getting stuck

getting stuck
B

Brayton

Registrant
I think I am at the point in my "recovery" where I can begin to imagine it really happening. This is extraordinary really. It seems natural right now but looking back I remember that I have not ever really thought in that way.

The reason I am writing is because as I peek over the edge into that new way of thinking of myself and the world I get scared. Though this seems contradictory, its like a huge dark void.

I think it is the natural way to proceed but I feel that it goes against myself.

I guess this has something to do with the fact that being a victim has been the only way I have thought of myself from the beginning. Now, to imagine something very different is scary because I don't know anything about it.

Would I really opt to stay with something very painful and dysfunctional simply because it is familiar?

Is this where we can get stuck between "victim" and "survivor" and between "survivor" and what lies beyond it?
 
You know, these things, these similarities we experience are so profound, yet so simple. The answer is...There is only one way to find out. First you must continue on to find out whether or not being 'here' is better than being 'there'. Just the fact that you can see 'there' from 'here' is promising. For me, and I find myself in a very similar place these days, the concept stirs up emotions, exciting emotions. Scary, but the anticipation alone is enough to make me move forward.

Familiarity = Negativity, Pain and, ultimately, Boredom.

Let's move ahead together, not necassarily at the same pace, but keep moving forward. I've been handed the challenge...by my abusers, by my parents, by God (?), by myself and damned if I'll let ANY of them, including myself, get in the way. Can I count on seeing you 'there'?
 
Brayton I found when I was where you are that the walls of my self constructed prison, put up to protect me from others, were starting to develop some really big cracks and I had no mortar. I was terrified of the unknown but at the same time I was sick of just surviving.
 
Brayton,

Change usually is something people avoid, unless the cost of not changing exceeds the cost of changing.

My cycle of letting others abuse me ended when my body and mind were being destroyed (there is not a day that goes by that I do not feel the physical pain left behind). I began to end the cycle of self abuse when I lost the wife and about lost my son. Prices I wasn't about to pay.

There are roadblocks on our journey. Some are ones we go around, some are ones that we must step over. Some take a very large step to get over.

Here's to successful high-stepping,
Bill
 
What is the line? "Familiarity breeds contempt?"

I wonder why it can't apply to ourselves and our patterns?

Our beliefs that we are comfortable with about ourselves - we hold onto them like life preservers, especially when going into new recovery places.

I know for myself that as soon as I go to change a belief about myself or my abuse, I get really angry and resistant to it. I don't think this is abnormal really. We (especially as young children) learn to relate to the world by what we are taught and shown. It becomes tightly woven into our brain make-up.

Many of our beliefs, even if we create them for ourselves as we get older, are part of these early core beliefs and defense mechanisms.

But maybe the fact that these doubts are surfacing for you Brett, means that you are really ready to break through these old patterns.

We're all here for you... let us know what you find on the other side.

-Sean
 
Brett
Would I really opt to stay with something very painful and dysfunctional simply because it is familiar?
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It is soo easly to stay wilh soneone just because it's familiar.

Brett think about what will make you happy in the long run, I know life can be lonely at times but whats most important is to continue your healing. Let's talk Tom
 
Brett

Would I really opt to stay with something very painful and dysfunctional simply because it is familiar?
Click to expand...
That's a hell of a temptation, the fear of the unknown is mighty strong.

But others have gone before before us, and they seem ok out there.

Who said that famous phrase about "one small step for man........" ?

Dave ;)
 
Brayton -

have you ever watched a child that is learning to walk? I was that child again very recently - I was hanging on to all sorts of things to supposedly hold me up...they were just props.

A child will pull itself up on furniture, so that it is stood upright. The child doesn't quite have the balance to start with and clings on for dear life. Eventually the child realises that it is being encouraged to take those first steps and actually releases the props and takes that first step. The child may fall, but gets up again and keeps going until it can walk without support and with confidence.

I didn't cling to furniture, but I used alcohol (daily after work), external noise to drown out the noise in my head, hyperactivity so that I had less time to think.

I think that when we start down the road to recovery, we are like that child taking it's first steps... we are frightened but we must take those steps and learn to walk. We may fall like the child - if the child can walk, then we can also!

Be the survivor..take those steps no matter how much they hurt. Whatever the pain is that leads to recovery, it is better than the pain that holds us in the past.

Best wishes, be brave...Rik
 
Brayton - sorry., you may wonder if I'm walking...well I can just about jog these days (which is even better). December the 18th last year I could't even turn my head to lift it off the floor.

I let go (spoke and gave it a name).
Gained Support (Boss / Friends / Therapist).

Started to find 'ME' again.
Started to laugh again.
Started to live again.

Go for it please... YOU CAN DO IT....Rik.
 
brayton - i want to say something supportive to
you but i am in very much the same position right now - there are walls and walls that i am building up and they come down a little and go up more and more -
i think though you seem really strong - and really good at communicating - so i think you are
well on your way - by acknowledging and expressing this observation -
of being stuck - and unsure -
it kind of expresses a lot of what i cannot - so
kudos and
thanks - mark
 
I am glad you are starting to 'see the light' I believe we can get stuck in the old ways because it is familiar, for example, at times I hurt myself, for several reasons, and one is pain is familiar. I have been hurt so much pain has become familiar and nearly comforting, I believe that is why you are having a difficult time walking forward through your recovery, you have become used to where you are, and now that you are breaking through, it is scary, whether you conciously feel the fear or not. You just need to get through the old junk and further into the light.

I know since you posted this you found out about a break of trust, but still this applies, you can get out of the pain of the betrayel and into surviving again, this is just one more thing you have survived, and that proves you have strength inside. Good luck, and I hope you can walk into the light of recovering.

scott
 
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