Girlfriend breaking up with me...

Girlfriend breaking up with me...
S

survive75

Registrant
Not doing well with this at all. Feeling suicidal... wanting to self-destruct. I talked to my therapist today (have an appt. tomorrow) and she reassured me that I just am used to falling back on those thoughts when times get tough.

This is very tough for me, because I don't inherently think it is a bad thing to break up. But I am very angry with her for the timing. And for allowing myself to be in an unhappy relationship with her because she has been very insecure and I was afraid to hurt her.

Now, she says she loves me and can't imagine being without me, but that she isn't sure she wants to be in a relationship. Then she calls me at work to tell me she loves me and trying to make reparations ("I can make dinner when you get home") because now she feels guilty for bringing this up?

There are a lot of details that I won't bother going into. I guess I'm just having a tough week, and this added to it is making it even worse.

Thanks for listening.

-Sean
 
Sean, I know how you're feeling right now. Nick and I split up as well, but for a little different reason, as it was my choice. Nick wanted to talk things out, work things out, but I'm just not ready for some of it and I don't think it's fair for Nick to have to carry my load. Nick is the best thing that ever happened to me and I don't want Nick to just become an old flame I fucked up because of my shit.

Any idea on how to make time go by so we don't feel like this? To make time go by until we get to a point where we can see the headway that was made? I sleep. I sleep and sleep and sleep. Eventually time passes, but it's not necessarily a good thing because then I've missed the boat, I'm swimming on my own without a lifejacket, and I'll have lost the chance to buy my own ticket and make the journey properly.

God, I don't even think I'm making sense anymore. :eek: Oh well. Back to bed. :rolleyes:

~Yves
 
yves and sean,
i wish i had something to say that would help. i traveled that road for two years and it was devastating. i did come out of it, though, and i have lady theo at my side now who is the best thing that ever happened to me. the details were different for me. she was my wife of seven years and i loved her deeply, or so i thought. even thoughit was not real love like lady theo and i have, it was still real to me and it was my life at the time. i was passively suicidal the entire two years i ws coping with what my former wife did, but the point is that i did finally come out of it. the details are different, but a loss is still a loss. it does get better, guys, i promise.
 
Sean,

I was going to say 'sorry for your breakup with your g/f', but from your post it sounds like it was something that you saw coming and something that you thought wasn't such a bad idea. With those two things, the breakup was probably for the better.

It s**ks that it comes at a bad time, but is there such thing as a good time to brekup? A good time is when you see that the relationship is bad for you (or her) and then you get out no matter where you are at with regards to other matters you have at hand. Otherwise it isn't a relationship, it is a crutch or anchor, depending on the reason for staying. We can always find a 'reason' we should stay just for a little bit longer, but that doesn't change the real situation.

I am sorry that you are going through this rough spot without her. But you are not going through it alone. We are here. I am her.

Feel free to give me a PM, take care,
Bill
 
Yves,

I am sorry to here about you and Nick breaking up. I'm sorry that you didn't feel comfortable enough with him to share your thoughts and feelings with him. Your right it is not right for Nick to carry the load, nor is it fair that you carry the load. There is a neat thing called 'sharing the load'. Sharing your feelings and thoughts, a.k.a. talking. There is something even neater, when you let a lot of those feelings and thoughts out, they don't need to be carried by either. Talking doesn't f-up a relationship, not talking does.

How to make time go by? Get up and do something, anything that you enjoy. Move around, get the blood pumping through your body. It is never too late to start, at the same time it isn't something that you can put off until 'tomorrow'. How many tomorrows have come and gone. I have wasted a plenty of todays waiting for the right tomorrow to do something.

And you do make perfect since. It is easier to hide and do nothing than it is to open yourself up and take a chance.

Take care my friend, give me a hollar,
Bill
 
Sean,

I am sorry that you are maybe breaking up, and that she is making it difficult for you to even know what to think. I hope that things go better for you, and you will be better soon. Please try to keep yourself safe, you deserve better.

Leosha
 
Sean,

It sounds like maybe the two of you are each confused about what the relationship has meant, and what you will mean to each other in the future. I bet it is painful to have to sort this out, especially now. I know that I have a lot of trouble with the work I'm doing and the work my wife and I are doing together.

I don't know how this will play out, but I'm glad that this site is here. I know that you deserve to have guys who'll listen when you need to vent. The old thought patterns can come back so easily, but that doesn't make them any more correct than they ever were.

Somehow, something good will eventually come out of this, as you each get to know yourselves better.


Yves,

It sounds like you and Nick will continue to have some relationship in the future. I hope that the two of you can reach a point that is comfortable for both of you. It can be so hard to build something different after a romantic relationship that a lot of people don't really try. You say that Nick is the best thing that ever happened to you, so I hope that your relationship will continue and will give each of you some of what you need.

Thanks,

Joe
 
Sean, Yves, et.al.,

Hoo boy!

I'm sorry that these breakups have been incredibly badly timed. You're all going through a great emotional struggle, and it's not easy under the best of circumstances. This is harder, but I'm not telling you anything brilliant am I? :eek:

But, and I float this as a hypothetical, what if it was meant to be? Sean, you may have seen it coming, and I really can't gather from you, Yves, but while the timing could've been more fortuitous, it's probably going to be okay.

I learned a while back that it's oftentimes better to be alone than with someone who isn't right for you. I've craved relationships, and as a result, been stuck in pretty bad ones. Now, I think I'm happier by myself, at least until I can work out my issues (I have ISSUES?!?! :D ).

But I am sorry you guys are hurting, and I know it will get easier with time. Like everything else here (and it sucks, actually!), you just have to be patient with yourself.

I'm here if you all need me.

Peace and love,

Scot
 
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