getting a new T.

[sand shore]

Hi guys,

asking for advise and suggestions here. I recently wrote about my problems with T. and ended up deciding to drop out.

Initially my plan was to take a break from therapy for couple of months and concentrate on my new job, but what i didn't realize how activated my memory became - almost every day a new childhood memory will get into my mind, or suddenly fear of darkness reappears, and i feel lost, scared and helpless because i am not seeking help or have any constructive means of dealing with this stuff at the moment.

So, long story short - i have arranged some appointments with different male therapists. I want to interview them and pick based on my impressions. And i do not have a clue about how to do that - even searching for possible candidates made me feel scared, and extreme dyslexia kicked in when I was writing messages – had to correct the spelling probably 5 times, and text came out awkward as hell.

Some of the replies I received were playfully pointing out that fact actually: I wrote something like “I am looking for a therapist for myself, are you looking for clients now?” and two people replied with “well, I don’t look for clients, clients look for me!”… And I filtered those Ts out: I felt they are making fun of me being strange while seeking for help, and my request is to… stop being strange, how would that be different in therapy?..

So, yeah, I am trying to learn to be assertive and not completely obey another other people say, but it is extremely difficult for me – I felt I must give a change that T. I filtered out because of the jokes…

I want and really need some moral support for my current situation, and also I want to help digesting my trauma. Should I talk about abuse at the first meeting? Should I seek for two different therapists – one to support me and another to dig into the abuse history… Should i talk about my problems with previous therapists. How do I find out which one is better for me..

I went to, I counted now but not sure if the number is absolutely correct, six, already six Ts already in my life and I didn’t manage to receive help yet and form constructive lasting relations, and I am stressed and confused.

If you have any insight, advise or suggestion you are most welcome to share.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Strangeways]

and two people replied with “well, I don’t look for clients, clients look for me!”… And I filtered those Ts out

Wow. Nice! That's self-advocacy!I Idon't think I'd want to work with people like that either.

I think you should talk about the problems you've had with your previous therapists. If the therapist gets defensive or defends the other therapist, you can drop them too.

Just want to say nice going. Sounds like you are really on the right track.

 

[betrayed boy]

hi u can try the main page here theres a section on what to look for when picking a T, i think at 1st u should feel the T out see if u feel right with them explain what went wrong with other T's u tried before see what they say/think about if they feel they can help u out or not before delving into the issue too deeply, of course u need to give a general overview of ur issues so they can decide if they are the right fit for u, also ask if they have experience treating trauma/sexual abuse in their back round, when u go to ur 1st meeting take a notebook with the info u want to talk about with u so u dont forget anything (it happens all the time) or try ur local govt. resources health dept. .....good luck BB

 

[Visitor]

BBs suggestions sound good to me... write down what you want to talk about and bring the paper so you won't forget what is important to you, and, make certain the person with whom you're working is well-trained in doing trauma work. Doing trauma work has less to do with uncovering painful memories than in helping us to manage distress in the present moment when it arises. Yes, painful memories can appear in the therapy session but diving into those can re-traumatize us. We don't deny them, but we recognize the reality that we're grownups now, no longer living in the situation when the abuse happened. We are invited to mobilize our capacity to care for ourselves.

I found my therapist through this website. Here is a link to the Therapist Directory. You'll see a link to "A Consumer's Guide to Therapist Shopping" which might be useful for you... All the best.

Therapist

Therapist

www.malesurvivor.org

 

[Duckie]

deleted

 

[Pollux]

I haven’t been to my therapist since october. I honestly think I’ve gone as far as I can go with him. At one point he gave me his cell number so that I could text him about “anything”. Which is something I don’t do. I’m paying for his care and that doesn’t mean I can take up other time.

I texted him in a bit of a crisis and I felt like he blew me off. It wasn’t therapy over text. I just explained the crisis and asked if I could have an appointment sooner.

I don’t connect well with men to begin with and it was sort of a let down in trust. I seem to get that way a lot with guys I friend. Ghosted or blown off...

My wife is on me about going back; I just don’t want to. I hate the whole ‘finding a therapist thing.’

 

[Nothing Man]

I had several therapists who did not work out until I found the right one. He was great. From my experience, if you are interview potential therapists, you can ask about if they have been trained and have experience with treating male sexual trauma and male childhood sexual trauma. You can ask if they are qualified to do EMDR therapy which I found was extremely helpful in dealing with the PTSD. But just as importantly, you have to trust and like the therapist. Trust your gut. Good luck, I hope you find a good one.