friend pulling away

friend pulling away
B

buddah

Registrant
So I have this close friend. Right now and for a while, it seems like he is pulling away from me emotionaly and today physically. A pic was gonna be taken of us and he didnt want to do the arm around the shoulder thing. When I hear that I hear no I dont want to look like a gay couple. Which we are not. It kinda hurt. I have had friends get close to me and then for no reason pull away. Then I am sitting there asking why what is going on wait. It ends with them leaving my life. Has anyone else had this experience. It kinda hurts right now. I trust him and or trusted him. But it seems like I should just save myself the pain and pull out of the close friendship and have a not so close one. I have been hurt alot in the past by friends well one in particular. I dont want to screw this friendship up. Any advice?
 
Buddah: A simple solution might be just to come out and ask becaause you value his friendship. I have found throughout my life that the best course of action is to ask when you just don't know. We assume so many things that are totally wrong. Give it a try and good luck
 
let me ask, was there much physical contact in the beginning? i mean let's face it, men are brought up to be kind of squeemish about physical affection. would he normaly have an issue about putting an arm around you, or is this a regression? like mikey, if it is a regression, i feel it might be something to call him on in a gentle way ofcourse.

one thing my wife is teaching me is the importance of openness. see what you are doing to yourself? you have no idea what he was thinking, and are rolling all this around in your head. you're driving yourself nuts, and it might be nothing at all. i have a bad habit of doing this, but i'm quickly realizing there are many advantages of being more open. i am learning to speak up when something hurts. it's much better than holding it in and walkign aorund with it. JMHO
 
We talked and all. Got things on the table. I tried to explain why somethings bother me more then they would other people. Also talked about the physical touching. Yeah it was there in the begining. We have a great friendship where we are really open and honest sometimes the communication breaks down and all. This is all good. It was more of a trust thing for me toward him. Just cause I have been hurt and all by friends and family in the past.
 
Buddah
just imagine if you'd avoided talking, would you still be friends ?

Dave
 
Oh no I have no problem talking. I just sometimes think that maybe I take things to hard etc. Stress to easily you know?

We are all good!
 
Ive come to the conclusion that projecting our thoughts and feelings on others is a very bad thing. I know I have a bad habit of thinking I know what others are or would feel about things, when in fact I am putting words and thoughts into their mouth so to speak. Its like with my wife. I was sure she would think I was sick, and would run screaming into the night if she ever got to know the true me. Now that I have shared the true me with her, she has responded with love and support. I do myself a great harm by analyzing and thinking too much. I work myself into depression, anger and shame by doing it. Slowly, I am learning to talk and ask instead of assuming I know the other persons feelings.
 
Buddah,

I have more often been the one pulling away, or trying to push others away. I tend to feel I do not deserve good people in my life, because of how I feel about myself. And I fear rejection greatly. So I will push other people away, before they can leave me. I have succeeded to do that at times, and it is hurtful. But I am fortunate enough to have several very good, very close friends. As much bad attitude I have given them at times, as much as I have tried to push them away at times, they are still here with me. I do not know if that is a rare thing or not, but I treat it as such, and have learned to be better with them. Even though I still often feel I do not deserve them, I value them enough to treat them as they deserve. Perhaps your friend pulling away says more about him then you.

Leosha
 
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