Getting through, getting along.
Well, this one is long overdue. Since we're all family here, I guess I can lay myself a little bare.
I got some advice from The Donald, that I'd like to share with you. No, no, not that one, Donald Mann, my therapist.
Ranata and I have been having a bumping and grinding kind of reaction to all of this stuff called, therapy and recovery.
I've been seeing Donald for just over a year now, in private sessions, and in his men's therapy group, since April. I've attended the conference in Minneapolis in September of last year and I went to the retreats at Pilgrim Firs and Alta. Oh, ya, stick my first board meeting in there, too, as well, that met in Denver of September of this year. I mention that because it was an exerecise in patience, because of the hour long, snake of a security check-in line.
Anyway, suffice it to say, that all of this activity has kicked a lot of debri loose, some of it hitting Ranata right in the gut.
What can I say about her? This is a gal that has stuck by me through all of these years of angst and storm. The angst for the knots I've put into her stomach and the storm for all of the ranting and raving that I've done over the smallest of issues.
Well, after she had to take some time out from me for several nights in a local motel, and packing a bag for me to take my shit, elsewhere...not her word, mine...she's far too classy to use language like that...I finally got the word from the Donald to cool it and to practice what they do when a storm hits at sea. Donald said that we should find some way to commit or not to commit to one another. And if we can still commit to one another...that is to say, that we want to be with one another when this finally resolves some way or another, that we should batten down our hatches, so as not to take on any unnecessary water that could sink us, and that we should bring in our sails and ride the storm out.
Now to try and describe what he went on to say. The battening down of hatches might have more meaning and was probably directed at me, to keep my mouth shut and not react so violently to Ranata's suggestions. That is, he continued, you don't have to respond if something upsets you, but you should have the right and space to remove yourself from the situation and take some time away, into my cave...a room, sometimes referred to as the middle bedroom where I have my desk and computer.
She should also have space where she can retreat or get away from me if she feels the need. But each day if we can, we reconfirm our dedication to one another in the overall picture, even if we are somewhat distant from one another.
Ranata and I do walk and our three mile circuit is enough to get some of the juices flowing that allow us to feel that we are getting good outdoor time and refreshment.
I have been a beast to her at times, when I'm really quite a nice guy most of the time. I guess I haven't realized how fragile and quick fused I am and I have to realize that I've come fairly close to ruining our lives together.
What am I saying here and why all of the personal stuff?
I guess my hope for all of us is that we can find some way to affirm one another collectively, and to dedicate ourselves to one another as couples and families and yet to allow ourselves the space that we need to get the necessary work done that we need to.
You people, this site, is so important...Donald refers to us as, sacred, and to the work that we do as, holy.
Now, how the hell can we live up to that. If I'm sacred, then my spouse and family are also sacred. And if the work that I do seeking recovery is holy, then the work that my spouse and family does is holy, too.
Knowing and understanding that, how can I denigrate or demean the others in my life.
Whatever your religious affiliation or not, pray or think good thoughts that we all can find our courses through these churning waters of emotions and turmoil and that we can ride out our storms and find our ports of call.
Blessings to us all as we head into this holiday season,
David
I got some advice from The Donald, that I'd like to share with you. No, no, not that one, Donald Mann, my therapist.
Ranata and I have been having a bumping and grinding kind of reaction to all of this stuff called, therapy and recovery.
I've been seeing Donald for just over a year now, in private sessions, and in his men's therapy group, since April. I've attended the conference in Minneapolis in September of last year and I went to the retreats at Pilgrim Firs and Alta. Oh, ya, stick my first board meeting in there, too, as well, that met in Denver of September of this year. I mention that because it was an exerecise in patience, because of the hour long, snake of a security check-in line.
Anyway, suffice it to say, that all of this activity has kicked a lot of debri loose, some of it hitting Ranata right in the gut.
What can I say about her? This is a gal that has stuck by me through all of these years of angst and storm. The angst for the knots I've put into her stomach and the storm for all of the ranting and raving that I've done over the smallest of issues.
Well, after she had to take some time out from me for several nights in a local motel, and packing a bag for me to take my shit, elsewhere...not her word, mine...she's far too classy to use language like that...I finally got the word from the Donald to cool it and to practice what they do when a storm hits at sea. Donald said that we should find some way to commit or not to commit to one another. And if we can still commit to one another...that is to say, that we want to be with one another when this finally resolves some way or another, that we should batten down our hatches, so as not to take on any unnecessary water that could sink us, and that we should bring in our sails and ride the storm out.
Now to try and describe what he went on to say. The battening down of hatches might have more meaning and was probably directed at me, to keep my mouth shut and not react so violently to Ranata's suggestions. That is, he continued, you don't have to respond if something upsets you, but you should have the right and space to remove yourself from the situation and take some time away, into my cave...a room, sometimes referred to as the middle bedroom where I have my desk and computer.
She should also have space where she can retreat or get away from me if she feels the need. But each day if we can, we reconfirm our dedication to one another in the overall picture, even if we are somewhat distant from one another.
Ranata and I do walk and our three mile circuit is enough to get some of the juices flowing that allow us to feel that we are getting good outdoor time and refreshment.
I have been a beast to her at times, when I'm really quite a nice guy most of the time. I guess I haven't realized how fragile and quick fused I am and I have to realize that I've come fairly close to ruining our lives together.
What am I saying here and why all of the personal stuff?
I guess my hope for all of us is that we can find some way to affirm one another collectively, and to dedicate ourselves to one another as couples and families and yet to allow ourselves the space that we need to get the necessary work done that we need to.
You people, this site, is so important...Donald refers to us as, sacred, and to the work that we do as, holy.
Now, how the hell can we live up to that. If I'm sacred, then my spouse and family are also sacred. And if the work that I do seeking recovery is holy, then the work that my spouse and family does is holy, too.
Knowing and understanding that, how can I denigrate or demean the others in my life.
Whatever your religious affiliation or not, pray or think good thoughts that we all can find our courses through these churning waters of emotions and turmoil and that we can ride out our storms and find our ports of call.
Blessings to us all as we head into this holiday season,
David
just wanted you to know I'm with you.
or if the storm will ever go away. I have good and bad days myself....but I love my hubby dearly and want to see him through this. Thank you for the post