Getting taken advantage of

Getting taken advantage of
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onlyakid

I was thinking about work and a few questions popped into my mind.

1. Do survivors tend to think that they are being taken advantage of more then they are?

2. Do survivors actually get taken advantage of more than the average person?

Jason
 
I think the answer is yes to both questions.
 
Jason,

1. In my case, yes, most definitely, until a few months ago. At least I was suspicious of that. Any time someone was gratuitously nice to me my defenses would immediately be at full alert. And only if the other person was a man.

2. Don't know, but if so it probably has nothing to do with being a survivor. My wife thinks I am naive and once suggested that in order to trick me a person would need to be only slightly more insidious than Santa. I think it was a joke....

Larry
 
I get told many times by friends that I am easily taken advantage of...especially by my wife now that I'm separated. In general, I think it's because I desperately want to be liked. I never want to be the bad guy in any situation. Interestingly, my wife suddenly thinks I'm being manipulative when I'm nice. How does a guy win in a situation like that!?

tx_space
 
In my case, the defensive wall was always there, ever vigilant of anyone who might, just might be trying to take advantage of me. I know that in the early years of my marriage, I had such inexplicably angry reactions to my wife, times when I my reaction was way stronger than would be expected based on the argument. I would be furious, very out of character for me. In looking back, my T and I realized that these were situations where I felt taken advantage of or out of control. I still remember my wife, very calmly in the midst of a heated argument, asking me where all this anger came from. I could not know until the SA trauma came to light that this was what was fueling my anger.
 
I constantly think people are trying to take advantage of me and my guard goes up whenever someone is nice to me, genuine or not. Plus I know how it feels to always want to be liked and to impress. Sometimes I swear people can smell my weakness. I'm not certain if it's because I'm a survivor or not though.
 
I often feel taken advantage of. It's not that hard to do. The difficulty for me to say no is always there, I am getting a little better. Its hard to tell if I am normally a giving person or if what happened to me has a large part in that. I do know that some of that has to do with not getting self esteem from my parents at a young age. It's hard for me to know what to say when no is not enough. I come off as a hard head when I say no and find it hard to explain why not.
 
Well, I don't know. Maybe I'm the exception. At age 10 I put a stop to the abuse. I'd gotten sick of the same perverted games and just said NO MORE. He complained a little bit and left me alone.

A year later another person tried touching me and I lit into him like a little Mohammad Ali.

Fast forward to my adult life and I have no trouble spotting someone trying to take advantage of me. I probably am too paranoid and see things that aren't there and accuse people of having ulterior motives when they are just being nice. And if they won't take my NO for an answer I get angry with them. Sometimes I get angry with them 1st and skip the step of saying no.

I embarrass my wife and she is gradually teaching me to be more tactful.

I guess bottom line was that something snapped in me at an early age and I just determined that NO ONE was ever going to take advantage of me again and I have spent years overcompensating.

So I guess the answer to question 1 is probably yes, I tend to think I am getting taken advantage of. The answer to question 2 for me is probably no, I'm usually pretty quick to stop it before it starts.

Courage,

John
 
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