getting mad

getting mad
T

Trevor

Registrant
i know i get mad alot and i say
and do stupid shit. but lots of times
getting like that savd my life.
back with my stepbrothr and stepfathr
if i didnt get mad and yell and
scream and fite and kick, punch, bite
watevr i could do, lotts of times
that stoppd them and lotts of times
it savd me from having to go thru
it again. mostly they would just give
up cuz it wasnt worth the fite at
the time. ya sometimes it made it much
worse for me but for the times it made
them stop it was good. so now i guess
i just get mad at the memorys of all that.
an im mostly am mad at myself an i wanna
start a fite with somebody. anybody. so
i can get hurt in some way. dont mattr if
its physicl or verbal or sex or watever.
i just wanna feel something.
so i wont keep sayin im sorry cuz ppl dont
like hearing that all the time but i
will say if i say or do stuff here thats
bad. its just not personal u know? i dont
wanna hurt anybody or make anybody feel bad
realy. i just lose control easy an i dont
mean anything real bad by it.
 
trevor,
a dear brother here once suggested somethig to me when i ws feeliing in that same kinnd of rage. we all know that the men we are now would never, ever consider harming another human being...but there needs to be a safe place and safe to vent this rage we feel at times. what he told me to consider doinng was to take a baseball bat (go for aluminum) and go to the woods, pick a nice big tree or better, a dead fall or stump, then beat the bejeezus out of it. with a secure grip on the bat, and your solitude, you can do all you want to that tree or stump and no one would ever be hurt, especially you. i know how that sounded to me when i first read it, but finding a way to safely vent the rage is vital. i am here if you need me, bro.
 
What every brother here needs is a shoulder to lean on. We're healing from terrible wounds. The way we've been treated makes us do things we wouldn't have normally done.

At the same time, I believe I'm responsible for what I do. If I give myself free reign to hurt other people just because of my past, where does that stop? That means my uncle and my dad and all the sick freaks in my family aren't responsible for what they did either.

We all have choice. The trick is to heal while being the strong shoulder for another of our brothers. To let the emotions behind the anger out. It's easy to find something to be angry about. Sometimes it takes a deeper look to find what makes us cry.
 
Hi trevor, i'm darrin, i just joined the other day. i was like that too, had bad outbursts of rage and would say and do things and be out of control. I hurt my family, my friends and had to come up with a lot of money to replace things that I destroyed. I just had to try and remember why I was so angry and who I should be angry at when I got like that. my counselor taught me things about breathing and how to focus so i can calm myself down before it gets out of control. i also joined a karate class and that made a big huge difference for me. i hope you can feel better soon.
 
Trevor I have big out bursts of anger. My last one saw me put my fist through several car windows, get arrested for criminal damage and having to pay 1200 damages. Also had 11 stiches in my hand and now have lots of ugly scars.

I wish I could have vented my anger in a place like this so I didn't do what I did. Also talking to my T has helped to calm me down alot.

I think its healthy to let it out here as long as your not being out of order to the people here who really do care and want to help you, which I don't believe you are.

Take care

Craig
 
i think everyone here understands anger, and i think we all try to give someone the room they need to vent and express. i have to go, but i hope you are still coming here when i check back in teh morning. this is a good place, and it can help people a lot.
 
i didnt understand it till yesterday,i learned a lot about it and myself
 
I agree that we need to be responsible for our actions and reactions. I just wish there was some way to apologize to the people I've hurt, especially the ones I hurt in my men's group. How do you apologize to a group of people, I actually have tried to several times (the leader basically said, instead of apologizine, stop the behavior- maybe he was right). There is also a church I attended that doesn't want me back(at least some of the members don't), and then there is my wife's family... I keep vacilating between being angy at them (for being angy at me and for retaliating)to feeling like crap for causing problems. It's pretty frustrating. There are times I can't see a way out. God please help me!
 
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