GF financially abused me.

[Adam Murph]

Hey guys!
I am not someone who is too comfortable with ladies and I had doubts about myself and I will ever find a good companion. I thought I was lucky when I found her. She was beautiful and was willing to accept by character.
It was only after a couple of months, I realized her true face. She started bossing me around and emotionally abuse me. She insults me in friend of her friends and won't consider me an equal. She even took all of my credit cards and only give when I need it so badly and request her. I was scared to move away from her as I may never find another person to share my life with.
recently, I realized that she have used all of my credit cards for lots of shopping activities and never bothered to tell me. When I tried to discuss it with her, she tells me it's all my fault. She ruthlessly left me and it broke me although in some way I was happy. I am worried I may never find someone else, but to make it worse, I am faced with a huge debt payment for paying my credit card debts.
I may need to get help from some debt consolidation firms to deal with this debt or I may not be able to pay it back. This is a lesson I have learned when I chose wrong person to share my life. I hope I'll never repeat such mistakes in my like again.

 

[Ceremony]

...I am not someone who is too comfortable with ladies and I had doubts about myself and I will ever find a good companion.

...

I was scared to move away from her as I may never find another person to share my life with.

...

I may need to get help from some debt consolidation firms to deal with this debt or I may not be able to pay it back. This is a lesson I have learned when I chose wrong person to share my life. I hope I'll never repeat such mistakes in my like again.

Welcome Adam Murph, I consolidated your intro to look at it like that. I know your post is your truth, and I acknowledge the courage it takes to step up with it. Many understand their vulnerability, and do find a voice, and many do not. You're here to explore the betrayal/s and your possibilities. I can see that.

I wonder what I might have done to start looking at abusive people in my life at an earlier stage of my life ... a pondering of the "what if" that is usually dropped as fast as it's pondered.

Well, that partner turned out to be far less than expectations! I'm sorry for your losses. To me, the symptoms of my traumas led me to understand that my traumas are the cause of those symptoms. My brain rewired to have far fewer connections to process thinking and my state of coherency, logic, stable emotions, etc... have all been deeply affected. My memory too stirs anger in me, that I have so much trouble with things I've learned and names, things related to making myself successful in life. Yet, in the few months I've learned about this rewiring and I'm 55, it's revelation has given me some focus to healing.

To me, look to the healing, where is it, what is it. I have researched a lot of things, and thought I had some direction, but I still find new things and am floored by the possibilities. I have written a lot about EMDR, and something from just this Monday called Sensorimotor Psychotherapy. EMDR seems widely used here, but I've yet to have any response about others experience with S.P.. It is what it is.

Feedback is good, we can learn, and we can know others see us. I'm getting to a new point in my life soon. I'll be going back to work. I've been very prolific on the Forums, and would remain so, but for the absolute, that work is a need and priority. I wonder what it will be like if I get a good job? Well, I drift off to an aside and oops, what was I saying?

Okay, so companions are so very important. Being with someone, affection, support, intimacy if were at that point and so on... I can recall my early 20's when I finally made a friend. One, and she was a very nice person. I didn't know she had expectations until later, but she was moving anyway, so it didn't matter I was clueless about cues. Soon, I had a chance to meet other people at a Bible study, and someone needed help learning to drive. It was their chance at expanding their chances to vacation outside the area. And he had a girlfriend to take out. So, his girlfriend made lunch for us once, and her roommate attended that Bible study too. I liked her, and it turned out, she seemed to like me.

Alas, a very long story, and I'm unhappily married to her now for 32 years and have known her for 35+ years. A very complicated situation. Pregnancy was involved when I was 23, so, that had a lot to do with it, and at the time, we showed love and acted supportive. But, when things go wrong, she goes haywire and gets vicious. I was caught off guard then and to this day, haven't seen much change in her. Her methods of being an asshole have somewhat evolved, they're more demeaning and derisive than ever. SO, what's this got to do with you?

It's to let you know, you're not alone where seeming to make a choice to be with a partner seems fine in the beginning, but ends poorly. Mine has dragged out like a marathon, yours seems over quickly. And a good lesson, with not good results. I'm sorry and my heart goes out to you.

I don't think anyone goes into a relationship expecting their new partner will be a overbearing, controlling, narcissist! I sure as hell didn't, and you description relays the same expectations. Why I see you were trusting and let her be bad to you, that's a symptom in my mind, because that's what they are for me. So, what's given rise to yours? Letting someone abuse us like your partner did, can show some event precipitated a change in you. An accident at an early age, somethings witnessed or imposed upon you without you knowing them to impact you at the time? There's a lot we don't see about ourselves, until something pulls it out of us? And then, are we ready, and do we have support to look at it without falling apart too far? We need something to help us/me. So, I hope your explorations are fruitful and useful to you.

Best wishes.

 

[betrayed boy]

murph, call the police now not later you need to get this whole mess on paper in a police report, dont feel sorry for her make her pay the cards off NOT you let the court system do it's job ibet she will agree to pay what she charged in a plea ddeal so she dont go to prison, what have you got to lose ?, report it to your credit cad companys she stole from you why should you have to pay it back while she gets off scott free ?,