Going through waves of rage
Hurting4myson
Registrant
My son disclosed his abuse at the hands of a youth pastor from age 9-16 last June. He is 38 and has struggled with substance abuse for years (has been in recovery for the last 11 years with some relapses) because he wanted to numb the emotional pain he was in. I have been through all manner of feelings about this. I feel guilt because I didn’t know. I feel sadness for the years he has lost. I feel a lot of anger, but that seems to come in waves and I want so badly to do damage to his perpetrator who is still alive and living in our town. I have had nightmares where I kill him. They are horrible dreams and then I am teary and sad for days afterward. I am NOT a violent person and am appalled by these dreams that I have. Mostly I want to out him as the monster he is, but he is cunning and extremely smart. I can see how he groomed our whole family while doing horrible things to not only my son, but many, many other boys. I will NEVER go back to church again. I guess my question is: Is it normal for this anger to come in waves like this? How can I direct it positively? And yes, I am in therapy, as is my son.