Going back

[Oz]

In 2 and a bit weeks I'll be heading to Schoolies, a big beach party all around Aust. I've said this in another post but the place where me and my friends are going is the place where I was assualted. I don't know why but I'm really, REALLY scared to go there. I do want to go but just the thought of going there sends shivers up my spine and I feel real sad, like there's this big hole in my chest. So what I'm getting at is I'm not sure why this is still bugging me. Why I'm still affected by it. What it's going to take to get over it. I just don't know about any of it. It happened nearly 3 years ago so I just can't understand why it's still hurting me. I just want to get on with my life. It's going to be very hard to go back, and I will go to the place where it happened but I just need know how I should handle it or should be handling it. I'm scared that I'm going to break down like last time and then screw up my friend's holidays, again. God even thinking about it now just makes me want to call up my friends and tell them I'm not going, but that'd make a coward of me.

 

[Ivo]

Oz you are not a coward.
This place is full of triggers for you, that is reason why you are feeling so scared. It is perfectly normal reaction after traumatic experience. In my case place where everything had happened is still producing some unwanted memories twenty years later but they are now not so strong and I do not have problems to handle them. I do not know, you should try to relax if possible and try to enjoy your time with your friends. Do not be too much concerned in case of possible breakdown. Try to face this fear and accept it, do not try to push it on back corners of your mind.

I do not know circumstances on which 3 years ago event happened but maybe it would help you if you are able to speak with some of your friends about it in case that they already know something about it. At least good thing is that you are sharing your thoughts with us.

I wish you a luck and great time with your friends, you deserved it.
Ivo

 

[Mike Church]

Oz. Look at it this way ok.

It happened and that cannot change. But it is just a place, nothing more. Yes it evokes memories and it will invoke anger and fear. But the fear can be let go. THere is no a snowballs' chance in hell it will happen again. I really hope that you will find it to be just another piece of real estate. Impersonal and available to people. It is much the same as a strip of road where there has been a fatal accident. It is just a place. But it is also a place where you can totally forgive yourself for partly blaming yourself.

I am going back to the college where I was molested and I hope to get rid of my anger there.

Good Luck and be gentle with yourself ok.

 

[RICK57]

Oz - only this year (after 35 years) I have been back to the places that I was abused. I posted here 'one step back , 2 steps forward' - last comment probably about 6 weeks ago.

It's one of the best things that I ever did - it's given me the strength to move on. The places are now overgrown by nature & are really somewhere quite beatiful - it's not the places, it was the perp that made them bad. I went through all sorts of thought processes after each visit, but have now gained so much strength that I have actually reported 'my' perp after all this time.

Do your friends know? They may be able to help you with this.

Best wishes ...Rik

 

[reality2k4]

OZ,

take these guys advice and face it now. Facing it head on, is sometimes the best way.

I pass along a canal towpath on my way home from work and I can see the place where my abuse took place, the park is raised, so I can see it from the towpath.

I vow to go back there in 2005 about the time it happened in mid summer.

Don't get hurt in the forum, take care of "you".
Don't be hurt from reading other stories of abuse.
Don't get angry about reading another persons' lot, just focus on your own recovery.

Calm over anger is a good way to go, it is not always easy, but I hope you can make it through going to that place,

take care,

ste