Going through the motions

[Tryingtolive]

Everyday the same thing.
The repeated cycle.
The same thoughts.
Everything in motion.
Going through the motions.
Like a robot.
Not really living
Doing just enough.
Going through the motions.

 

[tommyb]

(tryingtolive)

 

[KMCINVA]

I know the feeling. I have been in this state for sometime. No sense of self, no motivation. Sadly this past weekend I said and it was not intentional that I would be happy if I did not open my eyes in the morning and I was gone. It upset the people I was staying with. They had fear for me that I wanted to die and what I could do. I did feel this way and to be honest if it happens I have no regrets. I just want to be free of the pain and living life like I am going through the motions as you said. This was the same expression the wife said when she asked if I was was just going through the motions of living. I said yes. It is no way to live because as you said it is not living.

You capture my emotions and feelings in ways I cannot express.

Kevin

 

[Nothing Man]

T2L, one of the things that AA taught me is that in order to change outlooks or perspectives or attitudes, the behavior has to change first. It seems counterintuitive, but studies have shown that is how the mind works. That's why AA has a phrase "Fake it 'til you make it" and it means if one just continues to do the things that seem unusual, eventually they will become the norm and the mind will assume that new normality.

Sometimes we just have to go through the motions to survive. But are we also empowering ourselves by adopting new and better "motions?" My therapist talks about us survivors (he is one himself) giving ourselves "exquisite self-compassion." I hope you can give yourself the compassion and kindness you so freely give others.

 

[victor-victim]

[quote:Nothing Man]if one just continues to do the things that seem unusual, eventually they will become the norm and the mind will assume that new normality.

Sometimes we just have to go through the motions to survive. But are we also empowering ourselves by adopting new and better "motions?" [/quote]


Insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results.
~ Roger Teague
Narcotics Anonymous

i took this philosophy to heart and find this logic very effective to reprogram my behaviour patterns whenever i am not satisfied with the consequences of my actions. reason and passion need not cancel each another in conflict. synchronized, instinct and intellect become powerful allies.

 

[KMCINVA]

Victor like the Teague quote. Truth lies within those words.

Nothing Man--"exquisite self-compassion" is something that has alluded me. I have compassion for other survivors but as I am realizing with my healing what I can preach I cannot practice unto myself. My T said I self abuse--going back to the abuse. I think of Victor's words Insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results.--I react toward myself the same as I have, I react to others who attack me the same, I let the triggers of words and actions control me, I apologize or say sorry for things I should not-my behavior is the same as I have always done, and I wonder why the result is on-going self abuse and decline in my desire to live. I have embraced insanity in my behavior. I have not given myself compassion because I think the abuse was compassion less as were many of the triggers. I accepted and many were repeated and I accepted. How do I achieve "exquisite self-compassion" and stop living insanity?

Tryingtolive your words "going through the motions" resonate with me. Words a friend said last weekend as I expressed my thoughts on how I do not care if I live. She said and explained what she saw, a man who has much to offer but has put his life on the shelf, to watch and not engage in life because of a sense of uselessness and a sense of worthlessness from the control the abuser and family caused you (me that is) to believe. By going through the motions of life you give them control and validation that you are useless and you are worthless. She said if I engaged in life and began to see myself as good and kind I would regain control of me, I would learn and believe I am not useless but valuable. She told me my behavior of allowing others to control my thoughts, my emotions and being is counterproductive to living and growing. I understood her words and when you wrote about going through the motions (of life), I could hear her say those same words and think how to I begin to engage and how do I stop the insanity.

The three of you are helping me see something my friend said and I have not been able to see, it may be rudimentary, but it maybe a pathway to understanding why I feel so low, unloved and have no desire to live. I have allowed insanity to control my life.