Getting involved with "taken" women - Poss. trigg.
Alonso
Registrant
Morals are very important for me. For years I had a strong principle that I wouldn't do anything with a woman who was married or had a partner. However, in 2015 I realized that that principle wasn’t working for me. Back then I had three attractive female friends, a Polish, an American and an Italian. The three showed a romantic interest in me, but all of them were either married or in a long term relationship, so I rejected all of them. At first sight this seemed the right thing to do. They didn’t feel bad about it because in principle I was not really rejecting them, I was rejecting their relationship status. However, one of them broke up with her boyfriend in order to be with me, and I still rejected her after that. She certainly felt bad about that rejection.
Eventually I acknowledged I was abusing my principle. Looks like I was befriending women who were in a relationship because that made everything easier for me. Since I was abused by a woman (my mother) I am so scared of women that I always reject them, no matter what. This typically creates negative feelings in both of us. With a woman in a relationship, however, I can just reject her straight away without feeling bad about it and without hurting her pride. They don’t feel bad because at first sight I’m not rejecting the woman, I’m rejecting the situation. Doing that wasn’t honest, I was deceving both parties. I was abusing my moral principle to avoid the challenge of actually getting involved with a woman and facing all the emotions that entails for me. I was abusing my moral principle in order to keep love out of my life.
Principles are meant to do good to people and to bring love to the world. If they fail to do so, they are not good principles, regardless of how great they might sound. My principle of keeping my distance with "taken" women sounded great in theory, but in practice it was keeping love out of my life (and theirs, although that is not my responsibility), and serving my fears. For that reason, after a very exhaustive examination, I decided to dump that principle. My current principle is that I am open (in theory, at least) to anybody regardless of their relationship status (the exception are the girlfriends or wives of my friends, those women are out of bounds). I consider it’s up to them, as adults, to decide what they want to do with their relationships. I will not decide what to do based on their relationship status because I have extensive experience that that approach backfires badly with me.
Looks like I took the right decision because, after I dumped my original principle, I reduced my involvement with “taken” women noticeably. Over the last few weeks, however, I have met two attractive married women who seem to be interested in me. I have no reason to say no to any of them, so I’m getting quite nervous about it.
Eventually I acknowledged I was abusing my principle. Looks like I was befriending women who were in a relationship because that made everything easier for me. Since I was abused by a woman (my mother) I am so scared of women that I always reject them, no matter what. This typically creates negative feelings in both of us. With a woman in a relationship, however, I can just reject her straight away without feeling bad about it and without hurting her pride. They don’t feel bad because at first sight I’m not rejecting the woman, I’m rejecting the situation. Doing that wasn’t honest, I was deceving both parties. I was abusing my moral principle to avoid the challenge of actually getting involved with a woman and facing all the emotions that entails for me. I was abusing my moral principle in order to keep love out of my life.
Principles are meant to do good to people and to bring love to the world. If they fail to do so, they are not good principles, regardless of how great they might sound. My principle of keeping my distance with "taken" women sounded great in theory, but in practice it was keeping love out of my life (and theirs, although that is not my responsibility), and serving my fears. For that reason, after a very exhaustive examination, I decided to dump that principle. My current principle is that I am open (in theory, at least) to anybody regardless of their relationship status (the exception are the girlfriends or wives of my friends, those women are out of bounds). I consider it’s up to them, as adults, to decide what they want to do with their relationships. I will not decide what to do based on their relationship status because I have extensive experience that that approach backfires badly with me.
Looks like I took the right decision because, after I dumped my original principle, I reduced my involvement with “taken” women noticeably. Over the last few weeks, however, I have met two attractive married women who seem to be interested in me. I have no reason to say no to any of them, so I’m getting quite nervous about it.
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