gay men & date / emotional rape

gay men & date / emotional rape
C

cat lover

Registrant
Greetings, all. This is my first post on Male Survivor, and I am glad to have found the website. I hope I am following all the guidelines in my post. About 2.5 years ago, I was raped by the man I was seeing. Call it date rape or emotional rape or whatever, that kind of betrayal by a person I loved, and his prior & subsequent playing with my head, wounded me pretty deeply. It took me over a year to be willing to name it for what it was, and, thanks to the help of a competent professional, I have been able to move forward - although not without some significant scars.

I have found it helpful to talk with a couple of other men I know who were both raped. However, they are both straight, and their stories are not like mine. One was assaulted by a stranger, the other by a friend. Neither was in love with their attacker. So much of the recovery literature is geared toward women, and very little towards gay men. I am curious to know other men's stories who may have been in a situation like mine, and to know something of the resources that helped them recover.

Thanks!
 
P.S.

I also forgot to include a question. Have others taken legal action against former boyfriends? What has that been like for them?

Thanks.
 
Welcome Brother

Seems the "gay" area is slow.
That is another story.

As you can tell from my screen name I am a Colorado boy, well now a "mature" man.

Yes, I have insights, was in a near rape situation
and was able to get away but the trauma is still there. He was not my lover but a "friend".

Your perp was likely either a rapist at heart or a really sick man. Still it was rape.

Denver has some good resources but I have not heard of a group that is both gay and for men that were raped.

I can offer some words as to "options" but the best is you have posted.

As to the lack of gay posts? It will change,
I am sorry if the delay caused any stress.

Rocky Mountain Joe

PS

Whole lotta snow today!
Trust you are safe and warm?
 
Thanks Rocky Mountain Joe. And everyone else too!

I have actually contacted the rape center in Denver two or three times, but I never seem to be able to find anyone who can tell me of rape support groups for men. So I have never been to one, but I would like to go. I know that, somewhere inside, I probably still have some healing to do, in spite of the work and reading I've already done with my therapist. I was brought to this awareness a month or so ago when sharing with someone for the first time the barest of details of what happened. With the words " Over two years ago, I was raped," I teared up and had to stop talking and couldn't really share anything more. I am glad you think posting here will help me.

I did read a couple of books that I found helpful. I am not sure if I am allowed to post specific titles here. "Male on Male Rape" was good, particularly the chapter on "False Intentions." I also got a lot out of "The Emotional Rape Syndrome" and "The Emotionally Abusive Relationship." I also recently read "Love Does No Harm," which is about sexual ethics. (I highly recommend that last one!)

It's hard for me to choose between the two descriptions of my ex which you offer - rapist at heart, or really sick man. I know that he has some significant issues with sexual compulsion and acting out, and that's probably from what this stems - but still, it wounded me incredibly. The emotional scars took a long time to heal. And I think they may not be done yet. Maybe one day he'll get the help he needs; I tried to point him in that direction, to twelve steps meetings and such (this was someone I loved, after all) but I have found it much better not to have any contact with him at all. (Although I have run into his parents in church a couple of times.) The point is that he needs to solve his own issues, not me solve them for him. I still grapple with whether I should press charges, or at least file a police report. My focus is on me and my recovery, healing, and growth.

An issues that seems to loom large for me sometimes is around trust. Most people are worthy of my trust; only a few have proven themselves otherwise, and only this one betrayed it to an extreme. I think the next step in my healing is 'heart healing.' When the emotional (and physical) coercion is perpetrated by a significant other, I am reluctant to share my heart again. But for my own sake, I need to figure out how to deal with that reluctance.
 
sorry you had that happen noone desearve to be hurt but we all know that here

hugs hope you are ok

trust is hard thing at times
 
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