From Survivor to Thriver
Like EGL, I posted this on the Members forum and someone there suggested that I post it here on the Public side as well, as a means of encouragement to others.
To all who are on this journey of healing and recovery,
If you haven't already guessed I am an advocate of setting a personal recovery goal of confronting your abuser. You must be prepared, though, before taking that step.
We didn't ask for this when we were young. We didn't consent. It was our body, not someone else's and that POS had no right to do what he did to us.
My abuser was a teacher. He wormed his way into our family by promising extra help and guidance to an older brother who was his student. I was abused from the ages of 11 to 14 or 15. I'm 50 now.
About 20 years ago in an effort to make some sense out of all this I confronted him one evening at his home to ask why. He turned into a quivering, crying waste of a human and begged me not to tell his mother who was in the next room.
At that time I took no legal action as I was unsure of what rights I had before me. Then, in the summer of 2002 the Connecticut State Assembly passed a law extending the statute of limitations for civil cases to 30 years past the age of majority which meant that victims of CSA had until the day they turned 48 to file. I turned 48 in October of 2002 and we just beat the clock.
Fast forward to early June of this year. I've already been through his deposition, my deposition, various discovery requests and telling my family (mom and brothers) that I was going public with what this POS did to me. I had long ago told them and there were varying degrees of support but the support was there and that helped to a certain extent.
Make no mistake about confrontation guys. You must be fully prepared. My abuser took the 5th rather than admit in a legal setting that he abused me and others. As Ivanhoe mentions in his post, read the articles on this site.
Even though there was an out of court settlement, which the judge had urged us to achieve, I won with no restrictions on confidentiality which is frequently the case with out of court settlements. My perp asked for confidentiality but I SAID NO!
Oh, and before I forget. Do you know what triggered me to action? It was my older son entering the 7th grade. That's when it was the worst for me. I took one look at how innocent he was at that age and all I saw was what had been taken from me and I was enraged.
So the past two months have been liberating. I started seeing a fantastic T just after Christmas of last year and last night was our final session. She and I are both in agreement that it's time for the next phase and so I'm turning to everyone here, especially the mods and directors, for some input.
I know this is a place for healing and you've all contributed to my healing in one way or another. I've been blown away and remain humbled by the spirit, the thoughts that have been so eloquently expressed and the support that you so generously extend. I've been blessed to have found this haven.
But what's next? How do I take the energy that is flowing my way with the casting off of this demon and apply it in a most useful manner? I have sometimes felt that I'm ready to explode.
I want to help. I want to educate the community to the dangers that are out there. I want to become a healer myself (insert Howard Dean Scream here) ;-).
I am open to all feedback. Thanks in advance fellas. It is my wish that you all may someday feel the way I am feeling now.
In closing, I shared the contents of my signature line with my T last night. Her reaction was "Wow". I don't remember exactly who wrote it but I did find it on the members side. If you, the author, read this I want to thank you for writing what you did. It has given me so much strength.
With warmest regards,
Zipser
To all who are on this journey of healing and recovery,
If you haven't already guessed I am an advocate of setting a personal recovery goal of confronting your abuser. You must be prepared, though, before taking that step.
We didn't ask for this when we were young. We didn't consent. It was our body, not someone else's and that POS had no right to do what he did to us.
My abuser was a teacher. He wormed his way into our family by promising extra help and guidance to an older brother who was his student. I was abused from the ages of 11 to 14 or 15. I'm 50 now.
About 20 years ago in an effort to make some sense out of all this I confronted him one evening at his home to ask why. He turned into a quivering, crying waste of a human and begged me not to tell his mother who was in the next room.
At that time I took no legal action as I was unsure of what rights I had before me. Then, in the summer of 2002 the Connecticut State Assembly passed a law extending the statute of limitations for civil cases to 30 years past the age of majority which meant that victims of CSA had until the day they turned 48 to file. I turned 48 in October of 2002 and we just beat the clock.
Fast forward to early June of this year. I've already been through his deposition, my deposition, various discovery requests and telling my family (mom and brothers) that I was going public with what this POS did to me. I had long ago told them and there were varying degrees of support but the support was there and that helped to a certain extent.
Make no mistake about confrontation guys. You must be fully prepared. My abuser took the 5th rather than admit in a legal setting that he abused me and others. As Ivanhoe mentions in his post, read the articles on this site.
Even though there was an out of court settlement, which the judge had urged us to achieve, I won with no restrictions on confidentiality which is frequently the case with out of court settlements. My perp asked for confidentiality but I SAID NO!
Oh, and before I forget. Do you know what triggered me to action? It was my older son entering the 7th grade. That's when it was the worst for me. I took one look at how innocent he was at that age and all I saw was what had been taken from me and I was enraged.
So the past two months have been liberating. I started seeing a fantastic T just after Christmas of last year and last night was our final session. She and I are both in agreement that it's time for the next phase and so I'm turning to everyone here, especially the mods and directors, for some input.
I know this is a place for healing and you've all contributed to my healing in one way or another. I've been blown away and remain humbled by the spirit, the thoughts that have been so eloquently expressed and the support that you so generously extend. I've been blessed to have found this haven.
But what's next? How do I take the energy that is flowing my way with the casting off of this demon and apply it in a most useful manner? I have sometimes felt that I'm ready to explode.
I want to help. I want to educate the community to the dangers that are out there. I want to become a healer myself (insert Howard Dean Scream here) ;-).
I am open to all feedback. Thanks in advance fellas. It is my wish that you all may someday feel the way I am feeling now.
In closing, I shared the contents of my signature line with my T last night. Her reaction was "Wow". I don't remember exactly who wrote it but I did find it on the members side. If you, the author, read this I want to thank you for writing what you did. It has given me so much strength.
With warmest regards,
Zipser
