Going crazy, I start work again tomorrow

[ScooterSCS]

Long day today, a lot happened. I went to Oak Park, Illinois for my first counselors appointment at home (from school). It went ok. I was all over the Chicagoland area, went from Chicago, to Dyer, Indiana, back home, out to look at cars, from dealership to dealership. All of this with my 2 year old nephew.
At this point I can tell you right now, I am never having kids. Too much for me to handle. Between the crappy Indiana drivers and the kid running everywhere and phone calls on my cell. I felt like I was enclosed in a little tiny box and I couldn't get out. I was getting soooooo frustrated. My head is spinning right now, too much to think about (as usual). I feel like i am going crazy, if you really want to know what is going through my head it's "I don't know" over and over and over and over and over. You get the idea.
Take a deap breath.......ok
I need to relax, and I can't...always tense, always active, always self-conscience, always easily irritated. I've been getting headaches every night for the past 2 maybe 3 weeks. Stress-headaches?
None of my friends have called me in 4 days...I don't want to call them, only because I will feel out of place because I haven't hung out with them since i go away to school.
Alone...always alone, no one knows what I go through on a daily basis because they don't care. I am seeing now that they all either live on a cloud or in denial. I am left to deal with the reality of me. I hate it...
This will make it two summer breaks in a row that really suck!
I have another long day tomorrow!
goodnight

 

hey man, i know exactly how you feel. i have thoughts that swirl through my head like a tornado only to have someone ask "what are you thinking?" talk about driving me nuts. i'm not sure myself what i'm thinking about let alone being willing to explain it to someone else. i know about feeling alone and not having any friends to confide in. ever since my family found out about 4 weeks ago that i was going into therapy to deal with my abuse as a child i've been isolated. no one calls to see how i'm doing. it's like they are too self obsorbed in themselves. it's like they don't care. i wish i could say something wise and knowledgable right now but i can't. this is too individualized for anyone else to truly understand you. you need to do that for yourself. it does however help to know that you are not alone. there are thousands of us out there trying to live life like we were meant to had we not had to deal with being abused as children. we were robbed of our innoscence, virginity, sense of self and our childhoods. i wrestle with my thoughts on a daily basis just trying to make sense of me. i know that one day i'll succeed, but with success comes a lot of hard work and determination. i know that i'm worth the effort. no excuses, no regrets. just want you to know that i appreciate what you're going through and i'm thinking of you.
good luck man, your worth the struggle.

 

hey man, i know exactly how you feel. i have thoughts that swirl through my head like a tornado only to have someone ask "what are you thinking?" talk about driving me nuts. i'm not sure myself what i'm thinking about let alone being willing to explain it to someone else. i know about feeling alone and not having any friends to confide in. ever since my family found out about 4 weeks ago that i was going into therapy to deal with my abuse as a child i've been isolated. no one calls to see how i'm doing. it's like they are too self obsorbed in themselves. it's like they don't care. i wish i could say something wise and knowledgable right now but i can't. this is too individualized for anyone else to truly understand you. you need to do that for yourself. it does however help to know that you are not alone. there are thousands of us out there trying to live life like we were meant to had we not had to deal with being abused as children. we were robbed of our innoscence, virginity, sense of self and our childhoods. i wrestle with my thoughts on a daily basis just trying to make sense of me. i know that one day i'll succeed, but with success comes a lot of hard work and determination. i know that i'm worth the effort. no excuses, no regrets. just want you to know that i appreciate what you're going through and i'm thinking of you.
good luck man, your worth the struggle.