getting therapy, good news

getting therapy, good news
D

delta.tetra

Registrant
Some months ago I wrote I had a chance to get into a group therapy. But first I had to go for 6 weeks 'observation' staying at psychiatric hospital unit. Well the 6 weeks were very hard but also very good for me. I had no contact with people for 3 years and thought I would be alone for the rest of my life but now I feel a bit better. Anyway the good news is, I have been invited to go into the 'men sexually abused as boys' therapy group, in the new year. I am happy to have got through all the tests etc and get accepted for this therapy. Peaceful christmas and new year wishes to you all.
 
Good for you. I'm about to see a therapist myself. I don't have a choice if I want to get my life together.
 
I'm pleased, Delta. I was involved in group therapy for some time and found it very beneficial. It was a bit scarey the first couple of sessions but I soon found out I had nothing to be afraid of.

I'll be wishing you good things as you begin this new part of your life.

Lots of love,

John
 
Delta,

I remember your earlier posts and am glad that all worked out so well for you. And now you are headed into group therapy? Well done. It's great to see you making progress. You sound like you are doing well.

Much love,
Larry
 
17 April, 2005 when I joined this forum I had found it the previous day. I was in a big mess at the time. I had been getting attention from a psychiatrist for some years but making no progress just drifting. I'd been diagnosed with PTSD and clinical depression and undefined personality disorders.

It was when my sister came to visit that i had first contact with people after I recovered the meemory of abuse. I could see how fucked up i was, and didn't feel like i could tolerate that.

So I went to search the internet again to see what was there in the way of support for me, and found this place. Here I read stories of guys who had suffered just as i have, and who KNOW they are getting a better life after following therapy and working hard on their issues, and I got some hope for myself.

I thought Perhaps I could have a better life than I am used to if I got different help. So I told my psychiatrist to check again if there was help for someone like me. After a few dead ends and a lot of preparation time I have now been accepted for the only specific therapy for male CSA survivors in this area.

2nd week of the new year I will meet the group for the first time. I already met the therapists. The therapy uses Movement and interaction, sometimes called Dance therapy, or psycho-motor therapy, as well as talking a lot.

During the six weeks I was under Observation I had taken part in some 'therapy' sessions. Not therapy, because therapy is directed at the personal issues of the patients being treated, and what we got was a more general introduction to the idea and way of working. Incredicble powerful stuff.

I learned about trust. In one exercise we stood spread about the room, standing in a plastic hoop laid flat on the floor. Inside the circle was your safe space. In the excersise you had to invite someone to walk towards your circle of saftey, and tell the STOP! when they got close and your body reacted to say close enough. We all noticed that our bodies reacted before we dared say Stop. Not saying Stop soon enough seemed like not taking good care of oneself.

Another one, about trust, we had to lean, and be supported, and lean some more, and say Stop when it became unsafe. I was surprised that some people could not lean against the support I offered. They could not trust me. When it was my turn to lean I leaned so far it was unsafe, and a strange thing happened.

I knew it was time to say stop, I had a thought like, oh whatever its only me, then I looked at the floor and saw that I would not hurt myself if she did drop me, and then my thoughts went quite literally out of the window (which was right in front of me) and I watched the cars go past on the rainy road, before comeing back inside with a rush and yelling STOP!

All the days before this session a problem had raged in my head about my not trusting people to keep their appointments. I was sure I didn't trust anybody at all, I'd been so screwed so many times. But the therapy showed me that I did trust people. Trust is practical, I did lean so far that she could have dropped me unsafely. That was me trusting her. When someone didn't lean an ounce of weight on me that was practically not trusting.

So I got a flashvision of a moment a few weeks before, I had been in the streets walking and on approaching a dark street corner i felt extreme agitation about the two men hanging about there. I was certain these men were there to seek a street robbery victim. Everything about how they had arrainged themselves told me that. I was walking into an ambush. I got a violent reaction in my body, and agonising cramp in my chest. I thought in my head "I don't trust them!" When I got close enough to be mugged they could see i was sick and poor and they spoke to each other and perhaps agreed to leave me alone. I was well shaken!

When I remebered that incident i realise one Truth, I actually HAD trusted those could-be muggers. By walking so close to them that they could have got hold of me and threatened me with weapons and words and robbed me, I was trusting them. Trusting them NOT to victimise me. "I don't trust them!" might have been my words about my true emotional reaction, but it wasn't what i physically did. If I had listened to my first reaction I would have turned right around and gone another way, which would have been very easy to do. (That was my initial idea when I believed I was looking at a wrecking crew in the distance).

To keep safe I 'thought' I must stay alert, on my guard and ready to absorb an attack, mentally stressed and super-alert, expecting the worst. I reckoned, I wasn't carrying much of value so a robbery would not be expensive, it would just be streessful and inconvenient to be attacked. To keep 'safe' I set myself up to be a victim. While actually for true safety I should simply have walked down another street.

So I learned that 'trusting' is a practical thing a person does, not an airy fairy idea in your head.

Seemed pretty basic but very eyeopening. The therapist who I already worked with in the 6 weeks is working with the therapy group. She is very good at her work i think. So I do feel good to be accepted for more of this kind of thing. I do need a lot of help, for some pretty basic things I missed in childhood.

But I don't think i would be going forward to my first thereapy now if it wasn't for this place and the men who come here and tell the truth about themselves and share hope.
 
Delta,

Thanks for all these details. I especially liked your insights on trust and learned a lot from them.

Again, you sound good and I wish you all the best in therapy.

Much love,
Larry
 
Delta - it is when I read posts like this that I feel real hope for everyone here. Good work and stay strong...it's a new year shortly, make it a good one!

Best wishes...Rik
 
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