friends from my past

eagle79

Registrant
I know I have not been on here in FOREVER, but part of me just didn't want to relive the trauma that I went through back when I was kid/teen. But this past week an old school friend of mine from 91 to 94 found me facebook. She was a great friend, but I left for Oregon in 94 and I lost contact with everybody from my days in South Cali. But she found me, and I looked at her info and photos and noticed that she has been married for 19 years and she has three children with the oldest being 19. A lovely family no doubt! I would also find out about my other friends and where they are now, and they all sound like they have wonderful perfect lives.
And yet here I am, the lost and lonely soul who got stuck. Shit happened to me, and nothing nice, and I never moved on because of it. The trauma of what I went through held me back, made me worse, made me feel like the outsider, and made me feel unwanted. Everybody moved on in life, got married, had children, maybe had a divorce and married again, but as for me I got stuck.
All I want to do now is delete my facebook and forget about them. I am feeling negative because of how good these old friends feel, and it doesn't do me any good. I was raped, abused and assaulted, and I got stuck because of it, where as they kept on moving forward. And good for them, I am not wishing any pain on them at all, but I just wish that I lived a good life where nothing ugly happened to me.
Anyway, that is how I feel right now. I am hurt and feeling negative towards myself again, and that is why I am back on here. This time I plan on staying.
 

Healing light

Registrant
I know I have not been on here in FOREVER, but part of me just didn't want to relive the trauma that I went through back when I was kid/teen. But this past week an old school friend of mine from 91 to 94 found me facebook. She was a great friend, but I left for Oregon in 94 and I lost contact with everybody from my days in South Cali. But she found me, and I looked at her info and photos and noticed that she has been married for 19 years and she has three children with the oldest being 19. A lovely family no doubt! I would also find out about my other friends and where they are now, and they all sound like they have wonderful perfect lives.
And yet here I am, the lost and lonely soul who got stuck. Shit happened to me, and nothing nice, and I never moved on because of it. The trauma of what I went through held me back, made me worse, made me feel like the outsider, and made me feel unwanted. Everybody moved on in life, got married, had children, maybe had a divorce and married again, but as for me I got stuck.
All I want to do now is delete my facebook and forget about them. I am feeling negative because of how good these old friends feel, and it doesn't do me any good. I was raped, abused and assaulted, and I got stuck because of it, where as they kept on moving forward. And good for them, I am not wishing any pain on them at all, but I just wish that I lived a good life where nothing ugly happened to me.
Anyway, that is how I feel right now. I am hurt and feeling negative towards myself again, and that is why I am back on here. This time I plan on staying.
Hey eagle

That's certainly a place I have been at before now

Welcome back here , I wish you peace in your healing journey
I do believe we can all find some inner peace on this journey

I have found Facebook to be a place I can make assumptions of other people's lives being perfect when that's not necessarily true
Facebook is what part of there lives people wish to expose. a friend told me this when I was struggling.
I was finding it difficult to work because I was in recovery from CSA , ASA and addiction, my relationship was on the verge of collapse I felt like a total mess compared

I actively try not to compare myself or my life to others now, it's real hard though

Like you I wish everyone all the best , I just want to live my best life too
It's okay to mourn what we lost or missed out on I think it's part of the healing

Be gentle with yourself ,
Peace
HL
 

Guss

Registrant
I hope you can be kind to yourself eagle. You deserve to heal, and have some happiness.
Facebook is a bunch of lies and drivel. Nobody's life is perfect. People who post all their business online do not have a perfect life. If they did, they'd be out living it instead of posting bs online.
Why else would they post they had a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch?
 
I live in that same space, surrounded by happy, married, with children, siblings and friends while I sit alone. It can get me really depressed at times.
 
Top