Gang raped *Trigger warning!*

In 1976 I was gang-raped by five other sailors on Grande Island in the Philippines. It still haunts me to this day. I was too afraid to report it for two reasons: One, I did not think I would be believed and two I was afraid they would discover that I was gay and throw me out of the service I loved.

Fellow survivors of MST have urged me to file a claim with the VA. And so far, I haven't. That fear of not being believed is what stops me I think. My shrink at the VA says the evidence needed to prove my case is 7+ years of mental health treatment at the VA. Don't know if I ever will file.
 
Sorry that happened, Jaxx. :( - I hope you get the courage to report. Reporting the Minister-perp was helpful, even though I had to do it twice to be believed. In the end, it was very empowering.
 

DavidM-LT

Registrant
Hi Jaxson!!
I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. I don’t doubt that it still haunts you. The fear of not being believed is extremely crippling. You certainly don’t have to worry about getting thrown out now! Regardless!

And that an awful thing about guys getting abused. Somehow, some way, people get the idea that it happened because of being gay. If I read into that, it’s akin to saying you were looking for it. That’s horrible. It’s a horrible thing to blame someone for. From what you say, your T is favorable!! That’s an enormous plus in your favor!! No one should force you to do it though. But if I read into what you’re saying, it seems like you want to.

Regardless of your choice, we’re all here with you!! And I know for me, reporting helped. I thought it’d take the pain away. It def didn’t do that. But it helped some.
 

Brennan87

Registrant
Jaxon,

We can related to have difficult it was for you to share this with us. You have been heard, this horrible event was NOT your fault and had nothing to do with you, your sexuality, the way you dress, etc. You get the point. This is 100% on them. If you choose not to report it to the VA, that is your choice. If you think it will help you heal, then report it. If you feel it will further harm you and your healing, let it go.
We are here for you!
 
Hi Jaxson!!
I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. I don’t doubt that it still haunts you. The fear of not being believed is extremely crippling. You certainly don’t have to worry about getting thrown out now! Regardless!

And that an awful thing about guys getting abused. Somehow, some way, people get the idea that it happened because of being gay. If I read into that, it’s akin to saying you were looking for it. That’s horrible. It’s a horrible thing to blame someone for. From what you say, your T is favorable!! That’s an enormous plus in your favor!! No one should force you to do it though. But if I read into what you’re saying, it seems like you want to.

Regardless of your choice, we’re all here with you!! And I know for me, reporting helped. I thought it’d take the pain away. It def didn’t do that. But it helped some.
That is my second biggest fear. My T knows I am gay and it is part of my medical history. I did NOT want it. It hurt me badly as I was bleeding for days. And saying no and begging did nothing to stop them. And then there is that nagging feeling that I should have been able to fight them off. Even if there were five.
 

Shyshark

Registrant
I'm so sorry Jaxson.
Sadly you have a lot of guys here who share your experience.

I have a question.
At this stage would disclosing that you are gay put you in some kind of jeopardy ... or harm your life in the present?

If not ... then I believe you have another point to consider.

If this happened to you I'll bet it happened to somebody else too ... at the hands of one or more of your attackers.
By stepping forward you may add credence to another man's (men's) story ... and in so doing add to your's as well.
There is strength in numbers.

It may not change anything for you ... but perhaps just doing it might ease your feelings of helplessness.
If it doesn't lead to repercussions for you ...
What is there to lose ... and/or ... what is there to gain?

Just a thought.
 

Healing light

Registrant
This is a brave thread.
I would say with regards to reporting is put you at the fore front do what is best for you. I reported some of my abuse

I was gang raped , it haunts me , it's a heinous crime.

Here you are believed , it is not and was not your fault

Peace
HL
 
And then there is that nagging feeling that I should have been able to fight them off. Even if there were five.
I hope you pause and read what you wrote. I understand that “nagging feeling”. But take a deep breath and remember they were at least your size I will bet if not bigger. They too had been trained by the Navy as fighting men just like you...and there were 5. Not one. Not two but FIVE trained fighters working together to attack you as a hungry wolf pack attacks - probably utilizing surprise as well as surround and swarm. They knew IF you filed a report at that time good ol Uncle Sam would have rewarded them with a reprimand at most and discharged you-after all they weren’t gay and forced to hide - they were RAPISTS. Who were protected and promoted in a culture of evil policy. YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT. YOU COULD NOT HAVE STOPPED THEM. Sorry to yell - I am frustrated in my own unreality of being able to control others. Be safe and keep writing. You are not alone.
 
I hope you pause and read what you wrote. I understand that “nagging feeling”. But take a deep breath and remember they were at least your size I will bet if not bigger. They too had been trained by the Navy as fighting men just like you...and there were 5. Not one. Not two but FIVE trained fighters working together to attack you as a hungry wolf pack attacks - probably utilizing surprise as well as surround and swarm. They knew IF you filed a report at that time good ol Uncle Sam would have rewarded them with a reprimand at most and discharged you-after all they weren’t gay and forced to hide - they were RAPISTS. Who were protected and promoted in a culture of evil policy. YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT. YOU COULD NOT HAVE STOPPED THEM. Sorry to yell - I am frustrated in my own unreality of being able to control others. Be safe and keep writing. You are not alone.
It was surprise. I was sleeping on my stomach when it started. Fully clothed.
 
Hi Jaxson

I am sorry you went through such a traumatic experience as gang rape. I appreciate you having the courage to talk about it. I too was Gang raped In 1972. I don't talk about it, all but to acknowledge it happened. To much going on in my head to talk about it makes life difficult. I have many different emotions that get triggered when thinking or trying to talk. Rage is the scary one and crying is just embarrassing those two keep me out of life out in society.

Take good care
Esterio
 
I am a member of the VFW and we have service officers to help file claims. I have decided to go ahead and file tomorrow. My fear of not being believed is still there, but I think I do deserve some justice for what happened to me.
 

TJ jeff

Moderator
Jaxson - please know that there will be a band of brothers standing with you tomorrow as you file - if not in a physical sense at least in a spiritual one

I'm an X-Navy man myself - I've seen many different things that shouldn't have happened in the 6 years I was in but I was still running from my own past and so never spoke up (we used to laugh about "initiation rights" that would horrify people today)
 
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