Frustration
Hello again my friends...it has been a while. The last three months have been a whirlwind. Separating from my wife, almost going into hospitalization, a new relationship possibility, oh yeah... I forgot, the holidays!
I write to you out of frustration. For the month of November and the first two weeks of December I actually felt something other than disgust for myself. I, dare I say the words, felt happy???
Then, a series of events occur (being lied to by my ex about $$, a delay in a lucrative business deal, being objectified in the gym locker room by a number of guys, and having to spend the night with my mother, etc, and BAM!it is as if I was in worse shape than before.
I only felt shame. I only felt that everyone was trying to get the very last morsel of my being. If someone ask me for the time it was as if they wanted my arm. As ai sat in the car with my moyther, all I could do was visualize ripping her head off her shoulders.
FYI - I do not know if she sexually abused me. She did everything else bad. My perps were my father, his brother, and a friend of my mothers.
Anyway, the last two weeks have sucked the life out of me. I then remembered this unique group of guys that have meant so much to me in the past. Thanks for being there! Thanks for never giving up on me! Thans for letting me vent!
May God (or whatever you choose to label your higher being) grant us all peace and healing!
Danny
I write to you out of frustration. For the month of November and the first two weeks of December I actually felt something other than disgust for myself. I, dare I say the words, felt happy???
Then, a series of events occur (being lied to by my ex about $$, a delay in a lucrative business deal, being objectified in the gym locker room by a number of guys, and having to spend the night with my mother, etc, and BAM!it is as if I was in worse shape than before.
I only felt shame. I only felt that everyone was trying to get the very last morsel of my being. If someone ask me for the time it was as if they wanted my arm. As ai sat in the car with my moyther, all I could do was visualize ripping her head off her shoulders.
FYI - I do not know if she sexually abused me. She did everything else bad. My perps were my father, his brother, and a friend of my mothers.
Anyway, the last two weeks have sucked the life out of me. I then remembered this unique group of guys that have meant so much to me in the past. Thanks for being there! Thanks for never giving up on me! Thans for letting me vent!
May God (or whatever you choose to label your higher being) grant us all peace and healing!
Danny