Getting drunk tonight

Getting drunk tonight
Hauser

Hauser

Registrant
Fuck it nothing changes anyway no matter how long I stay sober.

I've quit for months at a time and nothing changes, see a T for 9 months and nothing changes, confide my darkest secrets and fears with trusted friends and nothing changes, change career paths and that changed, yeah I make less money now than I did before, that I managed to change.

If Tony Robbins was my roomate he couldn't change me.

Stripes on a tiger don't wash away, and neither does my poor self-image, my attitude, my outlook on life.

I'm very angry and disgusted with everything right now.
 
Hauser,

Please don't drink. I've been sober for six years now. All this crap is starting to come out and if I wasn't sober then I wouldn't be able to deal with it. I drank for fifteen years over this stuff. I'm struggling as well now. Lost the women that I love, on LOA from my job and don't kown if I'll be able to go back and also dealing with my CSA issues. This is the toughest period ever in my life. Please try and stay sober tonight. Drinking is only going to make it worse. I totally identify with you. If you need to chat I'm here.
 
Hauser,

I've been sober for a long while. For me, after a year and a half to two years things really shifted - a seachange if you can call it - for the better. But I've definately had crappy days or weeks at a time.

Just remember, character defects like anger, hopelessness, are to be worked on - 1 day at a time. Stay in the NOW! Yesterday's history, tommorow's a mystery - stay in the NOW. 1 day at a time is all God gives us.

Good Luck,

Chairman 201
 
Hauser,

I'd encourage you to stay sober as well, but whatever happens please know that you are loved. Stay engaged in the process, Bro. Don't let them win.

Hugs My Friend,

John
 
I,to, am in recovery (june 2002) and i could not even express to you how much my life has changed by just staying sober.April 2004 my life as i knew it was over...memories of my past reared its awful and heartwrenching head but i was able to stay sober and quite honestly not once did i think about drinking.I have been in therapy since 2004 and although this process alone is far and away unbearable i refused to give up on me seeing i was thrown to the wolves.You are going to get through this pain/anger you are in ...I PROMISE YOU, YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS...Right now for you is in no way easy however if you drink your problems will only intensify more then you can imagine.In the past long before 2002 when i had a hard time with....anything i drank,if i felt sad,i drank,if i was happy i drank,there is nothing in booze for us anymore but further pain/misery..You are worth it (if only for you) to stay sober afterall what we went through as children (beautiful children) is that not enough is it going to go away,is it ever going to not be painful....yes it will and for you to experience the joy(s) of staying away from alcohol therefore stay sober you will in fact have a life you never could dream of.Please don't pick up a drink,it's simply just not worth it and you are so much more then what the booze did for you and to you, in your life...if you want to come here and vent ....you go for it and spill whatever is on your mind...you're a good man who deserves the gift of sobriety....period.Coop..
 
If you don't feel it now, the pain, the fear, the self loathing, what ever it is, than you're going to just keep perpetutating the nightmare. Numbing out is delaying the inevitable:
you have to feel your feelings.
You owe it to yourself.
Be brave. We are all with you.
 
Hauser,

You are not alone. I just now checked in the forum because I just woke up (sort of) from my drunken stupor. I'm actually amazed I can type (although I go back and correct every other word). I know these guys above are right. The booze only prolongs the inevitable but sometimes I just say, what the hell, I'm tired of fighting 24/7.

Like MDR, all the crap is coming out but this is the only way to shut the shit-spicket off. How can anyone possibly deal with all of this (11 years worth of CSA) at one time? If we had to deal with ALL the feelings as Bear suggested, I think I'd put a hole through my head. I don't know about you, but i can only deal with so much of it at a time and getting drunk certainly helps pace myself. I can actually go to sleep or pass out or whatever until morning and give myself some needed rest. that so bad?Is

Koveri
 
Now that you have gotten drunk .You have a hang over and your problems are still there
No matter where you go you are still there
 
That's right. But for about 12 hours the problems weren't there. For 12 hours the spinning and pain were in my head instead of my heart. Now that I'm back in the sober world I have to face the same, old same-old. It's in the sober world that new, fresh memories come percolating to the surface. I suppose that that is a good thing. I just don't know what to do once they have broken the surface. The rip tide just keeps taking me into deeper water even though I'm no better at swimming. Once you can't touch bottom, I suppose it doesn't matter how deep the water is; it only means you are further from shore. Sometimes I get a glimps of land (like on this forum) and it gives me some momentary hope and convince myself I don't need to drink. This is usually followed by a trough and then I'm just as convinced that I deserve a drink. But it never ends with one or two because after about 5 I get a what-the-hell attitude and the sharks circling around turn to dolphins.

Today is Sunday, so today I just put up with the pain and don't wash it away. That's why this post is so damn negative. Wednesday starts the travels to go up and see family. I get to have Thanksgiving with my abusers and everyone can pretend again that nothing ever happened. I can't wait. At least my little bro will be there and he took it all when I left home at 18. So, we have at least a common history, only now he is no longer gay and is happily married. But I love him anyway. :)

Koveri
 
4 years sober for me....took about the first 2 years to go through hell..up down all around you name it...but amazing enough things are getting better...i am reclming parts of myself that i had lost a long time ago...it feels good and scary..but it is worth it....steve
 
That's what I thought and the last time, again, again I said last time again and awoke in a daze in restraints, trying to free myself so I could get my clothes on and get to the package store before it closed. I needed more vodka DAMN IT! How dare you tie me down. Why? Because I kept ripping off the iv's, the mask that let me breathe, had a broken nose - was that when I fell backswards into the tub? - I didn't want to live. Why? What was there to keep me here? I trust no one, so let me go. And they wouldn't.
And I'm really not sure why today. Am I only fooling myself. Do I really believe anything? I was useless, no worth to anyone and now I wonder if I see reality from one of those mirrors oldman Plato wrote about. Death is real but am I? Who knows? It's off to my sleep apnea fun and games in 20 minutes. Happy trails to me and you.
Froggy12
 
Hauser, I have no advice. Just want you to know that I think you're a great guy, and always have been. That hasn't changed either. Bobby
 
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