getting back more memories *MAY TRIGGER*

getting back more memories *MAY TRIGGER*
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onlyakid

I was reading my copy of Victims No Longer (the 2nd edition) and I thought I heard something like my parents coming home (step father and mother), anyway, for some reason that triggered me to a awkward fearful feeling. Almost feeling like abuse was associated with people coming into my room and fearing them coming in.

I also have this memory of me, years after the abuse lying lifeless as in a way to say take me (sexually) while I was by myself. I remember hearing others stories about pretending to be asleep when the abuse would happen and just lying there allowing themselves to be entered. I have this weird feeling that maybe I don't remember doing the same or something similar with my brother. I also feel like the time that I do remember being entered which I had remembered as not knowing it was going to happen was more as if he had instructed me on what to do but I didn't know what was going to happen.

Just wanting to get that off my chest and see if anybody has any comments about it.
 
jtt,

I just had an experience while attending a Broadway play in St. Louis on Wednesday night! The crowd was very large and there was not much space in the lobby, I was bumped numerous times. I had a VIVID memory of one of my Preps standing in front of my with his back to me, feeling me out in a public setting. I guess he got his jollies knowing he could do that whith a hundred people around him. I actually shuddred from head to toe and my wife knew that I was having a flash back or a PTSD moment and grabbed me and held me close and when I told her what it was, she gently guided me to a quiet corner where I could have some privacy.

Since I started T, I have been in more than one situation where I KNEW I was in danger, that one of them was there and was going to start it all over again. Not just flashbacks, they are SO DAMNED REAL! I KNOW THEY ARE HERE! But, then I know they are not.

Like you, I am curious as to how many others have these similar de ja vue (how do you spell that) where you just know that it is here again.

jtt, I think we are safe, and I think it is normal, but that don't help much when it's'a happin'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hang in there!

PEACE AND GOD BLESS!

TJ
 
Dissociation is not an unusual tool used by children in abusive situations; a friend of mine used to go through phases (years after the abuse) of feeling like her legs were floating, numb from the waist down.

I figure that with therapy, and the increased understanding that comes with it, the symptoms may fade over time.

- Captain
 
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