got into it and im giving her a hard time that she doesn't believe me cause ya knw what the hell am i supposed to do, let her call me a liar?
so she starts saying shit like, IF it really happened its a criminal offense and she needs to know so she can press charges.
hi im not stupid even if i knew who it was theyd have a real hard time proving NOW that it happened.
hi evidence? yeah not gonna happen.
expessially since the person i THINK did it was a fucking COP.
shes like "did it happen ina public setting or at home, or"
and im trying to tell heri dont fucking REMEMBER.yeah i remember what happened. cause i can close my eyes and see it and shit but i dont know whats around me god damn.
so, shes like saying all this really mean shit to me so i told her to shut up and she goes "ya know, in twenty years youre goin lok back on all this and feel horrible about the wa you talk to me" and so i say, i dont fucking CARE anymore
and she says oh butwith your memory maybe youll just forget.
yeah so
basically right now i want to run away.
cause ive tried killing myself and well that just doesn't work apparently, my body wont die.
why the fuck would i make this shit up, why does she believe i would put myself in a situation that gets her to yell at me like that!?
BESIDES. i used to lie. when i was younger, i made so much shit up. my mom defended it and said i was making up stories which was basically true cause once i really got into writing i quit lying and crap but yeah so she thinks that i just have an over active imagination. and i kind of do which is one reason i question what happened but, i dont think my body would feel so drained if it didnt really happen. you cant fake this sad, god.
but my point is, if i was going to lieee about something im not stupid.. id make it up good, i wouldnt be like THIS HAPPENED BUT YEAH I DONT REMEMBER NO I CANT ANSWER THAT cause if im going to LIE about soething iw ant someone to beleive me otherwise what the hell is the point of lying? im not stupid jesus christ.
yeah so now shes like, saying ih ave to go to the doctor and she'll tell the doctor what SHE thinks is going on and that she'll let me talk to the doctor by myself which i think i can deal with b ecause i can probably tell the doctor what i remember, i just cant voice that shit to my mom. but the thing is i have to do this all RIGHT before i go to work... the appointment is at 130. i work at 3. i have to leave at 230 or 220 to get down there.
if this all really happens, and i go to the doctor i might be callin in sick.
idk part of me is dreaming that all of this goes okay and the doctor makes it as painless as possible and doesn't even make me take my clothes off and shes nice and then my mom actually believes me and the doctor tells my mom about free counsling and my mom and i get counsling and it all has a happy ending
only, im not stupid
theres never a happy ending.
//josh
so we got into it and im giving her a hard time that she doesn't believe me cause ya knw what the hell am i supposed to do, let her call me a liar?
so she starts saying shit like, IF it really happened its a criminal offense and she needs to know so she can press charges.
hi im not stupid even if i knew who it was theyd have a real hard time proving NOW that it happened.
hi evidence? yeah not gonna happen.
expessially since the person i THINK did it was a fucking COP.
shes like "did it happen ina public setting or at home, or"
and im trying to tell heri dont fucking REMEMBER.yeah i remember what happened. cause i can close my eyes and see it and shit but i dont know whats around me god damn.
so, shes like saying all this really mean shit to me so i told her to shut up and she goes "ya know, in twenty years youre goin lok back on all this and feel horrible about the wa you talk to me" and so i say, i dont fucking CARE anymore
and she says oh butwith your memory maybe youll just forget.
yeah so
basically right now i want to run away.
cause ive tried killing myself and well that just doesn't work apparently, my body wont die.
why the fuck would i make this shit up, why does she believe i would put myself in a situation that gets her to yell at me like that!?
BESIDES. i used to lie. when i was younger, i made so much shit up. my mom defended it and said i was making up stories which was basically true cause once i really got into writing i quit lying and crap but yeah so she thinks that i just have an over active imagination. and i kind of do which is one reason i question what happened but, i dont think my body would feel so drained if it didnt really happen. you cant fake this sad, god.
but my point is, if i was going to lieee about something im not stupid.. id make it up good, i wouldnt be like THIS HAPPENED BUT YEAH I DONT REMEMBER NO I CANT ANSWER THAT cause if im going to LIE about soething iw ant someone to beleive me otherwise what the hell is the point of lying? im not stupid jesus christ.
yeah so now shes like, saying ih ave to go to the doctor and she'll tell the doctor what SHE thinks is going on and that she'll let me talk to the doctor by myself which i think i can deal with b ecause i can probably tell the doctor what i remember, i just cant voice that shit to my mom. but the thing is i have to do this all RIGHT before i go to work... the appointment is at 130. i work at 3. i have to leave at 230 or 220 to get down there.
if this all really happens, and i go to the doctor i might be callin in sick.
idk part of me is dreaming that all of this goes okay and the doctor makes it as painless as possible and doesn't even make me take my clothes off and shes nice and then my mom actually believes me and the doctor tells my mom about free counsling and my mom and i get counsling and it all has a happy ending
only, im not stupid
theres never a happy ending.
//josh
