Phoster says it well IMO. What I could add is that I did not do any digging. Memories would haunt me and I would talk about them to a fellow survivor. Then, I would talk about them to my therapist. She did not do a whole lot of digging either. We talked about things that happened and more and more I came to see connections between what had happened to me and the multiple effects the SA had on me. The more I talked to the Therapist, the better I felt--but we are talking about a long period here. I had good days occasionally, but many more bad days, for years. BUT, I need to tell you that I was in therapy for years for anxiety and depression and never talked about the SA because I wanted it to be impotent in my life. Of course, it was anything but impotent.
Now, I have more good than bad days. I get a lot of peace and encouragement from reading the posts and replies here. But I am also in a MS group therapy that meets weekly, so I feel the support of those men and the therapist there.
Recovery seems to be multifaceted. Education is a part, trusting someone enough to reveal the SA to them is a part, doing the breaking of the silence, therapy, MS, emails from special friends and an incredible amount of patience is what has worked for me--but understand that the patience is intermittent, and I can get impatient yet. Another good thing a dear friend told me recently was that a certain amount of self-pity is just a matter of taking care of ourselves. I think he is correct there, and so allowing myself to grieve and mourn is ok for a short time. It is really good to have a buddy who can tell you when the pity party has gone on long enough. That really can be energizing to make me move on.
Another friend says that what helps him in the work at recovery is to spite the fools that harmed him and felt he would do nothing about it. Good idea too.
Peace to you.
Bob
