giving up triggers

giving up triggers
C

crisispoint

Registrant
Someone I care for has basically told me to go screw myself. Thought he cared for me but he says hurtful things and says just kidding. liike thats supposed to make it better or not count.

lifes been on a tailspin lately and thought I was better, thought I had a reason to be better, and I get kicked inthe teeth. people think I'm strong, well, i'm not that strong and I've reached the end of my rope.

can't take care of myself how the hell can I take care of someone else? well, screw it its not worth it anymore. I'm not a hero, i sure as hell am not a leader. i;ve had enough.

see if i can get through a couple of things i promised people and then i'm gone.

guys i'm sorry, i'm not that strong. i can;t handle it anymore.

Scot
 
Scot,

Some of our brother therapists live up your way. If anyone would understand in what holes we find ourselves, they would.
Really, if you haven't contacted Ken Singer to ask for his help in finding someone who would be a good "spirit guide" for you, then, please do, to give yourself the widest possibility for making it up this unbelieveably steep mountain that we are climbing. You're right, the air up here can be less than we expected, our heads get a little light, our vision fades some. But, Scot, that's why we need a skilled climber/guide to give ourselves the best possible chance of making it. I didn't settle for less...ya, it took me nearly my entire life to find someone who will help me over the overhangs...I hate those effin' things, those are the ones where you're hanging on by your fingertips.
You have touched so deeply into my soul with your poetry, don't stop now.
At times, we think that we haven't made a difference to ourselves or others with this recovery stuff...I can tell you, Scotd, you've made a positive difference in my life. Have I thanked you for that? Well, it's long overdue, Thank You.

David
 
scot,
i recall a few times when i was at the end of my own rope. i attempted it once that i remember as a child, once almost three years ago because of the loss of my identity, and four seperate times in the past nine months due to my acting out and the recall of the worst of the abuse. the past nine months have been hell that i cannot describe, but you and others here understand it. that is one of the biggest reasons for this brotherhood, scot. when we can't take it anymore we reach out here to find if not solace, then at least another "me to" voice that shares what they went through. when we don't have the strength, a brother does. i am here, scot & little bro. pm me with whatever ranting or screaming or crying you need to do, because you are not alone.
 
Thanks to everyone, brothers and sisters, who responded either here or thru PM.

I'm still not so good, but I'm better than I was. I have therapy tonight, which will help further.

I'll be back in touch. again, thanks.

peace and love,

Scot
 
Scot,

I've had people that I respected tell me to 'just get over it' or say 'it wasn't that bad, you weren't physically hurt'. I don't respect them much any more, they didn't listen, they didn't comprehend what I was saying, they didn't understand. Try not to let one persons judgement of you de-rail your healing process. You have helped me, you have helped others here, you can make it through this too. We'll be here with you to help you any way we can.

Steve
 
Scot,

that 'friend', that is not someone good for you. You deserve so much better then that. You are worth much better than what you have gotten in life, and need to continue to live to find that. please be good to yourself, please be safe with yourself. You may not think you are any number of things, but to me you are a hero, you are a leader, you are a wonderful and remarkable man. I can not tell you at all what to do, of course. But I will tell you that I care a great deal for you, and would be very upset if anything were to happen to you. Please be good to my friend Scot.

leosha
 
Scot,
can't take care of myself how the hell can I take care of someone else?
Click to expand...
It's not your job to take care of anyone else. Please don't go down that road.

You can take care of yourself. You, Little Scot, your friends, the kind men and women here, working together can take care of yourself. Not that we can take care of you, but we can be here for support. We can share our successes and even our failures so that you might get something from our experience.

That offer of sharing stands. None of us can take care of anyone else. (For myself, I don't want anyone to take anything.) What we can do is offer support. We're doing that now.

On a completely unrelated note (I'm actually quite good at that, completely unrelated notes, that is. You should [not] hear me sing!), my T is from Boston and is a big sports fan. She seemed happy with the results of the Yankee series. It may be silly, but would you really want to 'check out' when this just might finally be The Year?

Thanks,

Joe
 
Scot,
Im sorry this "freind" has hurt you. Please remember you are working on building new friendships here. We care about you.

James
 
Scot,

Yikes, it really s**ks when that happens. That is but one person. Many others really care about you, don't forget about them. That still hurts, I hope amends may be made.

When in a life's tailspin it is easier to notice the kicks in the teeth than the wind that is still beneath your wings. Your still strong, the plane is still flying and has plenty of lift left in the wings.

You can't help those that won't help themselves. And those that help themselves only need support. You provide support. You are a leader in compassion. You have a lifetime ahead of you and you have chosen to make it good for you, which makes it better for those that care about you and those you touch the lives of.

Take care,
Bill
 
I'm still here.

I don't know how, but I'm still here.

I'm still not so hot, but i'll make it.

Thank you to everyone who kept me going yesterday.

I'm not giving up on myself, so no one else better give up.

Thank you all.

Peace and love,

Scot
 
Scot,

there are two friends who both had terrible, horrible days yesterday. I am greatful you both made it through.

leosha
 
Scot,

I'm glad you're still here. People sometimes say cruel things trying to be funny, not realizing the triggers that it has for others.

I think Cher said it best "Words are like weapons, they wound sometimes".

Proud of you, bro!

Marc
 
Scot
It took me over 25 years to disclose to my wife, and about a week later I also disclosed to my friend, who I'd also known about the length of time.
He went through the divorce from hell at the same time as I was in bits with my past and having therapy. We made a sorry pair some days I promise you !

Last week we nearly came to blows again, and we both said some terrible stuff to each other - again.
And once said this shit can't be taken back can it ?
But although we said things in anger and haste they were things we would have said to each other ( in a very different way ) to help each other.
It would have been better if I had said "but Pete, you can be stubborn sometimes" instead of calling him a "fucking pig headed dumb bastard"
Both are true, one just sounds better.
We've made friends again, and we don't hold grudges which is so important. We NEVER drag up the last fight and round of insults.

We do fall out with people, non Survivors fall out with people, we get irritable and on bad days we can get downright nasty. Perhaps it was his day to have a 'bad one ?'
Don't abandon friends too easily, they mean a lot - even more when they're gone.
And it's a good, decent man who makes the move to repair a friendship.

Dave
 
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